Ex wants 5yo DC to have a mobile phone

[ladycomestotown]

I've posted about my STBXH's shocking behaviour before and recently too. Tonight he proposed to buy our 5 year old DC a phone and a sim card so he could call.

Back story: He moved abroad and makes no effort to see DC other than once a year. We agreed he visits this week but last minute he said if I don't hand over DC's passport to go abroad, he'll not visit. I refused his request so he cancelled. He went on to say horrible things about me.

We've tried a calls schedule in the past, that also didn't work because 9/10 times he wouldn't call.

Tonight, as the previous week, he turned it all around and accused me of preventing him from seeing/calling DC he said: "XXXXX could've been with me but you decided for her not to see me unfortunately on many occasions."

I have made sure to keep a line of communication open - he can message/call on my normal line and email anytime. However, I have blocked him on social media including What'sApp because I don't wish to have him or his family. To my disbelief, he said he's not been able to call because he doesn't have access to me on socials.

I don't know what to say and I'm so tired of him. I have an upcoming appointment with a solicitor for advice on a live with order and financial settlement.

He's a twat. My ex suggested something similar because his girlfriend couldn't bear us having contact. Judge told him quite clearly that 8 years old was far too young to have a mobile and that wouldn't be happening. You need to get a CAO in place but by the sounds of it, he's not going to hang around. They are absolutely useless abusive cunts

A mobile is too much responsibility for a five year old. It is also far too young to be responsible for facilitating communication with her father. She won't fully know when to charge the phone, how to get credit or keep a track on how much credit has been used. This will all become your responsibility.

All you have to do is make her available for contact which you have done. Just make sure you keep a record of all of the times. You have offered contact.

Also be aware that if he has parental responsibility he may be able to cancel her current passport and order a new one to his address. Make the passport office aware that there is a potential risk and I believe they will not cancel it without the permission of the parent who applied for it.

if she does get one either now at 5 (agree it’s a bit too young ) or later make sure he pays for all of it. All phones all upgrades all insurance all breakage all lost or stolen phones all cracked screens. All of it. Has saved me thousands of dollars over the course of my children’s lives and he’s still paying for their phones at 25/22 y.o. He wants her to have a phone he can call? Fine he pays.

I don't think anyone would say giving a five y/o is in any way reasonable. He can call you if he needs to talk to DD.

He sounds like an insufferable bastard but I would let him buy the phone and you can hold on to it for DD and pass the phone to her if he ever calls (if at a convenient time) and read her any texts and then that phone will be a complete and trackable record of all the times he made the effort to contact your DD. Also at least you then know you won't be receiving any calls from him on your own phone.

Thank you. Very wise idea. I've asked him to buy one and post it.

If he insists, let him buy it and pay for it. I'd be saying "it will be turned on for calls at 9am every Sunday morning for an hour"

If he is anything like my DS dad, please don't hold your breath 😂

I think it is a good idea that you see a solicitor, but otherwise, stick to what you are doing. Of COURSE you are not going to just hand over a 5yos passport to a man who lives abroad. that's stupid.

He has no right to dictate ANYTHING, so social media - you don't have to have him on that, he has no right to access to you if you don't want it. Was he always this controlling and manipulative?

Stick with your boundaries and if that means he doesn't see his child, so be it. You have one job and that is to protect and keep your DC safe.

This.

He can buy whatever he wants, but it's your house, your rules, and you're in charge of when she can use it. That's not controlling or alienating him or whatever else he will throw at you. He thinks he's buying a direct line to DD whenever he sees fit, but that's wholly unreasonable when it comes to a five year old who presumably has a schedule and routines and a home life that works for her. She doesn't deserve for that to be disrupted at the whims of a shitty man who can't put his daughter before his ego.

I think even the concept of regular calls with a man she barely knows who won't see her face to face is confusing at five, but I gather it's safest to keep doing it until you've got a court order in place.

Ugh I really feel for you and DD, he sounds an utter shit!

He changed his mind. He now said he wouldn't buy a phone. How expected in less than 12 hours.🤔