Is this fair?

[Financequestionnewname]

Having read another thread and considering my partner moving in. I want to be fair to both of us, is this fair or AIBU?

He rents his home out, very tiny mortgage.

He moves in and pays half council tax, half utilities, gas, electricity, water and phone, TV etc.

He pays amount in rent, not yet decided. He says no rent but them surely he gains in rental income from his property by living in my home.

Food split and other costs split or pay for our own items.

Thoughts please?

Is some rent being unreasonable?

I've changed name for this question

Been together nearly 4 1/2 years no children

What’s the difference between his mortgage payments and the rental income? Often they pretty much balance out so that would be a decider for me.

I rented a place out for a while because I moved in with my now husband. Almost every year saw me out of pocket so don’t overestimate rental income. He will have to pay for a variety of things for the property to be rented, then agency fees, around £1000 for vetting and fees etc each time someone moves in, tax, repairs and regular maintenance, restoration etc when a tenant moves out and costs to re-let.

If you really want to be fair and consider the rental payments an income, you need to include all his outgoings as well including the additional costs of extra buildings and contents insurance (even if it’s empty, he will probably want contents for the carpets, floors, boiler etc, and rental payment protection.

His rental income would be around £1500 a month net. His mortgage is just under £500 with 3 years left but overpayment each month so dropping quickly.

Thank you, we could make sure all this is covered first.

Do you have a mortgage on your home?

Yes, mine is much larger £1300 month and has 12 years left.

If he is making money on renting out his place because^^ you are providing a home then it's fair his rental income is shared with you is some way. Not just splitting bills because he is using those things.

Normally on MN they tell women not to "pay off the man's mortgage" by paying them rent when they move in

That's what I was thinking. After his bills on his home and joint bills paid of course.
His home would go to his children one day and mine to my children one day. All are adults now and not here.

I think you are being unreasonable and I would say the same to a woman.

The mortgage contributes to your asset not his, plus he is supposed to be a partner not a lodger. Are you moving him in because you truly love him or because it helps pay off your mortgage debt?

I think it's fair he pays for half of everything except that. If that leaves him with loads of spare cash, perhaps he could pay for more treats, holidays etc?

Plus you don't want him to gain a financial interest in your property if you are unmarried and keeping separate finances.

I'd say that you need to change the wording, half the bills is fine but he does need to contribute an amount to you losing space, him living and benefiting from your home.

My dp (now DH) when he first moved in paid for half the bills, but all the food, holidays and 'fun stuff' that way I was better off financially but he wasn't directly contributing towards the mortgage

Then I think some contribution is reasonable. I wouldn’t charge half necessarily because it would be shady for him to co tribute to your equity unless you have a lodger agreement in place. But none of this strikes me as an easy route to maintain a romantic relationship. So middle ground where he maybe contributes a few hundreds for “wear and tear” is all I would ask him until the relationship is formalised in some way.

The only one gaining here is him.

You should BOTH be benefiting from the arrangement, and I don't mean half the bills which he would have to pay for in his own home anyway.

A contribution is totally fair.

Otherwise you're just giving up your space and privacy and incurring wear and tear for zero, meanwhile he gains a rental property.

Thanks. I'm not moving him in, he would like to move in with me but I don't want to be financially disadvantaged. We live apart and have completely separate finances at present. It's not about paying off my mortgage. However, if he saves lots of money by moving in and my costs increase as in repair costs are all mine but both use home, etc then it feels unequal. Probably better to live apart, just weighing things up, I'm in no rush to say yes.

Thank you. This is exactly as I see it. He wins and saves but I'm inconvenienced since giving up my space etc. Perhaps I'm better in a separate home. I think he might see his savings by moving in and splitting costs then having rental income on top.

And she gets her mortgage paid off faster with his contribution which only she benefits from the equity in. Yeah, sounds fair. I'm sure MNers would be advising a woman she should be paying towards her partner's mortgage and sharing her rental income too if she moved in with him.

He wins and saves but I'm inconvenienced since giving up my space etc

WTF? Have you ever lived with someone before? It's not meant to be an inconvenience

We both benefit from one council tax, one water charge and one set of utilities. His current bills are low since he stays here often anyway.

When my partner moved in they paid half the bills and half the interest for the mortgage as "rent"

What would he say if you suggested renting a place together and both renting your respective homes out? Be interesting to see how keen he is once it isn't going to make him a packet.

When you've lived alone for a long time it's an adjustment. Yes I lived with by ex for many years. I found living alone offered many benefits, I can sleep through the night being quite useful

You both should be benefiting equally from co-habiting.

At present, he is up £1500 but you are up nothing.

He puts £750 towards his mortgage and pays you £750 rent.

I'm probably going to move into to my DPs soon, unless we find a new house to buy, and I'll be saving in rent, if I give my him what I had been paying, then we benefiting equally.

FWIW, I'd say the agreement needed to be clear before he moved in. It makes everything so much easier if it's all discussed and agreement hound before the move in. That also has the advantage of finding out a bit more about what he is like as part of that process.

Only raising it or evenjbgxstartingctovthijnjxabpugbifbknce moved in is really not the right way imo.