Party time

[SeahorsesRock]

So hubby has a big birthday coming up. I asked last year what he wanted and he decided on a holiday as we haven't managed to get away for a while. I booked time off and contacted his work to book him off too as a surprise and was looking at something for 7 nights. Unbeknownst to me his sibling has organised a party for him all arranged on messenger (I am not fb and therefore not included) not bothered to say anything to me or my son who he has lived with for 7 years. I was raging but for the greater good I let it go and booked the holiday for 5 nights instead for a few days later. As a tweak in my plans I thought I would take hubby out and give him the tickets the night before his birthday as a big surprise. Now ive found out his other sibling has arranged a party at their work that night.. even though she knew I had plans. I feel pretty rubbish about the whole hoopla and dont want to go to either event IF I even get an invite as I haven't officially been told anything yet anyway (1 weeks time)...for reference his siblings have never really treated me like his wife even though I have tried to fit in with them.

YABU Get over yourself and go celebrate your husbands birthday without any of the hassle of organising anything.

YANBU Leave them to it you can do without the toxicity of the lot of them

The first party couldn’t be helped, but I certainly would tell sibling of the second party that you both won’t be attending as you’ve planned your own surprise that DH specifically wants that will be for 5 days. Tell sibling to re arrange the second party for another date when you return. Who arranges parties without first checking with wives first.

Are you terrible at keeping secrets or something because I can't work out why neither of them would tell you about the parties!

It stands to reason that the partner/spouse would probably be organising something... so it's good form to let them know if you're planning a surprise party in case of clashes surely!?

Must be a back story as there's no way anyone I've ever met would do something like this, it's totally not normal healthy behaviour.

Tbh if you haven't been told about either party you should just of booked the 7 nights it's extremely rude of them to not even check your not planning anything yourself, for what it's worth I don't like my siblings partner very much but I absolutely would not plan things behind her back.

Do his siblings always treat you like this? The whole dynamic sounds off.
I wouldn’t be changing my plans for them - particularly as they couldn’t be bothered to consult you.

Thanks everyone for replying no back story apart from I just think they dont think im good enough for him. I am used to them doing things that are in this vein but this is pretty much the worst. As a side note one of his siblings got divorced a couple of years ago. The ex partner messaged me saying good luck trying to fit in because I tried for years and got nowhere. .

The siblings are out of order for not telling you/asking you about either party. What does your DH say about their attitude to you generally. If you never got invited to the parties, so never turned up, would he be bothered?

Tbh I tried to explain how it made me feel and he said its not all about me... He never supports me when it comes to his family really

You've got a DH problem then. You're his wife. He should be able to see how wrong it is that they never thought to involve you in your own husbands birthday party. That is freakish behaviour. He should be able to see your point of view, at the very least. It would make me wonder how he talks about you to them, for them to think that they don't need to consider or respect you.
I can't imagine my in laws ever doing that and not asking or involving me in it. If they treated me like an outsider like that, my DH wouldn't be happy.

Thanks I feel exactly like that. But everything always gets turned around into me being selfish for my feelings about his family I was starting to wonder if it was me..

Did you tell your DH about your plans and that you therefore can’t make this second party arranged without you being contacted? Or told the sibling that he won’t be able to make it?

I would go ahead with the plans you already had. By constantly enabling them to walk over you and do what they want, you are allowing them to continue to do so.