Background: last year Im on Maternity with 2 under 2 and and older child. DH of 15 years out drinking every other weekend and came home with makeup and perfume on his clothes, he denied anything and no proper explanations. Few months later I come across texts to two different girls in work flirty texts. He promised nothing happened that the texts were inappropriate and blocked the girls. Fast forward to December I see he has text the prettier girl and deleted all his texts to her. All I can see is that he text her to get her beauty sleep and she says we all can't be as cute as you with loads of kiss in reply.
Currently: I'm naturally absolutely devastated and struggling to process and cope with all this whilst looking after the children. He has gaslit me for so long and is emotionally abusive blaming me that I'm unloving and controlling, yet I've been on 1 night out last year and he goes out a lot and I never minded him doing that. He has his hobbies and interests and I have none. He doesn't do night feeds or even baths the children because he works and pays for everything whilst I'm on maternity. He does pay for a lot I admit and appreciate that.
Additional info: i asked him to leave. I have been trying my best to co parent as best I can and even though he has really hurt me and won't admit anything I have to see him everyday. He is staying in a shared house so room only which means if he wants to see the children he has to come to my house, I have allowed him to come whenever he wants which is twice a day for hours on end and all weekends because I don't want to be that parent. He is mentally tormenting me, he skips in all happy and rested, smelling nice and dressed well. Me knowing he is making an effort going into work to see this girl who's also married. He finds her attractive of course but won't admit it, I'm here in my leggings like a scruff and struggling to care about anything else. I gave him 4 weeks to move out and he is still doing his washing here and some food. But he's calling me controlling and a nut case.
Naturally I'm having mood swings because I just can't cope with everything that has happened. He won't tell me where he is living at the moment or really anything else so I asked him to stop treating this house like his own (rented) I'm trying to bring in boundaries to protect my mental health, again this is apparently me being controlling.
Final straw was I drop my older child to him each week one day after school to his work. Yesterday when I did this he seen me arrive and was standing close to this other women and acting the big man laughing and like he owns the fucking place. Once my child left the car I just burst out crying because the women was there and him and how am I supposed to cope.
In anger I've now told him not to come into my house ever again, he can see the children whenever he wants but not in my my house. Is this bad that I've done this? He wants to speak to a solicitor and wants 50/50 but I have never stopped contact and I wouldn't either. He says I'm abusive and controlling I do admit because I'm struggling to deal with this I have ranted via text message to him because I don't know what else to do to cope and he's just an unemotional robot.
Thank you for reading.