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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about this

14 replies

Pinapplepizza · 19/02/2024 14:50

My cousin is getting married this year. He told family early on that he would be getting married abroad, where his fiancee is from, with a very small wedding and would have a party for everyone celebrating the wedding once they were back. Thought this was fine and have had friends do similar. Not sure of exact reasons but I would guess a lot to do with cost.

Had a family meet up this weekend and now know they are getting married in summer but not having the 'wedding party' till near christmas. I was positive with them but a bit deflated. Missing the actual ceremony is already a shame but leaving the celebration with wider family and friends till so long after doesn't feel the same. They won't even be newly weds.

It's their wedding and completely their choice I'll never say anthing to them, but AIBU to feel a bit sad about this?

OP posts:
JacquesHarlow · 19/02/2024 14:53

In short, yes. I'm afraid when it comes to weddings, the bride and groom can go on all kinds of flights of fancy, get married 1000s of miles away from one of the couple's families, and we just have to accept it - because it is their choice.

You can't really reasonably project onto them what you would like.

They're still going ahead with the party! They're just doing it at a time of year which oddly is making you feel sadder about it. Why is it an issue that they 'won't be nearly newly weds"... surely the party is to celebrate their marriage as a whole, not the 'newness' of it?

Original poster
Pinapplepizza · 19/02/2024 15:13

Yes like I said I agree it's their choice. My AIBU was about feeling a bit sad about the length of time between the wedding and celebration.

I guess the not being 'nearly newly weds' is the same as going to a vow renewal isn't as special as the original wedding. There is a specialness to newness.

Again this isn't something I'd ever mention to them.

OP posts:
AffIt · 19/02/2024 15:18

If they're getting married in the summer - so presumably between June-early September and holding the party 'near Christmas', so November/December, then surely that'll be about six months max between celebrations, which is still pretty new in most people's books?

I think you're getting yourself unnecessarily upset over a non-event here.

GinaLoubie · 19/02/2024 15:20

Why would you be sad about their day? Its really up to them to do whatever they want.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 19/02/2024 15:21

This is a total non event, a party celebrating a wedding a month prior is exactly the same as a party celebrating a wedding 4 months prior.

Honestly, what difference does it make to you being happy to celebrate with them?

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/02/2024 15:23

I think the gap is quite nice. They’ll be over the initial couple of months where everyone and their colleague’s dog asks you “so, what’s married life like?!” and be in a different type of celebratory mood. This way, the party is about more than just celebrating the wedding that you didn’t attend, and everyone there will be on an even footing i.e. nobody should feel as though they’ve missed out on what came immediately beforehand.

Original poster
Pinapplepizza · 19/02/2024 15:25

Maybe it's partly because the other wedding celebrations like this I've been to have been as soon after the wedding as feasible. So within a week or so of returning home. It didn't feel so disconnected from the wedding whereas this does.

I love these people and want them to have the best day and marriage and will celebrate with them in whatever way works for them. It just doesn't feel the same. It's my issue and it doesn't seem like it would bother any of you.

OP posts:
CavalierApproach · 19/02/2024 15:26

I do think it's a bit odd and overly involved to feel sad about something like this.

It's not really up to you to decide that their celebration is less special because of the passage of a few months.

WhatNoRaisins · 19/02/2024 15:27

You aren't wrong for how you feel. I'd feel like a celebration several months later had nothing to do with the event. Obviously keep your feelings to yourself as it's up to them what they do ultimately.

Original poster
Pinapplepizza · 19/02/2024 15:35

WhatNoRaisins · 19/02/2024 15:27

You aren't wrong for how you feel. I'd feel like a celebration several months later had nothing to do with the event. Obviously keep your feelings to yourself as it's up to them what they do ultimately.

We're clearly in a minority but at least I'm not completely on my own!
I would never say anything to them. It's completely their choice.

Also to other posters I'm not crying into my cornflakes about this I just feel it's a bit of a shame.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 19/02/2024 15:39

People here tend to think it's cool to be not fussed about weddings if that makes sense. Weddings are a big deal to some people and that's fine too.

MissusKay · 19/02/2024 15:43

We had a celebration for our wedding almost twelve months after we married. It was too make sure everyone we wanted to come was able to. No one seemed to mind.

They probably have a pretty good reason for the delay.

ancienticecream · 19/02/2024 15:58

Personally, I don't really see the point of having a wedding party months after the actual wedding. I'm happy to accept I'm in the minority 🤣

Didimum · 19/02/2024 16:37

I think you need to examine why exactly you feel sad about it? Do you feel entitled to be part of the day? Do you feel they owe you something?

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