Payrise and maintenance

[Lillo7]

Keen to hear people's opinions about this.

Two DC, father is married with more children. Mother is single.

Father is not on a great wage however his wife has received several payrises in the years they've been together and works in a professional career which means as a whole their household is quite well off and can afford quite a lot of luxuries.

Maintenance is paid by the father based on his low wage. Mother is struggling a little as also on a lower wage.

Mother argues that they should pay more as a household instead due to wife's higher pay, obviously not officially through CMS as they don't take new partners into account, but morally. Wife disagrees and says what she earns is nothing to do with the mother and is for her household/children/ stepchildren when there, not at their mums.

Father stuck in the middle a bit.

Random poll options

YABU - wife should subsidise higher maintenance.

YANBU - Mother and father should care for their children on their own respective wages and what wife earns is nothing to do with the mother.

They should only pay more if the dad is only on a low wage as he works part time to facilitate childcare of the younger children whilst his wife works. As long as he is working a decent amount of hours then it should be based on his wage only.

No no and no. It's not the role of his wife to bank roll you.

Both parents should be striving for this.

And the dad should read the room. If his kids are struggling, driving round in a brand new car isn't a good look.

I mean, he could level with them. "Your mum doesn't earn enough and I don't pay enough to provide you with a good standard of living at hers, but I'm lucky because @Lillo7 earns a lot more so can fund a very good life for me here. Sorry about that." But that might be too much honesty for children.

That's a ridiculous statement.

He may as well say "your mum is inept but @Lillo7 is really good at her job so she's able to earn more more because she's not as useless as your mum is".

That is equally as awful.

why are you not answering this Goldbar?

When I look back on my childhood, my parents weren't very well-off. They didn't work in very well-paid careers and money was often tight.

But one thing my siblings and I are in no doubt of is that they sacrificed hugely to give us every advantage in life that they could.

I wonder if this man's children will say the same for him when they are grown up?

Do I think the mother is inadequate for not earning lots? Is that your question?

I wonder if this man's children will say the same for him when they are grown up?

Will they be able to say that about their mum?

My parents didn't earn a lot but they were in no way inadequate - mum or dad. Because we were the centre of their world.

I actually can't imagine my dad paying just above minimum CM and then buying new cars while my mum struggled to look after us.

It's not about money, it's about priorities.

That’s not an answer

It is if you use half a brain cell.

assume I cant
spell out the answer for me
make it simple

This is like watching a backbencher waffle on Question Time 🍿

Been to the gym and back… are we still waiting?

No she’s answered but I was too stupid to understand it so I’ve asked her to simplify it for me

The dad isn't buying new cars, his WIFE is WITH HER BONUS, which just happens to be none of the exes business.

I'm sorry, but I fail to see why the OP should fund additional child support for her step children.

What the OP does with her money is not the exes business. Even the CMS recognise this.

I think the reply was… inadequate