Encouraging independence in teens

[Neverendingwinter]

I need a sense check on whether I'm being unreasonable here. We have a 17yo who doesn't go out or ever leave the house other than for college and the occassional after college KFC with friends. I think we should be encouraging a greater level of independence at this age - eg get a PT job, arrange things with mates on a weekend, etc etc. Last week during half term he only left the house to walk the dog (when forced to). I don't think this is in any way healthy, but DH doesn't agree.

What do your teens of that age do outside of their home and what do you do to encourage independence?

Being forced to arrange things with mates sounds like the opposite of independence! Would you feel independent with a parent determining how you spend your free time?

But it doesn't sound like he's lacking in independence, just that he's a bit of a homebody whose hobbies are mostly online rather than in-person?

What makes you think he would struggle to go out and do something alone?

I dont think this is about independence.

DS1 who is 17 and in year 12 is similar. Apart from school he doesn't really do anything. he doesn't spend his pocket money, finds being sociable at school enough for him so isn't bothered about then hanging out with friends at weekends. He is very high functioning ASD. He also has hypermobility and is awful at practical things so a job in a cafe or the such is just not for him. He did apply for a Saturday job in a bookshop but there isnt much else that would suit him. He is happy to read up on physics and do geography quizzes online.

DD on the other hand is 15 and has had a saturday job for a year now, she does loads with her friends etc.

DS2 is 13 and has lots of friends but they all just want to chat to each other over thier phones while playing games with each other on the PC! he does do scouts etc.

However they all are able to be independent, cook for themselves as needed, get themselves to places etc. I have found wiht DS1 that its not fair for me to impose my idea of how social I want to be on to him. He is happy so I leave him to it.

Maybe you could help him by going over other stuff with him. Does he know how to launder his clothes, buy food for the week and prepare meals, or pay his bills? Explain that you want to help because it can be a shock when you have to do it for real, and its easier to make mistakes when you still live at home.

18 year old girl who is always out plus she works 3 days a week and college the rest of the time. 16 year old boy who is less social but has just started a p/t job and he does go to the gym a few evenings a week. To be fair there isn’t much to do where we live especially in the winter.

A range of opinions - thanks. I suppose it depends on the kid but I can't help thinking that getting a part time job would do him the world of good.

At 17 DD1 went off to uni in another country living in a shared flat of 5. They were put together as they were all 17 and all coped well.

DD2 (18 in Jan) drives around a lot. Farms sits when we are away. Splits her time between home and her boyfriends houses (his parents are divorced). Waitressed in a posh restaurant last summer full time with a vile chef. Can cook properly and clean. Will be going to uni next year and living with bf. They are going interrailing this summer after their exams.

DSD also 18 in Jan is less keen to be independent but can cook and keep house fairly well.