To Feel completely done at 2 kids

[SillyYou]

I feel like I am an alien when it comes to this, my second child was a difficult baby and the thought of a third fills me with dread. I never really wanted kids growing up but since having them I have surprised myself how much I love being a mother and I am literally obsessed with them (not too much mind haha)

When I speak to my friends they always say they would love another baby, when I see new-born babies now I do think they are cute but I just see hard work!

Maybe I am not maternal, I just feel completely done and wondered if this was abnormal?

I also love cats but I wouldn't get another, just because you love something does not mean you have to have loads of it surely?

Wish I could say the same about wine! haha

Stopping at two kids is the least abnormal thing surely? It’s what most people do.

I have two dc. I absolutely adore my dc. They are at times hard work but glad we had two as we would have had that what if. I think babies are very cute and remind me of my babies. However the thought of having anymore children absolutely fills me with horror. Dh feels the same. I would safely say that is a strong sign that our family is complete.

Some people are one and done, you’re 2 and done.

I have 2 and wanted a 3rd for maybe a year and a half. My youngest is 2 now and like yourself, when I see pregnant ladies or newborns I don’t envy them. All I can think of is ‘good luck with the sleep deprivation’.

I’m so glad I didn’t go for a third when I had baby fever because baby fever is definitely gone 😂

Two is the normal/average number of children people have, surely? I think some women do always hanker after more if not for money/space/lack of time and support... but thank goodness for contraception, eh!

Personally I was very done at one for a long time. Five years later I would like another, BUT I feel too old (42), my parents are nearing old age and the related problems, and I have no desire to go back to the newborn or toddler days. So I'm sticking at one. If you could drop a potty-trained 3.5 year old into my lap, with all the bonding from caring for them as a baby somehow in our brains, I would go for that 😂

I’m not sure how anyone can feel like an “alien” for wanting only 2 kids, that’s about as average as it gets. Don’t want more, don’t have more 🤷🏻‍♀️

My friend said to me, if you won the lottery would you have more, my answer was still a big fat no

I was absolutely desperate for my first child. It took us 18 months and Clomid to conceive him, and I was obsessed. But now I have 2, I, like the OP, categorically do not want any more. If I were to accidentally fall pregnant (unlikely, as I also have a 10 year coil) I would probably terminate. So it's not just people who never wanted to become mums!

@SillyYou I hear you. I love my DSs more than anything in the world and would not be without them for one minute. But no more. My physical health would be at risk from another pregnancy, and my mental health, finances and probably my marriage would be threatened by another baby. I just can't imagine putting myself through those early days again - and my DS2 was a pretty easy baby!

I work in obstetric theatres/labour ward quite often, so see several squishy newborns each week. They are cute, and I love sometimes sneaking a cuddle when I pass them to their parents, but while previously it made me feel "OMG I NEED THIS," now I'm very glad to hand them over! I think if you're done, you're done, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Be glad you know you’re ‘done’, I know I am (I had three though, sometimes I joke it was 2 too many 🤣). I know a couple of people who are 1 and done, I personally had this irritating voice of ‘just one more’ that wouldn’t go away. Once I had my third I absolutely knew that was it. He’s a lovely kid as well, it’s not the difficulty it’s just my urge to have babies is completely gone. But even if I was still baby mad, it would be near impossible now anyway, thank goodness.

Awww I am sorry you struggled conceiving initially, so happy for you that you now have 2 children x

This is your own issue. Two children is completely average and there is zero expectation for you from society to have more. It's possible you have an abnormal friendship group or friends who like to unsettle you. My youngest is 2 and I have no desire for a newborn. I could hold one for a few minutes before getting bored.

Two children is completely average and there is zero expectation for you from society to have more.

This isn’t always true. If you have children of the same sex, someone will always ask ‘but won’t you try for one of the opposite sex??’. As I said, I have three and literally from the moment I took him (the youngest) out these questions started. Apparently 2 is only acceptable if you have one of each 😑

I have three. I'm not and wasn't a big fan of babies - I loved them but the scale of effort is phenomenal and, for me, they are a means to an end. Once they are past that first year stage, I'm in my element and even the teen years are a breeze in comparison - although mine are a particularly nice bunch. And I never sat on the couch and watched them trash the house either 🤣

But of course it is fine to stick to two - most people don't have a third for a multitude of reasons and then tell you it is because they are saving the planet

I think many people articulate the feeling badly-
I’d love to rewind time and experience my children as babies again, no way in hell do I want to raise more children. I love the 2 child balance, I have a friend who has 3 but considers that a small number, I just think her life looks utterly chaotic and isn’t for me, we’re all different.

Everyone I know has one or two. It’s normal around here. Maybe because where we live is expensive but most people have averagely paying jobs with no nannies etc.

I wanted three (because hormones) but for various reasons stuck with two. I am glad now. I hate the idea that families are somehow not ‘complete’ until there are three or more. It’s not really practical for most people and it’s a lot of work and mental load, mostly for women. Also I am one of three and it’s not always the ‘chaotic gang large family gathering’ bed of roses parents of three like to make it out to be.

It's completely normal. The vast majority of people stop at two or one children. Kids are great but extremely hard work and cause loads of worry. Most of us agree with you!

I was done at one, and would have been happy with none. About half my friends have chosen to be child free, others have a range from 1-4. Who cares what other people think? Especially with such a personal decision.

I have a 5 year old and I am 32 weeks with my second. He will my last, I have always said I wanted 2 and at 36 I feel my age is going against me now anyway lol

I’ve stopped at 2 for a range of reasons. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

The country’s gone a bit haywire financially, I had a near fatal health condition caused by pregnancy a few weeks after having our 2nd, had 2 lovely pain relief and intervention free births that I wouldn’t like to ‘tempt fate’ (yes, I’m slightly weird ha) that I might not get the same again and as much as we adore and give them everything we can, we do just want to be able to get some of our life back in the future rather than being back to square 1 again.

I would have thought 2 kids was the most common choice of all to make of those choosing to have kids, esp if you factor in that some people have 0.

They do say 1 child if any is better for the planet and a more responsible choice (I have 2 so not judging!) so I wouldn’t think you are wrong to not want more.

Wanting any number of children isn’t abnormal really. I’m very much one and done. I know a woman whose third DC is just coming up to 2yo and she’s desperate for a fourth! Horses for courses really.

I feel like I get a lot of judgement for being one and done, but realistically I probably don’t. I just feel a little guilty about it, like I’m not maternal, like I’m depriving DC of a sibling but those are my issues and I’m fairly sure no one else gives much of a shiny shit. This probably applies to you too.

Most people I know never want more than two, some even no more than one. I’m a complete weirdo for wanting a third apparently! So I think it’s just who you mix with.

Also my second baby is waaaay easier than my first so maybe that’s why.

You have 2 healthy, happy kids who are probably approaching a nicer age where you can enjoy them. You are totally normal. Keep that coil where it is!

Plenty of people stop at 2 (or 1) kids you are definitely not unreasonable to feel how you feel.

I look at babies and say "awww would love another baby" what i actually mean is new babies are lovely and I remember that stage of my life fondly not actually contemplating another.

If you don't want another one, don't have one. Nothing wrong with that! The world's got quite enough people in it, as it is!