Inheritance - how to split fairly?

[Noodlewave]

I don't know what's the best thing to do. A great aunt died with no children and has left a reasonable amount to me and DM (roughly £100k each). DM is in her mid-eighties and doesn't really need or want the money, I'm early fifties and have two sisters. To avoid drip feeding, we're all NC with one DSis (DM, me, and other DSis). Great aunt was very close to DM in her childhood but we lived in a different country and I didn't know her very well, I think I'm only a beneficiary because she was my godmother rather than my other DSis.
I'm not sure what to do with this, I think it would be unfair for me to keep it all and not share some of it out and it could cause resentment but no idea how much is appropriate. There's the complication of the non-contact DSis, I wouldn't want to give her anything but could give her share to her DD (that DSis is also NC with).
I suggested to DM that we both give 25% of our share to one DSis and 25% to the DD of the NC DSis, which would leave a quarter of the total to the four of us. DP thinks I'm being overly kind but I've seen inheritance cause so much resentment in families before and while the money is significant, it's not worth falling out over.
I'm a bit better off than my DSis but we are both mortgage free in secure jobs so it's not going to be life changing for either of us whether I keep it all or give half away. It would definitely help our DN.
So WWYD? Keep it all, give half away to family, or something inbetween?

I would divide the total 3 ways between you, dsis and dm. If your DM decides to give her third to the dc of the nc dsis then so be it.

I would respect the wishes of the relative/god mother who left the money to you and your DM. Your DM in particular might need the money for care - it would barely cover 7 or 8 years of care costs. You could out of your share give a gift to the DSis
you have a relationship with, but probably no need to split the money as such.

Is there any chance you might reconcile with NC sister in the future? If so, rather than gift to her DD, you could split the money evenly between your DM, you and your sisters, but put your NC sister’s share into a savings account or premium bonds.

That way the money is there to decide what to do later, while you’re earning A bit of interest/winning on the bonds. Dsis that you are on good terms will, would get an equal share, your DM could have an extravagant holiday, or enjoy being a bit frivolous with her share and you can enjoy yours guilt free!

Keep it. Your GA wanted you to have it otherwise she would have left it to your sister or niece as well. You have no idea what might happen in the future and if you don't need it now, you may do later. If it was the other way around, would your sister give you the money? How do they know about the inheritance?

Honestly, if it was me I'd split it evenly. Maybe your Mum should hand on to her share in case she needs it as it will go into her estate anyway (sorry if that is too morbid a thing to say)

I think it's a good idea to give the share that would go to your NC sister to her daughter.

I wouldn't hesitate to split the money evenly. I think it's the right thing to do. I suspect though that the fact you have posted a thread about it means that you don't really want to share. Which I can understand.

I have a brother who is NC with everyone and is a really nasty person but despite my Mum asking for opinions about what she should do with her will we have all agreed that she should split her money evenly between all of her kids. It still seems the right thing today. When we have chatted about it we think the reason that it should be shared evenly is because it's the simplest thing to do.

I suspect once my Mum dies and the money has been split up my sister, nice brother and I will never see our NC brother again and that's fine by us!

I would keep our inheritance.

I think your mother can split it how she likes ... to the other sister and niece.

If my siblings inherited something and I didn't, I would not begrudge them.

I’d hate to think the money I leave for people would then be given to others that I’ve deliberately left out of my will.

Splitting any inheritance money would need a Deed of Variance which a solicitor would do for you.
It means that you have paperwork should HMRC come calling.
A quick phone call with HMRC would be really useful. The staff are really friendly and helpful.

We inherited a sum from mum but wanted to help our children. The Deed of Variance was to deal with any future taxation issues.

I think what you are suggesting is a fair and generous thing to do.

However, you should not share the money out of guilt or pressure.

It was left to you and if you decide to keep it for yourself that is also a reasonable and acceptable thing to do.

So refreshing to hear of a family wanting to share an inheritance rather than squabble over it.

Will the country your DGtAunt died in allow you to do a deed of variation so that you can divert some of your inheritance to others of your choice? I know we can do this in the UK but unsure about other countries.

So personally I would make sure my mother kept hers to pay for any care needs she could look into small gifts and inheritance tax issues so she can share with whomever she wants on a small regular basis e.g. £100 pcm for grandchildren. I'd also get her to treat herself to those things she never did / had nothing major but front row tickets to theaters, nice peice of jewellery, etc

In your shoes and without knowing why the NC with sister I would talk to the sister who you are close with. It's wonderful to share but also one assumes this is a rare occurrence so is there something amazing you would like to do e.g. travel I would grab that opportunity with both hands e.g. a sabbatical off of work and a 2month trip around xyz

100k
20k rainy day fund
30k spend
25k dear sis
25k daughter of nc sister

I would give some to the sister you are close with & perhaps suggest to your DM that she gives a portion of hers as well. Maybe not so much that everyone is equal but 50k to your sister and 75k for you and your mum?

I think you are very wise and kind to want to share it, inheritance can cause ill-feeling even among close people.

I think more is the question how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Personally, I would not be upset if my sister inherited something from her godmother that I did not get because I was not her goddaughter.

Fairest thing is a 4 way split between you, your DM, your DSis and your DN.

It's not worth the hurt feelings that will be inevitable if you keep it.

I think you are so lovely OP and it warms my heart to see.

Thanks to everyone that has commented. Quite a few have agreed with the split so I'm not crazy for thinking it. It's a good point though about DM giving part of it away and possible deprivation of assets. We don't really know about her and DF finances in detail and they seem ok, but agree that care home fees would soon deplete either the full or half the amount so she should be careful.
The deed of variation would be an option in the UK but the foreign law is different and it gets complicated/expensive and a search shows no equivalent there.
I really didn't have much of a relationship with the great aunt (DM cousin rather than sibling), I'm only a beneficiary as I was a goddaughter. My Dsis godparents had children and are of course leaving their money to their own children, I'm only receiving this as my godmother didn't have children to pass some of it on to (the majority is going to local charities) so it is just dumb luck I'm getting this and there's no prospect of an equivalent inheritance for them. I've been more fortunate in other ways than my DSis, health/relationships/career etc, this windfall could seem to be further extending it if it's not shared in some way.
I think I'll stick with my plan of giving my 25% to Dsis and 25% to DN but advise DM to be careful about giving as much as 50% away.
I'm not the average mumsnetter on "well over 6 figures and DP earns many times this" and an extra ~£50k would help but as @TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe says, it's not worth the hurt feelings. @Differentfromtherest I'd say I'm happy to share out my portion rather than being guilted into doing it. Dsis knows about the will but hasn't put any pressure on me in any way or asked my intentions.

I think this is the right way to proceed. Your DSis and DN will both appreciate it and will
value the fact you chose to do this.

The great aunt left it to the OP, presumably without any stipulations about what she needed to do with it, so if the OP feels it is the right thing to do then why shouldn't she do it? I don't suppose the GA thought "I know what I'll do, I'll leave Noodle a chunk of money so she can feel really uncomfortable about the fact her sister got nothing."

Sorry OP. In my earlier post I said your DM's inheritance should stay with her to pay for care if needed. For some reason I got the number of years completely wrong. Her £100,000 would barely pay for two years' care (not 7 or 8 as I put). So she should hold on to the money, and leave any assets to others in her own will.

@Noodlewave I think you've made a good decision. It's fair and the simplest.