Its now time right?

[CactusTheOnlyPricksWorthDealingWith]

to issue the divorce

background is, weve been on shakey ground past two years. Dh has always been a big drinker and ive had enough. Were talking daily and around 80 units a week

he doesn’t see a problem “everyone drinks like this” and im the one with the issues. I dont want to live like this. He becomes grumpy and angry when drinking. Doesn’t parent the kids. All left to me. Ive told him i want to split up but ive had to sort some stuff out before going ahead. He refuses to go. Said hes “working on it” to me. Not seeing any improvements so far. Still drinking but i think his drinking is now becoming a bit sneaky. Im not seeing empty cans anymore on the side.

hes not sought help, cut down or stepped up with parenting so im right to divorce yeah, im having a wobble

Yes. You've given him more than enough of a chance.
**

I feel like i have. Ive tried to talk to him about his drinking, his health and how it affects me and the kids. When i talk about how much hes drank over a week, he looks at me strange and says im losing the plot by watching him. Calls me a psycho. Its doing my head in. He swears blind he hasnt drunk but you can tell by their eyes/burping/change in attitude.

i think the fact is, he sees his drinking as fine/normal, i dont. This is who he is, i just dont want to be around it.

Yes, it is that time.

All the best OP, you'll get lots of terrific support on here.

The thing is - even if at this point he wasn't drinking (and I'm sure you're correct that he is) - if his behaviours haven't changed, he still doesn't parent the kids etc... do you want to be with him anyway?

Yeah if im honest, im so resentful of whats gone on, im not sure ive any feelings left anyway

Been there, got the t-shirt - as many of us have. It doesn't get any better.

Set yourself free, you'll parent far better on your own than carrying this dead weight around, all the resentment, it will eat you up.

Start making plans now, get your ducks in a row!

I would leave an alcoholic before they hit rock-bottom as it's much more difficult to do so when they do.

Right now he is employed and you can afford to house yourselves separately. It will be much harder if his drinking escalates to the point of job loss and no income.

I feel like a single parent as it is so i dont think my life will change much!

its hard when they are so much in denial theres a problem and begging you not to leave them through a drunken face.

I work with addiction and can safely say it is an illness. There’s little that will change unless the individual truly wants to and seeks help (to ensure he weans himself off alcohol safely). I wouldn’t want to say whether you should leave or not, but the first step in recovery is admitting there is a problem, which you say DH isn’t able to do at the moment. As soon as there’s an admission about the issue with alcohol, then follows the awareness that something needs to be done. Which is often why those who are addicted will refuse to believe there’s a problem, until they truly hit rock bottom.

I wish the best to all involved, addiction is a lonely place to be, both for the addict and for those who suffer around them. Hope you and little ones are okay x

Thing is, he functions well- works full time, drives, has mates and goes out to do stuff not just down the pub. Its just everything he does revolves around alcohol. He can go out and do an activity eg fishing but takes beers with him, watches rugby which involves drinking with lads, nights away drinking with mates etc. has a stressful day/traffic bad on way home/footballs on/eating a curry etc all excuses to drink

Surprisingly, a lot people who struggle with addiction are still very much functioning. It’s sometimes what it makes it all the harder to address. Take really good care, lovely xx

Your children have suffered enough having to live with an alcoholic for as long as they have, don't allow it any longer. Sadly, this is now their normal. A drunk bully who neglects them and calls their mother foul names.

It doesn't actually matter if some people would be accepting of this behaviour, you are not. You have clearly explained to your (D)H that you are not prepared to continue your marriage unless things change. He has made no effort to change/discuss a compromise.

Finding this every so often. Empties hidden behind stuff