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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable

7 replies

Expectationtoohigh · 18/02/2024 18:47

Where to start, I have been with my partner for 6 years now. We have 4 children together and don't get me wrong we have always had out ups and downs the same as probably a lot of other couples but the past few months seem to be really bad and I am now at the point where I am repeatedly telling him I don't want us to be together anymore ( even though I couldn't see my life without him) all because I feel he can't see that his behaviour is pushing our relationship apart. He doesn't drink every day but when he does its alot and then he only thinks of him. He goes off on a night out and since Christmas I have had calls to say that he is kicking off in car parks, he has been in an altercation which resulted in him being glassed, he has taken drugs and feels like he is going to die the list is endless.
I know I'm not easy and i can get argumentative at times but my life revolves around our children 24/7 and all he moans at me about is loosing weight. But, right now that isn't my priority my children are.
He calls me fat and compares me to other women all the time, he constantly looks at other women and makes comments to me about them and then if I say something it's my issue because I'm overweight. He says I smell if I haven't had time to shower. He took time off work to support me at home with the kids and I get a bit of help but not with the actual big stuff. I never have a full night's sleep. I'm at the end of my teather with him.
The icing on the cake may even seem silly but for Valentines day he really wanted a specific gold bracelet and I bought it for him then what did I get....... nothing. To then find out he's been hiding money from me. He said he saving up to leave me. I've told him why wait anymore if he wants to go then go. I'm really stuck with hating someone I love and it's destroying me now.

OP posts:
SoRainbowRhythms · 18/02/2024 18:50

Of course you're not being unreasonable! He sounds like a grade a arsehole. Kick him out.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/02/2024 18:51

There is absolutely nothing worth saving about this relationship. Kick him out permanently and move on with your life.

UltramarineViolet · 18/02/2024 18:51

He sounds awful

Separation sounds like the best thing all round

Ecstaticmotion · 18/02/2024 18:53

What an absolutely horrible man, and horrible relationship. End it and build a new and better life.

Mamaspegg · 18/02/2024 18:58

It's very easy to see things through rose tinted glasses etc, but no matter how much you love someone...you also need respect. The things he is saying and doing are not respectful in any way. I would end it and start over with you and the kiddos. I know that can be daunting but nobody deserves to be spoken to like that, he sounds awful. All the best to you!

BeArtfulLemonCat · 18/02/2024 21:56

I have had this in past relationships. I think the nasty weight comments usually come from a place of trying to keep you down. Making you feel so low that you won't leave. But I think it's also combined with his behaviour something turbulent going on in his mind causing him to lash out

You need to sit with yourself. Look at your body. Look at your body look at what it has done for you. You have 4 children! Give yourself power over your confidence and self worth. Don't give your power to him. Don't let his words affect you. It is hard but you have to big up yourself. Make yourself feel good wear your favourite outfit. Do some self care - hair, nails or whatever it is that makes you feel good.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and his attitude might change towards you when he sees he doesn't have any power over you anymore. I don't believe especially with children in just throwing away a relationship. Tell him you would like to get some counselling and take it from there. If it doesn't work you will know you tried everything you could. Best wishes

ChihuahuasREvil · 18/02/2024 22:00

He’s a twat, bin him

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