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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone ask their partner/husband for the second date?

29 replies

Iamsotiredofit · 19/02/2024 19:08

And it worked?
Apparently women should never do this as it will put a man off..would be interested to hear any stories.

OP posts:
CalmFish · 19/02/2024 21:13

Yes I did! At the end of the first date I told him I’d had a really nice time and would like to see him again but if he didn’t feel the same way, no hard feelings. We’ve been together nearly 7 years and married nearly 2.

Wictc · 19/02/2024 21:24

Don't people just arrange a next date at the end of the date? I honesty can’t remember who asked who on any dates, just mutual texting.

I think any relationship dictated by rules is not one I would want to enter into.

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 19/02/2024 21:27

yes. I joked I will be moving in and it happened lol, that I had to move in

statetrooperstacey · 19/02/2024 23:12

I asked for his number and basically a first date in very inappropriate circumstances . Married 10 years now . Be upfront, make your intentions clear, but never ever chase!!

Loafbeginsat60 · 19/02/2024 23:21

After our first date I told him I didn't feel a spark.

Then the next day I woke up and felt really sad about the prospect of not seeing him again and realised I had made a mistake

So I asked him for another chance and we went out for dinner

We were engaged a week later....!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 19/02/2024 23:26

I asked him if he would like to come back ( when he was leaving my house after our first night together).
He said he would prefer not to go at all.

Still hasn’t left after 42 years …..

LilBus · 19/02/2024 23:31

Nope and I wouldn’t call me old fashioned 🤷‍♀️ he asked to see me again.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 19/02/2024 23:38

So mine had my phone number for a whole week after we met and didn’t call me (this was in the dark ages when people met at bars) as my friend had given him my number.

I ran into him and promptly said “So you’ve had my number for a week now and haven’t called?”

Later that night over drinks he told me he did laundry and cooked… I proposed on the spot 😁

We did have a complicated time dating due to the fact we worked opposite schedules and neither of us had a lot of time. But we got engaged at the 1 year mark and married on the 2.

Start as you mean to go… if you want a second date ask him!

UnNiddeRides · 19/02/2024 23:44

Is this because of your other thread? You drew conclusions from that one so maybe just put it behind you now?

spookehtooth · 19/02/2024 23:59

I'm put off by women articulating a strong belief in anything to do with traditional gender roles or rules like that, personally. It'll be one of my reason for swiping left 🤷‍♂️

That particular one would probably go unnoticed though, as I'm fairly direct & if I'm interested I'll be asking myself fairly soon afterwards. It'd be quite nice if she was quicker, I think it happened once. I don't play any kind of games

JamSandle · 20/02/2024 00:05

I seem to always take the lead in relationships. Maybe I was a man in a past life. 😆

JamSandle · 20/02/2024 00:08

To add, I think a lot of men find it really refreshing. And you can only be you. If you're more direct be that. If you're more traditional be that. It's all okay.

whosaidtha · 20/02/2024 07:28

I asked him on the first date. Not sure about the second. What does that mean? We've been together 16years. Married for 11

UtopiaCookbook · 20/02/2024 07:38

No, OP. Literally everyone woman who is married or in a relationship sat about girlishly hoping the phone would ring because asking for a date is a Man’s Job, and would probably make us grow facial hair and wee standing up.

BashfulClam · 20/02/2024 07:45

Yes I asleep we were both really nervous when we first me and had been texting back and forth in the days after it. A few days later I asked if he’d like to go out again. He didn’t answer and I was sad, an hour later he suggested a great date idea (he’d been in his neighbours house for a coffee so didn’t have his phone). I kind if engineered the first date by dropping a hint larger than the moon. 17 years later the poor bigger is stuck with me.

BashfulClam · 20/02/2024 07:47

Also men are a bit dense when it comes to dating, they need to know you are interested, game playing achieves nothing.

BarrelOfOtters · 20/02/2024 07:49

Yes. It gets worse, he was my boss and we’d got together on a really messy works night out, in the typical British way of being pissed. He was also going through a divorce so was vulnerable and I should have left well alone.

i pushed for a second date, sober….

We’ve been together 18 years and married for 14.

1dayatatime · 20/02/2024 12:53

"Apparently women should never do this as it will put a man off..would be interested to hear any stories."

+++

Instead how about women actually being proactive and getting the partner they want rather than the one that they are offered.

I much prefer the geordie expression of "shy bairns get nowt".

TheSandgroper · 20/02/2024 13:01

I asked mine for the first date.

JamSandle · 20/02/2024 13:02

1dayatatime · 20/02/2024 12:53

"Apparently women should never do this as it will put a man off..would be interested to hear any stories."

+++

Instead how about women actually being proactive and getting the partner they want rather than the one that they are offered.

I much prefer the geordie expression of "shy bairns get nowt".

Yes yes yes! I love women choosing there partners. It's so amazing.

randomchap · 20/02/2024 13:06

My late wife asked me out, we had many happy years together.

Tittyfilarious81 · 20/02/2024 13:08

I asked my now dh out for a first date and he said yes ok and from then on it was a case of what are we doing next time . 27 years together now so I guess it didn't put him off 😊

ILoveMyCaravan · 20/02/2024 13:09

Yes I asked him to come over the following day and bring his toothbrush...

27 years and two kids later Smile

mindutopia · 20/02/2024 13:16

😂I don't even think dh and I went on a 'date' for about the first 2 months we were together. We just hang out together and with friends and went for drinks with friends. I do remember pointing out to him that we'd never been on an actual date, so he took me out for an Italian. It did not put him off me. We've been happily married for 15 years.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 20/02/2024 13:23

No idea.

What do you mean by "and it worked?"? I didn't do things/not do things because they might "work" or not because I had no interest in pretending to be someone I wasn't, or acting in a way that was unnatural to me. I wanted to see him again, so I either asked or said yes, can't remember which. But some batshit rules about the woman not asking wouldn't have swayed me either way.