To find this comment a bit off?

[Thorntone]

Today I hosted a team away day, about 40 people in attendance. My line manager manages 3 people and tasked us host a session individually & present to everyone solo. Colleague A went first. I went second.

When my session was over, colleague A said to me “I bet you’re glad that’s over”. I didn’t understand what she meant, as I like presenting and felt it went well. So I replied “I thought it went well” and she replied “oh right, are you sure?”

My line manager came over to compliment me on the presentation and gave me good feedback, well done etc. He didn’t do this with the other colleagues who presented.

The audience were really engaged and everyone interacted, I was able to get through everything I wanted to, the pacing was fine, my session ran the full slot, people said they thought it was interesting. So in my opinion, nothing went wrong. Looking back, I feel like colleague A’s comments were to just knock my confidence? Aibu?

I can’t help noticing, OP, that all your posts have been quite ‘competitive’ in insisting on ‘proofs’ of the quality of your presentation over hers — the applause for yours and not hers, the praise for your boss for yours and not hers etc. Are you sure you’re not largely creating this weird dynamic?

You're really deeping this. Most people get nervous around presentations. She was a bit taken aback that you didn't feel the same she did and possibly felt a bit awkward about what she'd said or embarrassed that you'd replied brusquely to her being relieved it was over. Who knows, really. Brush it off.

I don't know if you're being unreasonable but I'm really jealous that you enjoy presenting. I wish I did. I hate it so much that my fitbit records it as a high intensity cardio workout.

Sounds like a colleague A was miffed that your presentation was better than hers (her perception) and was trying to sow seeds of doubt in your confidence...ignore!

ah! Take it with a pinch of salt then

Oh yes. That could be it. That would make sense. There is probably a thread somewhere else; ‘Help, I think I may have accidentally criticised a colleague!’

You seem to need a lot of reassurance op? You have had multiple people say it went well. You clearly think you did better than her, or wouldn’t be pointing out the applause. And who got told it went well and who didn’t. and it’s starting to look like you compete with this woman and want to be told again how you did better than her.

I think there’s a big difference between “Bet you’re glad that’s over?” and “Are you sure that went well?”

The first remark is absolutely standard: lots of people hate presenting to the point of being phobic. I can completely relate to this comment.

The second is pointed and passive aggressive and that I would definitely read as hostile. Particularly if, as you say, she has form.

Personally I would completely ignore this remark. She wants to get a rise out of you so don’t give her one. You know you did the better presentation. Just let that stay with you and rise above.

Personally I think you have got the total wrong end of the stick here. I think this is the likely hidden subtext:

A does her presentation bit, no clapping and a bit of a disengaged audience, then sits during OP presentation but is not really paying attention as she is mentally over dissecting her bit
OP finishes
A: Bet your glad that's over! solidarity, assuning others hate presentations too, A is glad it is over
OP: I thought it went well meaning op presentation
A: thinks op is talking about A's bit and OP is offering encouragement oh right, are you sure?

I really don't think she meant are you sure your bit went well op, I think she was looking for you to tell her that her bit wasn't totally awful.

It seems so much more likely that someone who’s just done something incredibly uncomfortable that landed a bit awkwardly with colleagues (most people’s worst nightmare) misspoke slightly afterwards through residual anxiety, rather than that she chose to say something deliberately spiteful. I really, really doubt she was envious of your round of applause at an awayday to the extent that she wanted to bring you down a peg or two.

Impossible to tell without being there.

Maybe you didn't look confident in your reply which prompted her asking are you sure?

Thst said, if you got good feedback otherwise and are happy with it otherwise, why are you even giving it any thought. Why care about other people's opinions so much?

I only added external opinion to show how others reacted as opposed to just my opinion. If I didn’t people might think I didn’t read the room and it didn’t go well?

I didn’t want my OP to be too long, and I wanted to get opinions on these comments in isolation. But the backstory is I joined the team 6 months ago & this lady has been on the team for 2 years. I’m younger - she’s made comments on my age/me being younger than her kids etc. Her main issue is that she sometimes covered for my manager in the past when he’s away, since I joined he asked me to cover for him, and she feels put out. There’s been incidents where she’s randomly tried to do my work on my behalf and made a mess. She’s critical of me/my team, has upset them before. It’s interesting how lots of you felt the comments were patronising too, without knowing this!

It does seem like she felt hers wasn't great compared to yours and she tried to undermine you.

Ignore her and carry on. She is finding it hard I guess to have people as young as her kids coming up in the business and feeling as though her worth has been knocked.

You clearly dislike her. And also feel you performed better, you may have done, or they may feel you need encouragement as it is new to you.

for me the fact you dislike her and clearly compete with her says there is more behind this. A wider context in terms of your interactions.

Do you feel threatened by her in reality? You’re very new into the role and to me sound very immature.

I would read the “are you sure it went well comment” as her being surprised you have the confidence to know immediately that it went well and can make that call yourself. Many people don’t know themselves that presentations have landed well until they get feedback. I think you are being a bit over sensitive.

You sound quite dismissive of her presentation and quite unkind. She just did a game of guess the lie, where as you did all of this….You got all the applause and she didn’t…. It wasn’t a competition.

She took the first slot and opened the individual presentations, and presumably did what she was asked by the organiser. Not everyone is going to be given a big topic.

She might be toxic, but the unpleasantness sounds like it comes from both sides.

Really? You take that from this post.
You sound just like my DH. Always a negative view spitefully disguised as being objective.
Bloody hard work, folk like you.

For what it's worth OP I think there was definitely a hint of undermining in her comment, a view confirmed by your latest post. I have worked with people like this and would suggest that while I wouldn't want to say 'watch your back' I would say 'stay aware'.

Yes, it’s very immature. I have an employee who does this, she genuinely believes she is the most capable and lacks respect for her peers. And I am now going to have to address her behaviour.

Honestly I had hoped she’d mature out of it, learn from those around her, it’s something I’d expect from a teenager, the showing off, the superior attitude. I unfortunately put it down to lack of experience in the workplace.

She doesn’t understand she comes across as disrespectful and antagonistic. And thinks everyone is jealous of her, which in turn causes issues back.

and the ops showing off about how much better she was, how she got the applause and the well done shows she also lacks insight into the dynamics, and is behaving immaturely in thr workplace.

i strongly suspect this isn’t about the other woman, it’s about the op.

Yes, as a manager that’s what I take from this. I look at not just the accusation but the wider context. If you find myself and your husband hard work, then it is something only you can address.

Hold on! Can we just address “You sound just like my DH. Always a negative view spitefully disguised as being objective.” You just drop in that you think your DH is negative and spiteful? That really is not normal. Why on earth are you with him?

It clearly did go extremely well for you, less so for her. That's the obvious truth of the matter. It was clear to see your presentation was great, possibly the best. She knows that and is either jealous, or feels undermined in some way.
I would have said, "I'm so pleased that (line manager) said xyz about my one. I was a bit worried about (minor aspect) but as I worked so hard I'm so happy it went smoothly'. That will make them realise you know full well your one was better, but don't need to rubbish other people.

Yes I would of taken it like that too. As in she was glad it was over, so assuming you were and when you said it went well, she likely thought you were reassuring her about hers.
Unless she is a total bitch in the office constantly and has form for putting people down. But I wouldn't have jumped to your first conclusion.

Well done anyway. I hate doing stuff like that and I would absolutely be the person saying to someone else 'bet you're glad thats over' because I would be so glad mine was over and done with.

I understand why you feel the way you do, given the context, but in this case, I do think she was seeking reassurance from you about her presentation. I think the pointed look is because she wanted just that not necessarily honesty.

Even your context doesn't fully explain whether you are causing the weird dynamic or she is, and that's from your posts written entirely from your POV.

I think she thinks you are a team and you think she's competition, so you're talking at cross purposes a bit. She saw the presentation as a joint thing, you saw separate parts and yours being better. She thinks she's helping at work, you think she's taking over and messing it up.

Honestly, I think what she says and what you hear are very different and it's you that's causing this.

She sounds like a twat.

Next time she does it be overly enthusiastic and praise your own efforts. 'Yes, I think it went fantastically.' 'No, I'm not glad it's over, I'd LOVE to do it agai, it was so much fun and so great that EVERYONE loved me.'