Do we try for another baby?

[elm26]

A few of you may recognise my username, after 13 unexplained miscarriages, we had our little miracle in May last year.

She is the absolute joy and light of our lives.

We would really like a sibling for her HOWEVER it took us 9 years to fall pregnant with a healthy baby who stuck around, I had horrific hyperemesis the whole pregnancy and 2 failed epidurals when in labour.

I'm in my early 30's and I don't want to be raising small children in my 40's. I'm terrified that if I fell pregnant soon and suffered with hyperemesis again that I'd really struggle to look after our DD because I was bed bound during a lot of my pregnancy and in and out of hospital on vitamin and hydration drips but I can't resign myself to never trying to have another child.

I am extremely grateful for our DD and we agreed as soon as talks of number 2 came up that if I were to miscarry again, there would be a limit as to how much we could put ourselves through before we stopped trying and accepted that we have a beautiful healthy daughter and that's all that matters, I definitely couldn't do another 9 years of repeated losses.

My consultant said that being pregnant is like muscle memory and once you've carried a viable baby to term, your body remembers what to do. However, I know it doesn't always work like this.

Any advice, experiences of your own if you feel comfortable to share them etc would be appreciated x

Have you got anyone who can help with childcare if you have another pregnancy? I haven’t had HG but I remember reading an interview with Helen Flanagan where she was praising her parents and saying it was through them taking over parenting her pre existing child(ren) when she was preg that she was able to have 3 kids in total.

So sorry to hear you had such an awful time.

I wonder the same as the PP, OP. Of course you could have an entirely different pregnancy but I think HG can strike more than once too if I’m being totally honest (eg Kate Middleton). So I’d want to know that if I did have a similar pregnancy, there’d be a trusted relative or friend to help with your DD. Mind you, I’m sure I’ve read about women’s experiences on here where they insist on the medication second time round to prevent the severe HG? I’d discuss this with my consultant and ask about any side effects, compatibility with any other meds your taking etc…

Our DC are the same age and we’re thinking of TTC again when she’s 1. I don’t have age on my side that much though as I’m 35 at the end of this year. Would have loved three DC when in my twenties, before meeting my DH in my early thirties, but I can’t see that happening now. I know it’s not impossible but like you I’d rather be done by my mid thirties, if possible of course. I didn’t have HG but I did have ill health requiring medication, some with potential risks albeit very small to the baby but they were absolutely essential to me and recommended by my consultant (not taking them would have been a risk to the baby too) so that also came with crippling anxiety throughout. I then had reduced movement and growth restriction so I constantly worried, even in labour.

Despite this, we think we’re going for it after a year. I had a EMCS and I want to wait the recommended time and I would really love a second 🙏🏼. If I was ambivalent about having another child, I’m not sure I’d try again. It’s a long old nine months when poorly and/or extremely anxious. Yes, they are wonderful when they finally arrive but I think only we can know if we can put ourselves through it again.

All the best with your decision.

Thank you both @LauritaEvita @Lka8 for your words of wisdom!

We are really lucky that we have a fantastic support system on both sides however both sets of grandparents still work full time. They see DD every weekend without fail and she has stayed overnight with both sets a couple of times on a weekend.

My main concern is definitely hyperemesis striking a second time but if I don't try I'll never know and I don't want to be 50 and regret not trying for that second baby so I think we are going to go for it.

Like you @Lka8 we are going to wait until DD is 1 in May and go for it. Best of luck to you too! ☺️

I’m a bit in the same boat. Currently 17W pregnant with our IVF baby after 5 unexplained miscarriages, an ectopic, and loss of MCMA twins last year at 21 weeks. I am suffering so badly with HG, bed bound a lot and have had a line put in my arm to get IV meds and hydration at the hospital 3x a week. It’s been in nearly 6 weeks.

We are debating having this baby and immediately trying again for another one or doing another transfer. My thought process being I’ll be on maternity leave with DH working at home so that’s the best time to be ridiculously sick if I get HG again.

I do have DS, who’s 5, so I think your consultant is a bit misguided. My body hasn’t found any of the pregnancies easier despite having carried a healthy one. HG is a gamble. I have it with this pregnancy and with DS but oddly I didn’t get it with my twins. I was sick but a normal level of sick with them. It’s such an odd gamble.

TBH it does sound like your HG was pretty debilitating and I'd be surprised if you had another baby without any health issues in pg or additional miscarriages. Sometimes you just have to be grateful for the dcs you have and make sure you can be present for them really. It's a hard decision but there is only so much that is your choice, nature will decide in the end.

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear of your losses @Rtmhwales and that you are suffering so badly with HG. It's really awful and you have my full sympathy, it's absolutely debilitating.

Only you can make that decision when your little one is born. I wish you all the best 🩷

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear of your losses @Rtmhwales and that you are suffering so badly with HG. It's really awful and you have my full sympathy, it's absolutely debilitating.

Only you can make that decision when your little one is born. I wish you all the best 🩷

I agree @jellew and I'll always be happy and content with the healthy daughter that we have but I think I would regret not trying for another, even if we don't manage to actually have another. I wouldn't put us through all of the losses again, if it isn't meant to be it's not meant to be. I've made peace with having one healthy beautiful daughter but I would like to try for another.

Drink okra water to help you get pregnant