Total panic over work - can anyone talk me down?

[nutcracker80]

I started a new job 6 months ago that has mostly been going well. It's a great job, good pay and the work really suits my skillset. I've done a lot of good work that has resulted in good feedback from the bosses. But also, as the least experienced person on the team, I have struggled to get things done on two or three occasions as well, which has led to delays and stress for the team. Then the other day I made a big mistake - nothing that couldn't be fixed, but it caused the senior staff some time and stress to put right. The next day I went into work and the senior staff suddenly disappeared for an undiarised meeting, which is very unusual. They also seemed a little off with me throughout the day (that might be my paranoia speaking but I don't think it is.) I later apologised to the senior person directly involved in my mistake when I caught them alone - they were fine about it and gave me a few pointers on how I can improve.

I'm desperate to learn from this and show I can do a better job going forward. But since yesterday I've been in a complete blind panic over my performance. I'm so anxious and can't stop thinking about the "what ifs", wishing I could've done better, wondering what the other managers are thinking, feeling sick about what they discussed in the meeting and whether I'll get sacked. I've really worked myself up into a frenzy and can't seem to relax. Luckily I do have a few days off now but keep checking my email "just in case".

Generally speaking I have very low confidence in my abilities and in myself - I always have done. I'm terrified that I'm not good enough for the job.

Is there anything I can do or is it too late?

If I were you, I'd ask for a meeting with my line manager. I'd tell them I was worried about how my mistake had been viewed and whether I should be concerned for my job. I'd explain clearly and truthfully how the error had happened. No excuses, simple facts, I was rushing/I didn't realise that I needed to do A ir B etc. Then explain what you have in place to minimise future errors, time management, checking processes etc.

Thanks for the reply. I thought about that - my worry is that I'm not back at work until next week and didn't know whether at that stage, its best to let sleeping dogs lie. I also worry that by asking for a meeting, I'll be taking up yet more of my manager's time when they may not even deem it necessary.

I would email my boss and ask if they feel it would help helpful to meet for a coffee to talk over what happened and how what you are planning to do/ask what you can do to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I think I would possibly tell them that I can make myself available to meet before I'm due back in the office, if that's the case.

If this is ruining your time off, you should email your manager and ask if they have a few minutes to jump on a call with you, whenever is suitable for them as it's not urgent. Then explain that you're deeply bothered about the mistake and concerned it has badly damaged the impression you've made at work. Say you'd like to know where you stand after it and would like them to know that you'll strive to restore faith in you.

This is a day to day task for the people manager. Don't overthink it. You'll be able to enjoy your time off and come back in a good state.

To be honest, I would just ride it out. If they don't say anything by, say, Tuesday, you're in the clear.

Everyone makes mistakes, and you have the least amount of experience on the team. How you recover and learn from your mistakes is how you grow.

I would just chalk it up to experience. If you really want some kind of validation from your manager, then you could say to them in a casual chat something along the lines of "I was just thinking back to last week, and I've put in place XYZ which means that these issues will be picked up earlier, which effectively becomes a mini quality assurance piece".

Frankly, most men wouldn't fret over it and create additional meetings about something that was done and dusted. The chances are, it will have blown over within a few days.

TBH, making that many mistakes within such a short period of time is not really acceptable.

Have a chat with your LM, maybe you need more training or mentoring.

My mother's words whenever I start to feel stress from a job kick in:

"It's only a job."

That's it. It sums up the fact that no ones going to die if I don't meet a deadline, or if I make a mistake. Your superiors will be far happier that you learned from a mistake and were able to get past it. Worst case scenario they put you on a PIP for a few months, and even then they can't just sack you. I also wouldn't be worrying about causing stress to anyone senior, they get paid well enough to deal with it, and those above them likely only see you as a number on a spreadsheet.

No job is worth stressing over, and our jobs don't define us, we spend our lives working to line the pockets of CEOs and millionaires. Do you care about these people that much that you would let your mental health suffer for their profits to improve? You sound dedicated and likeable, I bet you could find another job to walk into tomorrow if you wanted to.

At the end of the day, my job is nothing more than corporate sponsorship to fund my lifestyle.

Hope this helps in some way!

Don't be ridiculous, people make mistakes all the time - we're humans, not robots. It's all a learning experience. Why would you say that and make the OP, who Sounds hardworking and eager to please, feel worse?

OP, stop worrying about it!! You spoke to the person most affected by your mistake and in your first post, said 'they were fine about it and gave me a few pointers on how I can improve. This means that it's done and dusted, and that you're blowing it up out of all proportion. You don't have a clue what the meeting was about, it could have been something totally different, and again you mention that you felt your senior was off with you but in your own words, 'it may have been my paranoia speaking'. I think you should just learn from your mistake, take on board the suggestions made by your senior and put the matter to bed. No man would be spoiling his time off worrying about something like this. So why should you? I also think that if you make a point of calling while you're off work, or bringing the subject up again, you're at risk of just making it into something bigger than it actually was.

Don't do anything now while you're off, you risk making it a bigger deal than perhaps it needs to be. See how the land lies next time you're in, if it's still not great, ask for a meeting, but everybody may well have moved on by then.

Well you can ask to meet with your manager if YOU think its necessary. It shouldn't be a one way street, and if it is, you really need to think about whether the environment is as good for you as it could be, given you get anxious, as you might need to be somewhere more supportive. I guess it depends on how much the worry is effecting you. You could wait and see, but if its really as debilitating as you describe, the only way to deal with it is to instigate a conversation.

I agree with this. If you're actually losing sleep over it, be upfront with your manager. Either it is a problem (which it seems not to be) or they'll put your mind at ease. Unless your manager is really unpleasant, they won't want you feeling upset over this and will put your mind at ease.

"What would a mediocre posh man do?" is sometimes a good frame of reference

Also, "will this still matter in a year?"

And, remember, imposter syndrome is a real issue (look it up)

It's a horrible feeling to make a mistake. But we're all human. I think your best approach is to think why the mistake happened and how to avoid it happening again

You've already made one mistake - don't make another by bringing it back up again.

They've probably moved on and are not talking about you, unless you draw attention back to it again.

This stands out for me "as the least experienced person on the team I have made mistakes". "I have also had some really good feedback".

If you are the least experienced person on the team, you are still learning. They shoukd be supporting you. The only caveat would be if you misrepresented your expertise and experience at interview.

It's a learning curve op. Enjoy your time off and if you request a meeting ask also about whether there is any additional training you can do, or if you could ha e a coach or mentor.

Remember too that reflective people who learn from their mistakes do much better ultimately than know it alls who don't.

And breathe.

It's a job, not a hobby. The odd minor mistake is fine, but several mistakes and one big one is not really acceptable is it.

I'm a manager and people (including me!) make mistakes.

My bugbear is when the same mistake is repeatedly made (need for more training?) or when people don't own up to it immediately (I hate surprises like that).

It's easy to focus/obsess over the negatives and ignore the positives. You said you've had good feedback, you have already discussed it with the senior involved. Follow the pointers you were given and move forwards from this now.

If you are struggling at all, don't suffer in silence - ask for help or more training etc. Be proactive in trying to do better and it will get easier. 6 months is still very new.

There's a good chance that meeting they had is nothing to do with you. I manage a big team and sometimes there is shit hitting the fan in the background and I have to disappear for meetings. Someone could have made a massive cock-up at the same time and then think that meeting is about them. It's just bad timing and you're feeling self conscious.

Also, if the job suits your skillset and you're getting on well with good feedback from managers, they'll be unlikely to sack you. It's hard to find the right people and you've been doing the job 6 months already. I'd rather support someone who has made mistakes but has plenty of potential than have to rehire and retrain.

Enjoy your break and then arrange a catch up with your line manager when you're back so that you can ask for feedback on how you're getting on and also discuss the mistakes you made. It shows you're proactive and that you care. A decent manager will always take the time for meetings like that when asked.

But since yesterday I've been in a complete blind panic over my performance. I'm so anxious and can't stop thinking about the "what ifs", wishing I could've done better, wondering what the other managers are thinking, feeling sick about what they discussed in the meeting and whether I'll get sacked. I've really worked myself up into a frenzy and can't seem to relax. Luckily I do have a few days off now but keep checking my email "just in case".

Generally speaking I have very low confidence in my abilities and in myself - I always have done. I'm terrified that I'm not good enough for the job.

This reaction is more likely to do you harm than the mistakes.

You don’t even know what the meeting was about…very odd for you to leap to the conclusion that it was about you. I think you need to get help for your anxiety. That help shouldn’t come from your boss

If there was a performance management issue someone would have spoken you about it.
Forget it. Focus on learning you job and observing other successful people in the workplace.
If you allow your anxiety to spiral it will start affecting your performance which then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Deep breaths, and tell yourself it’s fine. It is fine. You’re learning. Don’t hide mistakes and keep asking questions. You’re still new.

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm feeling a bit calmer after reading them. I will take on board the pointers I was given and make sure I learn from this when I go back in next week.

I’m now feeling super anxious about going back in on Monday. I feel like if I make another mistake that’ll be it. Finding it hard to stay positive and I think I’ll struggle to portray an upbeat demeanor at work.

Hi OP saw you had updated..

It sounds like you are catastrophising. Perhaps worth looking up ways to approach this so it's not taking over your life.

I get it though, I worry disproportionately about some of the most minor things. The time away has let your imagination run wild as well.

I don't know the industry or type of work you're in, or how easily people are got rid of and replaced. It's generally more hassle to recruit again. If you've had positive feedback over the last 6 months as well hopefully you (and they) can focus on areas to improve.

Assuming you weren't being reckless or negligent, people do make mistakes. It's normal and how we learn so a good measure is how you deal with them after.