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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed with my friend

20 replies

Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 21:28

Agreed this morning we would go for dinner tonight. 9 am she said yes where shall we go I finish at 6. So I offer a suggestion.

so then, out the blue she messages me half an hour before we’re due to meet up she said “I’m so sorry I just didn’t get the chance to reply all day I’m going to need to stay behind work and sort some paperwork and other crap out. Hope you’re not mad at me”,

the thing that annoyed me was I started getting ready etc thinking well she didn’t reply for the most part of the day but as she’s usually a crap replier she’ll do it later. But no she cancelled. Like idk. I’m torn because part of me wants to understand things crop up but on the other hand, I’m annoyed because…you had all day?

OP posts:
Smittenkitchen · 20/02/2024 21:30

That is shitty. I suppose you should let it go if you value the friendship and it isn't a frequent occurrence.

Scarletttulips · 20/02/2024 21:30

I’d reply - ‘I turned down other offers, would have been nice to be given the heads up’

Then ignore

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 21:32

Scarletttulips · 20/02/2024 21:30

I’d reply - ‘I turned down other offers, would have been nice to be given the heads up’

Then ignore

She hasn’t cancelled befor and works in healthcare but I’m so annoyed tbh.

OP posts:
Jerseymilkshake · 20/02/2024 21:34

Honestly if its a one off then I'd try and just be understanding.

I totally get it must be frustrating but a bit of empathy goes a long way.

..if its a regular thing then fair enough to be send a bit of a curt response

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 21:35

Jerseymilkshake · 20/02/2024 21:34

Honestly if its a one off then I'd try and just be understanding.

I totally get it must be frustrating but a bit of empathy goes a long way.

..if its a regular thing then fair enough to be send a bit of a curt response

Yeah I’m autistic so it actually is super small to some but to me it really naffs me off. She doesn’t know I’m autistic as I rarely tell anyone. But yeah. It’s probably why I’m annoyed.

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 20/02/2024 21:35

If a once off I'd probably let it go, she may have thought she could do it until a while ago. 🤷 If she did it again that would be different but she's obviously not a serial canceller!

Marlena1 · 20/02/2024 21:37

Not saying I wouldn't be annoyed! But more at the situation than at her.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 20/02/2024 21:38

Let it go OP, its OK to be annoyed at the situation but I wouldn't let on you are mad at her if it's not in her character to do this. She might have had a very stressful day. I absolutely hate cancellations too, I get it.

Rialoulou · 20/02/2024 21:43

I read it and wondered did she work in health care...not as straight forward as you think to be able to get to your phone all day

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 21:45

Rialoulou · 20/02/2024 21:43

I read it and wondered did she work in health care...not as straight forward as you think to be able to get to your phone all day

I get it honestly. I’m trying to do better it’s just my stupid brain hates it. I did leave her on read but in the end knew I needed to have some empathy. I Just said “don’t worry about it. I’m not mad at all these things happen x”

but I did get a bit frustrated 😭

OP posts:
asdunno · 20/02/2024 21:49

I'd be annoyed too. It's rude to cancel on someone last minute like that.

I would have probably said, "I would have appreciated it if you let me know sooner but these things can't be helped"

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 21:54

asdunno · 20/02/2024 21:49

I'd be annoyed too. It's rude to cancel on someone last minute like that.

I would have probably said, "I would have appreciated it if you let me know sooner but these things can't be helped"

But it’s perfectly possible she only realised she would have to stay late just before she texted, so she didn’t ’have all day’. Surely you understand that stuff happens in some jobs?

SmellyBumMum · 20/02/2024 21:58

Please don’t message back some of the passive aggressive comments on here.

Sometimes work situations can’t be helped. Cut her some slack and treat it as a one off. Maybe arrange dinner dates at the weekend or when she’s on a day off.

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 22:01

SmellyBumMum · 20/02/2024 21:58

Please don’t message back some of the passive aggressive comments on here.

Sometimes work situations can’t be helped. Cut her some slack and treat it as a one off. Maybe arrange dinner dates at the weekend or when she’s on a day off.

I’m trying to just be understanding but at the same time her message was a little annoying too. But again I’m really doing my. Best to understand in some jobs things can just crop up out of the blue and you just don’t get a minute to stop.

OP posts:
bottomsup12 · 20/02/2024 22:02

Super annoying that she didn't even make it sound that important to cancel on you.... "doing some paperwork". At least have a better excuse.

Yes it's shitty but say nothing to her about it. But remember how low down on her priority list you are... below shitty paper work

Ghuunvg · 20/02/2024 22:04

No this wouldn't annoy me, life happens

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 22:16

Ghuunvg · 20/02/2024 22:04

No this wouldn't annoy me, life happens

It’s probably just bc I’m autistic so I get all het up about it. Also, the comment above yours is what throws me and I never know what to think.

OP posts:
spanishviola · 20/02/2024 22:17

It wouldn’t annoy me. Stuff does happen that’s out of your control.

Theatrefan12 · 20/02/2024 22:22

I am autistic too so do get you a little bit I am also in a job where things crop up very quickly and it means that plans have to change so I also see where your friend is coming from

My friends that I am likely to meet mid week, are in similar jobs to me so I have had people drop out on me last minute too and I just have to let it go

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 20/02/2024 22:23

Theatrefan12 · 20/02/2024 22:22

I am autistic too so do get you a little bit I am also in a job where things crop up very quickly and it means that plans have to change so I also see where your friend is coming from

My friends that I am likely to meet mid week, are in similar jobs to me so I have had people drop out on me last minute too and I just have to let it go

That helps me tbh.

OP posts:
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