Wedding dilemma

[Mumof3andahampster]

So here’s the thing.. I got married last year abroad and my husbands friend was supposed to be his best man. However, a month before the wedding they told us they wouldn’t be able to make it and two weeks later got engaged themselves. Prior to this for a few months we had heard they wouldn’t be attending from different people yet they didn’t tell us and left us continue to buy his suit etc. The reason they gave for not attending is due to financial issues. Following the wedding we had a home celebration which they also didn’t attend, they didn’t let us know till the following day and apologised and said their child wasn’t well. We haven’t seen or spoken to them since however my husbands friend has now asked him to be an usher in his wedding? I don’t want to do the same thing they’ve done to us although I also feel like the friendship is over. I’m not keen on his new fiancé although he has been a friend of ours for years. So my question is should my husband go to the wedding?

Well what does your husband want to do?

I would just decline and say following the situation around your own wedding, you didn't feel they were as close as you once were.

Have you seen them much since your own wedding? Or has the relationship fizzled out?

It is up to your husband. It may be he is not so keen on you as you are not so keen on his fiance.

We can't vote on whether your husband should go. If i were you I wouldn't go, like you I would feel the friendship took a big hit and would need something more from them in order to feel like hanging out with them again.

In the OP: ‘We haven’t seen or spoken to them since’

Your husband can go by himself if he feels the need. Not a dilemma, wouldn’t even give their wedding a moments thought.

What does your husband think? Surely it’s his decision!

He doesn’t want to go although he’s a good person and wants to do the right thing, I’m not sure what the right thing is for him to do in this situation.

I’m sure it’ll be whatever he chooses 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t go. It would be up to my husband if he went or not, but I’d consider him pretty wet if he did.

This friend obviously means a lot to your dh for him to consider him to be best man. He’s reciprocating this friendship by asking dh to be his usher.

What does your dh want to do? Does your dh still consider him a friend? If he does, then he should go.

YABU to make it sound like you are trying to make the decision for your DH.

If he doesn't want to do it then he can just say so.

It has to be your DH's decision.

If I were him I would decline

I think this is a conscience invitation, and he'll be heartily relieved if DH declines. And I'm assuming that you wouldn't dream of flaking on someone deliberately (no need to sink to the level of those you suspect may have held you in so little regard that they did it to you).

So it's all down to whether DH wants to try to fix the former friendship, or would rather just let it go.

We won’t be flaking on them deliberately last minute as they did to us. We value the importance of letting them know in advance. We appreciate all your feedback.

I wouldn’t go - and I wouldn’t want my DH to either tbh.

It’s not controlling to want to encourage someone you love to stand up for themselves and not to get taken for a fool.

Will this involvement include spending your joint money on stag do, wedding gifts, outfits etc?

I get why you’d be reluctant when they let you down 🤷🏽‍♀️

If DH doesn't want to go, then let him decline for both of you now. No need to give a reason. If pushed, I would probably suggest he says that you felt thoroughly let down and disappointed by their failure to attend both of your events at such short notice, leaving you to incur expense by them doing so.

They sound flakey as fuck. But, maybe could they have genuinely had financial struggles and maybe been trying their best to come? And the party, could their child have been really ill that going to a wedding would have been a no no? Unless it's both of the above, I'd be done with them.

Flakey though they sound, I think it's your husband's call.

Dropping out a month beforehand, and not attending because of ill child, aren't in themselves terrible things, but to do both is a bit shit. I'd be falling over myself to make up for missing the wedding and if ill child jeopardised that I'd be letting you know asap.

I think he should decline if that's what he wants.