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Original poster

Struggling to understand OLD

24 replies

Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:33

Date 1- goes well. Man says when leaving 'it'd be great to meet up again."
Me almost a day later, trying to be a modern woman, taking the initiative and so on. 'It'd be great to do something like X next week if you're free one night.'
Man: runs a mile, never hear from him again.
Was it something I said?
I left it open for him to arrange the date, I showed my interest but I left it to him to confirm plans. Oh well, obviously had a change of heart.
Has anyone else had this issue?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:35

Did I emasculate him or something? I felt the date went well, obviously he didn't.

OP posts:
lizkt · 20/02/2024 21:48

It's really common. I don't think you did anything wrong. But OLD often leaves you with the feeling that you did do something wrong.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/02/2024 21:50

Do you remember that episode of friends where Chandler dates Rachel’s boss and can’t think of anything to say at the end of the date so says “…… I’ll call you!” Then she obsesses on why he hasn’t called, but he reckons it’s just something to say and he doesn’t literally mean he’ll call her

Thats what’s happened here - he’s said it to be polite but isn’t actually interested in meeting up again

User128739933 · 20/02/2024 21:51

It’s not just you. It happened to me too. Often the men on OLD are dating multiple women at the same time. He has found someone he is more interested in and has ghosted you.

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:52

I just feel like I looked really needy. He said he'll check his calendar, then never got back in touch 😂 lol

OP posts:
Juryorrun · 20/02/2024 21:52

Yep it’s a lot easier for him to say he’d like to see you again than say to your face that he’s not really into you.

Best bit of wisdom I ever got on here was that you’ll know if a man’s into you, because he’ll be there. It’s so true. I don’t think it’s being old fashioned, it’s being sensible to let him to do the chasing, because you learn very early on not to waste your time if that doesn’t happen.

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:53

I didn't even ask him if he wanted to see me again, he said if himself. He could've just said nice to meet you or something. Oh well, his problem 😂

OP posts:
kinkyredboots · 20/02/2024 21:53

Men either have several on the go or just don't have the balls to say 'sorry, you're not for me, all the best.'

powerfullymoving · 20/02/2024 21:54

If they want to see again you they will arrange the next date before saying good bye

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:54

They think we'll be absolutely devastated if they don't want a second date. I'm like mate it's really not the end of the world 😂

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 20/02/2024 21:55

It's very common and unfortunately I had similar experiences with OLD last year. I think the problem is that OLD gives the illusion of choice - there's always someone else to talk to, or to meet up with. Therefore people are less invested in individuals, but in the end often don't end up meeting anyone.

Plus there's also the ones who are secretly married, and the ones who don't want a relationship and are treating OLD like a hobby.

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:56

'check my calendar ' loool

OP posts:
Superawkward · 20/02/2024 21:56

Don't take it personally. Sometimes people just find it easier to be 'polite' and 'nice' rather than honest. Doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong.

User128739933 · 20/02/2024 21:59

Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 21:53

I didn't even ask him if he wanted to see me again, he said if himself. He could've just said nice to meet you or something. Oh well, his problem 😂

Perhaps at the time, he did want to meet up again but then he just swiped on a few more people and found someone he liked better. Or he was just saying it out of politeness. It’s not that you did anything wrong.

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 22:04

I just thought I'd come on too strongly by sending that the day after but the truth is if he'd been interested, he would have said yes.

OP posts:
bottomsup12 · 20/02/2024 22:06

This is super common but when taking the initiative you can have it both ways. If he chased you then he wants to be the chaser so don't chase him.
When taking the initiative don't do it with a chaser guy.... initiate from the very beginning not after he already asked you out on the date

jhy · 20/02/2024 22:07

Yep super common. It's almost like something changes in them overnight. Never did get to the bottom of why people
do it, but it's not personal 😂

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 22:07

jhy · 20/02/2024 22:07

Yep super common. It's almost like something changes in them overnight. Never did get to the bottom of why people
do it, but it's not personal 😂

Literally overnight. The amount of people that have this very sudden change of heart, it's odd 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 22:08

bottomsup12 · 20/02/2024 22:06

This is super common but when taking the initiative you can have it both ways. If he chased you then he wants to be the chaser so don't chase him.
When taking the initiative don't do it with a chaser guy.... initiate from the very beginning not after he already asked you out on the date

So honestly a man would decide to completely jib you because you showed your interest and he didn't get to be the first one? It just sounds so childish

OP posts:
SamW98 · 20/02/2024 22:11

It’s not you OLD is awful.

I tried it for a few months and all I seemed to experience was sleazy creeps, time wasters, liars or men after no strings sex.

I’d rather be single forever than compromise myself for the slim pickings on offer out there.

JovialNickname · 20/02/2024 22:11

Don't make life hard for yourself. Just chill and wait for him to get in touch with you. That way you know he's keen, with no drama.

Original poster
Jacketpotatoman · 20/02/2024 22:12

JovialNickname · 20/02/2024 22:11

Don't make life hard for yourself. Just chill and wait for him to get in touch with you. That way you know he's keen, with no drama.

Yep, deffo will from now on! So much for a woman being able to take initiative 😂

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 20/02/2024 22:45

I was lucky: I met my husband through OLD (second marriage for both of us) - but my goodness, you do have to kiss a few frogs along the way! You have to make it very clear at the outset what you are looking for - and be sure that they want the same. As SamW98 says, there are some sleazy creeps and (sadly all too common) men who are just looking for sex rather than a relationship. Because of the artificial nature of it, if a man said to me at the end of a date, “It would be good to meet up again”, then I would say, “That would be great - shall we fix something now?” Of course, he can still cancel even if an arrangement is made, but if he demurs, at least you know where you stand.

JMSA · 20/02/2024 23:13

Mental, isn't it?
Some pathetic men love the ego boost.
It's very common and honestly not just you Smile

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