New boyfriend gave me expensive jewellery - overthinking?

[BrionyM]

My new boyfriend of 3 months gave me a necklace for Valentine's day. I was able to look it up and it's more pricey than any jewellery I've ever bought myself. It is also based on something I told him I really liked on our first date in passing. Anyway it's beautiful and I love it.

He has been divorced for a few years but he once mentioned that he and his ex didn't wear rings but they did wear custom made necklaces.

Going back to the gift, he mentioned he'd bought himself a similar one which made me remember this. Am I wrong to think that psychologically this is his way of lining me up as wife number 2?

Clearly it wouldn't be conscious necessarily. It's early days in terms of the relationship.

I wouldn't like it if my new partner bought matching necklaces after doing so with an ex. It just makes me feel a bit icky. I think it feels like he is simply replacing his ex with you and therefore treating you to the same gift. In the same way that it would feel odd if he insisted on a romantic mini break to Venice after taking his ex a few years before.

“I then said I also love this same material - this is true. He clearly remembered this and got one made for me too. I think and hope they're new.”

I would try to enjoy the gift then, if he’s doing well financially then it’s all relative.

I think it’s a bit much and I wouldn’t particularly like it especially as he bought matching necklaces for him and his ex.

Yes this is what I'm thinking. Just don't lose your senses OP and if you notice a pattern get out

Did it spell out WIFE in diamonds? If not, yes you are overthinking it.

So he mentioned buying himself a necklace first ?

Then don't overthink it any further.

That's some leap you are making.

It's the equivalent of being hired for an entry level job and assuming they are lining you up for CEO.

I think £400 is a lot to spend on someone you have only been seeing 3 months, and that aspect would make me uncomfortable, unless he is fucking loaded (which you say he isn't - though equally does not sound like £400 will be putting him into debt or anything, so that's good).

I also find the idea of wearing the same jewellery as my partner quite cringe. I'm bi and am not being sexist - even if my date was a woman I still wouldn't want to wear matching or coordinating jewellery. It's just weird, like losing a little of your individuality somehow? And the fact that these are bespoke things made specially for the couple somehow makes that aspect worse?

He probably only mentioned the wife thing as a way to nudge bespoke necklaces into the conversation to test the waters, as it were, in case you reacted in horror and said "God, what kind of twat would wear one of them?"

Am I the only one fascinated by this "new material" though - I am imagining some weird sci-fi thing with hitherto unknown properties - I really hope it is that.....

Who wants his and hers necklaces? Especially when you haven’t been together long. I’d hate to wear them at the same time.

I would be a little careful personally, I may be wrong but I have been with narcissists and someone with MH issues and they did some extreme love bombing at the start to ensure that by the time they started to show their true colours I was completely under a spell..
If he's s ex is made out to be a nasty piece of work to fit their story then just be careful.

You’ve obviously just come on here to flex. Dont you have friends you can do that to? Very odd behaviour imo

I mean, I can see why you’re thinking into it. He told you it was his thing with his ex, and now he’s gone and done the exact same with you? And got himself a similar one I take it? Hmmmm.. I’m on the fence

Show him that you've posted this question on here and then your concerns about him lining you up to be wife number 2 will be irrelevant.

Its a nice gift ,so be happy and enjoy it.Never look a gift horse in the face as they say!

He sent me a photo of him wearing the necklace this morning. It looks absolutely nothing like mine although made from the same material. So I'll just enjoy it!

That said, he has been coming on strong and being very generous. I suppose men do woo women this way. It's just keeping an eye on how it feels to me.

This. I genuinely don’t understand the OP.

over-thinking? Self-sabotage?

I had an ex who gave me a Tiffany gold and diamond necklace for Xmas 4 months after we started dating. Hinted at how a Tiffany ring would follow when we got engaged. Then insisted on paying for my holiday a few months later even though I didn't want that.

He broke up with me after 10 months because I told him I wouldn't be changing my name to his on marriage (and wasn't as submissive as he wanted). Lucky escape. I learnt then that there are no free lunches and some men use money to seduce and ultimately control you because it doesn't involve any emotional attachment. Not every man is like this - but if the only way he shows love is expensive presents, beware. Don't overthink it but also don't see it as anything more than a nice gesture but he still has to prove himself to you.

I wondered that too.

My DH is very good at buying me gorgeous jewelry. Some men are just better at it than others. I typically get a piece of jewelry for my birthday, sometimes Xmas or Valentine's too. If I say I like a necklace or ring he will buy it for me as a gift on some occasion. We had been dating for 4 1/2 months on our first Xmas together I bought him a pen. He bought me a gold necklace with a big amethyst and a diamond. It must have cost about £400 18 years ago. The pen I bought him cost about £30. I also got him some Superman socks. I had no idea he'd be so generous especially as he was travelling home to his parents for Xmas and I wouldn't see him until the New Years Eve. He also bought us both Black Eyed Peas tickets too. At the time he didn't earn a fortune he was just generous and wanted to show me I meant a lot to him. Every Xmas we read about men who forget to buy their wife a present or buy her something shit. Just be glad your bf is generous to you and don't panic and think you have to try to match his expensive gifts to you because you don't.

I would have to agree with you there.

OP YANBU

The fact that you are stopping to ' think' about his actions would scare me.
Seriously, I could not accept such a huge gift from someone like this. Its tantamount to manipulation and ' Love Bombing' = scary stuff.
Theres too many blurred boundaries here leading to confusion as to'. what' the relationship is.
So what exactly does : 'Lots of Diamonds but No Ring'...mean..?????? Does anyone know?????

So you happen to like the same kind of jewellery- you mentioned you liked this specific type/ piece. He remembered. He happens to have similar taste, so it's a pre engagement present? Or maybe he's just thoughtful and actually bothered to listen to you.

I married my husband 3 months after meeting him, and years later we're still happily married with a child on the way....

My husband love bombed me and could well have spent this on me and more. I enjoyed it, didn't feel obligated (he's an adult] and he settled down. 14 yrs on I'm really happy with him. Don't overthink

Fair, some people do get married very quickly. I would still wonder about the difference between being lined up to be wife number two and OP posting here because something doesn't feel right, which sounds quite different to a whirlwind romance where you are both swept up.