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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely furious and heart broken

26 replies

myhearthasbroken · 24/03/2008 01:14

I am sobbing my heart out I have lost 2 babies to miscarriage - one in 2003 and the 2nd in 2005 (but was due 2006)

I have never "got over" this and tonight after going through all my pregnancy pics etc I decided it might be therputic to make a webpage for my angels. I chose the first site google threw up which was "gone too soon" I decided to go with it as I have heard of it before.

I put up as the pic me with a bump. and wrote about how I missed my angels even though I never met them and wrote thier edd and then the date they went to heaven.

Chose a nice background etc and was sitting crying but feeling satisfied Id done SOMETHING so help myself.

I noticed some people were lighting candels and realised this is because the newest created sites are shown on the front page - so i was quite touched.

I lit a candel for the people who had left one on my page.

Went to blow my nose etc and make a cup of tea, came back and my page had been totally taken over my people saying "FAKE FAKE" and all these horrible messages!!!!!!!!!!! And also people saying "how can the date the baby died be before its born??" and accusing me of being a fake because of that - is it not blatantly obvious i was meaning MC though? esp as i wrote about how even though i never met them they were so loved. Just because I couldnt bring myself to write MC on the page doesnt mean Im a fake!!!!!!!

Apparently on the site they have had some trouble - and I had a lok and see theirs a blatently fake page where its basically a hate page - very very very sick. And they accused me of being the same person!!!!!! Based on what???? I am clearly not the same person and cant believe how much I am hurting now.

I removed all the nasty comments and put a bit up on the page explaining how much the coments had hurt and that the babies were lost to MC even though I felt horrid ruining my babies page with such petty things. and they posted up all the nasty comments again saying "you can take them off but we will put them up again your a fake"

I have no idea whats made them think that, I can only assume they have had a huge influx of trolls recently and are weary but I have done nothing wrong and now I have deleted the whole page - which I feel HORRIBLE about - how can I have DELETED my babies page???? But it was that or have my babies page turn into a slanging match There seems no way to moderate the comments.

I am so very sad now. I am furious too. It too so much courage to make that page, my first angel was lost in 2003 and its only tonigh I found the courage to make that page and now its gone.

My heart is breaking all over again.

OP posts:
Original poster
myhearthasbroken · 24/03/2008 01:14

ps name changed but I am a reg

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 24/03/2008 01:20

so sad that it took you tons of courage to speak and you feel so devalued losing a baby is like some one ripping your heart out.
do post again (if you can face it)
awww im upset for you now

S1ur · 24/03/2008 01:22

It very sad you are feeling so awful all over again. I don't think the internet is the place to deal with your grief. Perhaps it is time to consider further counselling to deal with the feelings you still have.

I really hope you find the help you need

readytoswiggin · 24/03/2008 01:24

{{{{hugs}}}} That is so sad, it must have been so heartbreaking. for you

madamez · 24/03/2008 01:24

Oh poor you, how utterly horrible. COuld you bear to email the site's owners/moderators and tell them what has happened to you? Because, frankly, a site like this should be moderated to the extent that people can't post nasty comments all over other people's pages - it's not a discussion forum, after all.

scottishmummy · 24/03/2008 01:25

Look at this page

windygalestoday · 24/03/2008 01:26

at my ds 1 and 2s school a beautiful young lad was killed in a tragic accident his mum has a site for him on gone too soon and i think thats been plagued by heartless c*s with nothing better to do than cause misery .....its a sad fact some people thrive on others misery, im sorry this is happenng at what is a very hard time for you xx

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/03/2008 01:33

so sorry and we are all thinking of your little angels

Original poster
myhearthasbroken · 24/03/2008 01:41

thank you all. life just seems so cruel, you know? i feel so alone and like my existance is pointless. (i wont do anything stupid promise but i just feel like i want to)

OP posts:
solo · 24/03/2008 01:46

myhearthasbroken. Try BabieswithGod. It is a Catholic site, but all faiths are welcome provided you stick to some basic rules ie respect for others and for their Catholic beliefs etc. Just google it. If you have problems finding it, let me know and I'll try to find it for you. I don't go on there so much now.
They have a doctor and a priest that will answer any questions, they pray for you and your Babies and the whole group is friendly and welcoming. I put my two Babies on there - lost Ds1 in 1996 and Ds2 in 2005.
I also made up a little box of ' things' (the pg test stick, scan pic etc), and that is precious. I planted a special plant and that was precious too. These are all things that can help the healing. You never forget, but you learn to live with the precious memories of your Babies. I hope this helps.

scottishmummy · 24/03/2008 01:48

please seek out advice if you feel V low. GP or goggle MIND or Look at [[http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/bereavement/bereavement.aspx this page]

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/03/2008 01:48

poor darling your life is not worthless forget those idiots your babies need to be remembered and you are amazing for trying to make sure they are

scottishmummy · 24/03/2008 01:49

Look at this page

Aitch · 24/03/2008 01:57

deep breaths, myheart, deep breaths.

yes it matters, all this stuff, it was mean what they did, they are being unthinking and cruel and it shouldn't be allowed but None Of This has anything to do with your two wee lost babies and the lovely tribute you paid them in creating that page, none of it. they are grieving too, and they demonstrate their pain by lashing out at someone who they suspected of taking the piss out of their pain.

but it's not true, you did a nice thing, some people spoiled it, and now you will do it again, somewhere kinder.

and when you do, post the web address here and we will come and light candles for you and your wee lost children, okay? we can all try to make this better, even just a little bit will help.

helenhismadwife · 24/03/2008 09:28

Im really shocked at how heartless some people, could you not use the blog pages on mn to do a memory page for your little angels

mankymummy · 24/03/2008 09:34

that is absolutely awful.

I'm a web designer. if you would like to get yourself a domain name and send me the photo's/text etc. you would like put on there and the ftp address and password I will make a site for you.

That way it will stay exactly as you would like it (although I'm not adept enough to programme it so people can light candles for you or anything).

If you'd like me to do this, let me know and I will send you my email address.

CrushWithEyeliner · 24/03/2008 09:34

I am shocked and really sad for you - some people are just sick - they will get theirs. Please don't let it upset you too much - there are some fuckers out there (first swear on MN)

BearMama · 24/03/2008 09:51

OMG I want to cry - so sorry to hear about your experience. To put your heartfelt feelings out there and have some &$%!!* respond in such a way - .

MM - what a lovely thing to offer to do for the OP.

2shoes · 24/03/2008 10:23

just read the op.
so sorry that some nasty people have added to your hurt

staryeyed · 24/03/2008 10:31

Perhaps you can do something for your angels at home in a book where it is private and no one can spoil it for you? There are nasty people in the world who have nothing better to do than cause people hurt and suffering.

Aitch · 24/03/2008 11:45

are you sure that's what's happened, though? doesn't it seem much more likely that because they'd had problems with trolls before and because the dates didn't add up that, being bereaved themselves and still in pain, they lashed out? there doesn't seem to be much point in characterising them as nasty etc, does their? it's the less likely explanation.

lottiejenkins · 24/03/2008 11:59

I have just rung Gone To Soon and told them what has been said here and that i personally am disgusted that people are allowed to say nasty things on the site. Why dont you ring them and explain what has happened? Hugs for you xx

alicet · 24/03/2008 14:03

I am absolutely shocked that people could do this. I appreciate that they might be in pain and lashing out in the only way they know how but the fact remains that this is unforigvable behaviour.

Mankymummy thats a really lovely offer for the op. I also think the suggestion of a memory box and / or book where you can write your memories and it can't be defaced by tossers is a lovely idea.

I can't begin to pretend I have any idea what you're going through - thankfully my 2 boys remain fit and healthy and I hope and pray that that will continue. But my thoughts are with you xxx

hazygirl · 24/03/2008 14:11

a suppotive site my dd goes on and says they are a great support is www.ourforeverbabies.com have u tried there.

totalmisfit · 24/03/2008 14:17

i think you need to protect yourself. as you say, your heart is broken, you have lost two people you love so dearly, you need to coccoon yourself for a while. If you feel you need to write about how much you are hurting, perhaps you could keep a diary rather than putting yourself 'out there' on the amoral world of the internet when you are clearly feeling so vulnerable. (mumsnet is probably a huge exception to this rule btw)

I'm sure other posters will know the names of mc organisations you can get in touch with where you can get the support you need. (((((hugs))))