Homeschool for only 1 child?

[LeafyTown]

I have 2 DCs- 7 & 5 who attend a small local primary school.

DC7 is doing great at school. I've always supported his education at home and he is in the top group for everything. His good behaviour is constantly reinforced at school. Everyone knows him and he is well liked. He gets chosen for everything, outings, sports etc.

DC5 is smarter than DC7 (age equivalent) but has ADHD. She is not an auditory learner and cannot learn when someone explains something to her. I also support her education at home. I teach her by showing her and practicing. She does not have friends at school and generally hates school. Every morning she asks me to stay home. It's coming to a point where it's affecting her confidence, and she is developing self limiting beliefs. I don't think that school is the right environment for her.

DC5 is not sociable but she loves me and only me. She has expressed many times that the only time that she is happy is when she is with me.

I am incredibly lucky to work for myself from home. I want to homeschool DC5 and I know we can make it work. DH is against the idea and in his mind DC5 will have to fit eventually. I don't think that DC5 will ever fit in school. There is also the issue that DC7 is settled and I would not wish to remove him from school.

Can anyone offer any advice at all?

With the caveat that I did not home educate my DD, a couple of things occur to me.

how will you continue your business if you are home schooling ? can you afford to lose that income ?

how will your DC7 feel if he has to go to school and his sister doesn't ?

how will you help your DD socialise ? Even if she's not sociable, she will need some socialisation to manage her encounters with others.

Have you spoken to the school, asked their advice ?

It is quite common for families to have one child in school and one home educated. If both kids are happy, it's only a minor inconvenience that you can't take full advantage of all available home ed groups because you have to go pick your child up from school. But most home ed stuff is scheduled between 10am and 2pm anyway, in order to avoid school run traffic as well as to accommodate families who have a child at school.

The problem comes if your older child decides he'd rather be home educated but you think he'd be better off staying at school. It is very very common to start off home educating one child because that child can't tolerate school, and then the siblings think home ed looks more appealing to them too. It would be hard to explain to him why his sister gets something which he can't have. But some parents do manage that situation too, by explaining that everyone is different and that his sister learns best out of school while he learns best in school. Or you might meet home educated kids who resemble your son and then decide that actually, home ed could be good for him too. Just because school works well for him, that doesn't mean home ed couldn't be just as good or even better.

Your DH's idea - that your daughter will have to get used to school sooner or later and it may as well be now - is a popular one, but I have to say I find it very sad to just accept that a child will always be miserable, without even trying the alternatives. For the sake of argument, even assuming he is right and she will end up at school one day and won't like it there, why shouldn't she have a happy few years right now, learning in the way that suits her best? Why hasten the day when she has to go through life in an environment which she hates? That would be my argument in favour of trying home education for the time being.

I do agree with you that school might never be 100% right for your daughter. However, some kids find school more tolerable when they are older, understand themselves better, and have the skills to find and use coping strategies to survive a difficult situation better and advocate for themselves. That's hard for a five year old to do. I think it's premature to worry unduly about whether she'll be better off in or out of school when she's older. The point is, she hates school now and it doesn't fit how she learns, so home education is worth trying for a while. I think your DH might well come around to this view if the two of you agree that it doesn't have to be forever, and you will reassess the situation in a few years.

You might get some more input if you post on the Home Ed board.

Loads of people have one in and one out.

My ds is HE and my DD is in school.

We focus on the things she likes about school or that wouldn't happen if she left but in reality if it all went tits up she could be home educated too.

School really isn't an option for DS (or in reality we'd have to either sacrifice his mental health or his education in order to be in school).

Is school something your DD wants to try? Has she been to any other settings that could give an indication of how she would cope with it?

We kept our ds in school for too long. We should have HE sooner but I think we were waiting for something big to happen so we'd 'know' it was time. Instead we had years of anxiety, meltdowns, tears and stress.

So I'd ask your husband, if your DD does go to school (and she may absolutely love it), at what point will he know it's not working for her? Does he understand that it may be unsuitable and therefore detrimental for her or will it be that she stays in school no matter what?

Ask the school if they can flexi school so she can attend 3 days out of five. Trial this for balance first.

Homeschooling was like a breath of fresh air for my family however. Wish I’d done it sooner. My child is so much happier homeschooled and has made some great friends along the way.

DodgeDoggie
There is virtually no chance the school will accept this.

Excellent advice from Saracen as usual.

Anything is possible and just wanted to respond to your husband’s comment ‘she’ll have to fit in eventually’… fit in what? My home educated children ‘fit in’ in all areas of life very nicely. They are well rounded, sociable and most importantly happy children.