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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not really an AIBU, but what would you do?

22 replies

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:47

We're all on holidays this week and are due to visit my family in south Wales. Both DS and I are ill. I'm smothering with cold, feel awful but am OK when dosed up with lemsip or similar. Poor DS isn't really himself at all. He is quiet, clingy and feels quite hot. He has a rash on his tummy and back and generally isn't right. It hasn't stopped him eating chocolate or playing today. It took ages to get him off to sleep tonight and he has had 2 bouts of uncontrollable tears, which is not like him at all.

I've spoken with my mother this evening, who was quite off with me when I mentioned that we were feeling ill. She told me that we'd be ill wherever we were so we might as well travel. I then rang my father who told me that it wasn't fair to travel with DS if he is ill and told me to make a decision in the morning.

Until the conversation with my parents I hadn't really considered not going to visit them. I haven't packed and quite honestly I can't be bothered as I feel so rubbish. I am pretty sure that DS would prefer not to sit in the car for 3 hours. DH would definitely be happy not to go. If we don't go my mother will be miffed. She has a chest infection as well.

DS is 17 months old. What would you do?

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K999 · 23/03/2008 21:49

I would not go tbh. Whats the point if you are all ill and imo it is always better to be in your own home when you are feeling crap.

Divastrop · 23/03/2008 21:50

i wouldnt go

naturalblonde · 23/03/2008 21:50

Think I'd stay at home tbh. If youe mum is ill too it's not gonna do anyone any good, esp your ds.

Maybe do as your dad says and see how you're all feeling in the morning

peasoup · 23/03/2008 21:50

Don't go; it will be miserable for you to make the journey feeling the way you do. Could you go later in the week if you all start to feel better?

Flibbertyjibbet · 23/03/2008 21:51

Ask us in the morning when you know how you and ds are feeling!

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:51

That is really what I want to hear K999. Trouble is I have an awful relationship with my mother and this sort of thing will probably mean the silent treatment for a couple of weeks.

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ingles2 · 23/03/2008 21:52

Can't your mother travel to you?

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:53

We could go later in the week but had planned to go in the early part because my father has commitments in the latter part of the week. I'd really like to see him because we don't ever have the opportunity. I do feel like pants though.

It wouldn't bother me travelling ill, but I don't want to inflict it on poor DS. My mother never gave me any sympathy when ill so I do tend to over-compensate for it with DS. I never really know if I am being over-protective.

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OhYouBadBadKitten · 23/03/2008 21:53

I wouldn't go. no way. I don't think its fair to take a little one away if they arent well and I don't think its fair on you either if you aren't well. Not with travelling and then having to be on good behaviour rather than just mooching around the house making yourself comfortable.
Also, if your Mum has a chest infection then shes going to be vulnerable to whatever you and your ds have.
Stay at home, don't feel guilty, you are looking after you and your family.

Cluckinnora · 23/03/2008 21:54

Oh...
Was just about to ask if going home to mam would mean lots of good food and rest while she fusses over DS and you get to watch daytime tv and get better?

Maybe not from your last post?

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:54

ingles2, please no! That would mean her staying with us. The main point of the trip is to see my elderly great grandmother (94) but I wouldn't want to see her at the moment in case she catches it.

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CarGirl · 23/03/2008 21:54

If you're feeling no better tomorrow ring your Mum and cancel (explain how you're worse!) and ask when she is next free so you can some her then/or her come to you to try and soften the blow. Remind her that if she has a chest infection then you giving her a nasty cold virus could make her really unwell.

K999 · 23/03/2008 21:54

Well, the thing is, what kind of fun would any of you have (including your mother) if you are all ill? You all need time to chill and get better and then you can visit when you are all up to it. Explain this to your dad as he seems slightly more reasonable!!

pedilia · 23/03/2008 21:56

I would stay at home, it is bad enough that you are feeling crap but DS as well is to much.
This has to be about you and your immediate family, mum will just have to lump it IMHO

ingles2 · 23/03/2008 21:56

Aah
See how you are in the morning then, but don't travel if you and yours are unwell. there is no point and a miserable time will be had by all.

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:56

All good things here! Just what I wanted to hear, really. We hadn't planned to stay with my mother which is another source of bad feeling. We planned to stay with my father and step-mother which is another reason for not going. It is not the house I was brought up in so we do very much feel like guests there so not a great place to be ill!

Staying at home is looking more and more attractive...

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pippylongstockings · 23/03/2008 21:57

Agree - stay at home and look after yourselves.

What is to be gained by travelling & both being ill at your parents?

Understand that you feel bad but at the end of the day your and your childrens health is most important - there will be other times that you can visit.

llareggub · 23/03/2008 21:58

I love mumsnet. I am now going to abandon any pretence of packing and am going to snuggle up on the sofa with a lemsip.

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amytheearwaxbanisher · 23/03/2008 22:00

i wouldnt go when ds and i are both very ill we sit on the couch cuddled up with a duvet[or fan depending on tempature]watching dvds,i hate dragging him out when i know he would be happier at home

pedilia · 23/03/2008 22:00

good on you hope you and DS are feeling better soon x

readytoswiggin · 23/03/2008 22:01

Agree with everyone else, stay home, there will be other opportunities. ?You would feel worseif you are making the effort to be 'good guests'.

Your mum will get over the disappointment, there's always next time.

llareggub · 23/03/2008 22:08

Thanks all. I am looking forward to telling DH when he gets home. He will be thrilled!

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