To be at a loss with my fussy eater?!

[onetwonetoo]

Posting here for traffic but please God will someone help me

Our six year old DS eats next to nothing. He pale and always tired.

I've tried all types of things - his (once) favourite meals, hidden veg meals, paediatric milkshakes, bribery, being strict, being soft.

None of it works long term.

His response to an offer of food is I'm not hungry at the moment and he'll then complain of belly ache which we know is hunger.

When he does eat he will look at the plate and say I can only eat half of that even if the meal is tiny.

He always leaves something and it's a massive effort to get him to eat even a small amount.

I'm at a loss and I'm worried about him.

Every week his diet becomes more beige and more stuff drops out. So now he will no longer eat eggs, and is very reluctant to eat cheese which was once his favourite.

Any advice would be appreciated

I was just about to jump on with coeliac too, especially if he's complaining of tummy ache after beige foods. I'd really push for a test. If he's diagnosed the difference is life changing.

Thank you for the advice on celiac - it hadn't occurred to me at all.

Besides the ongoing complaints of stomach ache - a year now, gp always says constipation or viral, we have frequent bouts diarrhoea and semi regular constipation.

We've also had lots of behavioural issues with the school - to the point of the SEN lead being assigned to DS.

It definitely sounds like the coeliac thing needs investigating quickly. My sister is coeliac and she wasn't diagnosed till her 40s. Her symptoms were exactly like your wee boys....

Oh in that case definitely also make sure inflammatory bowel disease is ruled out as well as coeliac disease.

https://crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/info-support/information-about-crohns-and-colitis/all-information-about-crohns-and-colitis/understanding-crohns-and-colitis/how-to-get-a-diagnosis

Alternating diarrhoea and constipation is classic for bowel problems.

I'd look closer

My son is nearly 6 and we have struggled all his life to broaden his food groups. He also has speech delay and recently assessed to be ASD. He has a lot going on.

He managed to explain recently that food that looks different to his safe food scares him. I respect that and we keep to safe food plus something in a separate bowl to try.

We don't try and stress him at meal times and respect his boundaries.

Often we also hand feed him when it's a new food. That helps him.

It's hard and it's hugely frustrating.

There is a strong link between coeliac and ASD. Likewise between ASD and ARFID.

I have a really fussy eater and my biggest thing is to rule out allergies! She’s IGE (rash, swelling lips etc) to peanuts but she’s non IGE to dairy and so every time she had dairy she was getting more and more uncomfortable and then she starting refusing foods as she knew it would hurt but was too young to tell us, and then she started refusing foods she had surrounding dairy as she associated those with the pain too. She’s been off dairy for a four years now but she’s still very unsure about new/different food and will check multiple times if it’s dairy free before eating it and will still refuse it if she’s not convinced (she had a very lengthy discussion with a lovely costa barista the other day as they didn’t have oat milk and she didn’t trust the soya milk, they ended up pouring both cows milk and soya milk to show her the difference in colour and let her sniff them 😂).
The difficulty with ruling out allergies is you need to exclude one allergen at a time for a minimum of 4 weeks to see if it truly makes a difference so definitely ask your GP for a referral to a paediatric dietician as ours was a life saver during this!

I was a very fussy eater until I started making my own foods and then I was able to try them myself. I really struggled with everything that you describe, and the more my parents got worried, the more my anxiety about food increased.

Now I have the 10x rule which is I won't write a food off until I have tried it 10 times, because I am sensitive to strong flavours. Could be useful to have 3 new foods a week and keep track.

Also to add, I got awful stomach aches as a child, because I was just hungry and very anxious. Its good to rule out allergies and coeliac, but if he doesn't test positive then another option to try is let him make his own food, and play with different foods on his own.

Well it definitely doesn't sound as if he is doing it to get some sense of control, to annoy or piss anyone off or to get access to forbidden/treat type foods.

Serve food family style (if that means all the options on offer, take what you want, I assume it does).

Ensure every meal has some elements you're reasonably sure he will eat.

Push and push and push for GP's to take this seriously, I recognise some of his symptoms from my own gastroparesis - I don't feel hungry, I feel full in fact, and then tummy ache and gut ache and swing between diarrhoea and constipation - but these symptoms could be any one of a range of issues, all of which need proper investigation and treatment.

I also have ARFID so anyone pushing me to try food when I feel full, ill or simply know it will make me gag/retch/puke will absolutely make me feel worse. Even seemingly encouraging comments like 'there, see that wasn't so bad' or 'well done for trying that' can be enough, so say nothing at all.

Healthy humans with no neurological or physical issues do not make themselves underweight, pale and lethargic - there is a problem, it may be more than one thing, but it is there.

I feel your pain OP. My six year old has gradually begun to refuse once favourites foods. Cheese, ham, chicken, avacado, tomatoes, hummus, carrots and lots more are all pushed away now.
I sometimes find it very stressful, she eats so little if anything at meal times with us, won’t eat anything in a sauce and only plain pasta or plain rice. I’ve started to try and not think of her eating at set times and trying to respond to when she is feeling hungry. One thing she likes is a plate of bits. This eve she had
some pecans (thankfully she likes all nuts), a few olives and gerkins, two fingers of thickly buttered toast, some sliced apple and some popcorn, a cup of full fat milk. It’s all separate on her plate and small amounts but she ate it.
luckily she likes fruit and I try and buy a variety, she likes frozen berries so I buy these from the frozen section.
Im not sure if this is any help but I think maybe not thinking of meals as such rather than small portions of things.
other things she will eat, incase it gives you any ideas:
pancakes with maple syrup or sugar and lemon
porridge with frozen berries
Jacob’s crackers with butter
melon, mango, grapes
red pepper
home made chips
tzatziki
bread sticks
I’m wracking my brain to think of any veg she will eat now. She used to eat everything. She too is pale and complains of hunger pains. Anyway I’m kind of hoping this is just a phase. My eldest just eats everything so this is something I’m not used to at all

I had a phobia of being sick as a child (and now) and was terrified of eating. Sounds like he’s got a medical or psychological need, neither of which you can deal with without support

@onetwonetoo Sorry to hear you and your son are going through this at the moment. Does he have any particular meals/food he does like, maybe there could be some adaptations on that? If he likes mashed potato this is a great recipe as it requires eggs but you could also add cream to fatten it up. I hope you’re able to find out the cause and get him eating properly for both your sakes x

https://www.theendlessmeal.com/cheesy-leftover-mashed-potato-cakes/

I was a fussy eater as a child. In hindsight, I had a lot of of stomach aches (have chronic IBS as an adult), and also have been diagnosed with Oral Allergy Syndrome plus other allergies. I think that perhaps the reason that I was fussy was because I was having reactions but didn't know how to verbalise it. Notice that beige foods are easy to digest and low allergen.

As you're going to the GP, perhaps you need to ask for some (non invasive) testing just to check that there is nothing else going on. Stool tests, perhaps bloods for things like crohns or celiac disease.