AIBU Not to feel sad at all

[tryingtogetinshape]

Name changed for this.
This may sound odd to some i had some news that 12 months ago my ex died.
Didnt believe it at first.
When i heard about it i felt nothing but freedom and a shame to say kinda happy.
It was over. Years of threats and hiding from him came to an end.
We was together a few year the abuse was awful when i got away with the help of womens aid i was still in fear of him.
I dont no how but he would always get my number and find out what town i was in and start again with threats.
I had no SM still dont.
The calls did stop in the end after a few year but the fear of bumping into him was still there seeing someone random in the distance that looked like him i would run.
I suffer with panic attacks and ptsd because of it.
It was like he would taunt me at any chance he got.
So i got the news and it was true he died but i felt free i could walk about without my head down being or on guard.
22 years of hiding and living in fear has ended.
I dont have anyone that i could say it to in real life as they may think im a selfish cow but still 12 months on im more than happy with the news.
But i did tell my counselor it was like I won the lottery she said it will take a while for it to sink in i dont think she understands it.
But no one lived through what i did it changed me as a person and i still have scars.
AIBU to say im pleased he died.

YANBU.

I hope you can find some peace

No YANBU to feel happy that an abusive person died. But now it’s time to move on

YANBU - I’d go as far as to say I hope he is burning in hell for being so abusive to you.

I hope your life continues to improve. You deserve peace and freedom.

The news of his death must be such a relief to you, yes I expect you will be overjoyed - it is over forever !
Now you can definitely move on and never have to look behind you.

Not unreasonable at all. He was so abusive you couldn't just leave, you had to run away, why would you be sad he's dead? 22 years is more than enough Op, now he's dead I hope you can finally forget him

I do admit i cried when i found out it was true but not because he was dead but i was free if that makes any sense.

I think your reaction is healthy and understandable. You are clear sighted enough to know that his death is a positive thing for you as it releases you from living under the cloud of fear. Its objectively 'sad' that someone can inhabit this planet and their defining impact is that they made life worse for another person, because that's such a waste of a life. But that's how it was. Enjoy your peace of mind. Sounds like it's been a long time coming.

Of course you are happy as this invisible threat which you always felt now gone. You should be overjoyed.
I would be really curious what your counselor meant by her words.

My ex died 17 months ago. I actually felt a weight lift off me. Sometimes I forget and then remember with a smile.... Sadly he did such a number on the dc they got huge DAD tattoos.. Dread the day their memories are dug up.

His hold over your life is over, it's very reasonable to be relieved and happy, not at his death but over what his death means for you. No need to mourn him at all. Enjoy the rest of your life.

Totally normal. That is like getting the all-clear after having cancer, of course you are happy and relieved!

OP initial crying was from relief I would imagine.
I have never seen a 100% YANBU on MN before!! Take the courage you so evidently have and live the best life you can, whatever that looks like. Healing is possible!

But i did tell my counselor it was like I won the lottery she said it will take a while for it to sink in i dont think she understands it.

There may be some aspects of his behaviour that you wouldn't have chosen to think about too much when he was alive. Now that it is. "safe" to do so, they may come back to you unexpectedly and surprise you - maybe she was saying that although he is dead it is not necessarily over emotionally?

Fuck it though, it's a good start!

It’s not bad to feel relief that someone who abused you has died. I was relieved when my abuser died too. It can be a complicated time because although you can be sure now that you are entirely safe, some people can feel guilt for being pleased. That might come later, or you might bypass it entirely. Either way, he can’t harm you any more and that’s something to be happy about!

I can only imagine the relief you feel at the threat being gone forever. I'm so happy for you that you're free. Have a wonderful rest of your life. X