To tell my friend I found this rude

[wygbsrude]

A friend asked for a favour. It's a fairly big favour but one I'm willing to do.

This friend is a good person but notoriously unreliable and forgetful. Absolutely someone that's great to be around, but ultimately puts themself first.

In order for me to help with the favour she needed, she had to call me to talk through the details.

Said friend has then spent two days saying she'd call me at a certain time, forgetting to call, disappearing, rescheduling another time without apology and generally just behaving like me and my schedule/time aren't important. Eventually she called to give me the details just as I was going to bed last night. I text after the call yesterday asking for more details that I realise I needed and she didn't reply until a moment ago.

I'd like to raise this with her as it's rude as hell. I don't want to throw my toys out the pram by refusing to help now but it's made me feel very disrespected and not very enthusiastic about helping her.

This is very typical behaviour for her, incidentally, and has always driven me mad. She has other lovely qualities though.

How do I phrase it without causing WWIII?

Is it looking after a pet / child or similar?

I probably wouldn’t confront her, @wygbsrude, but I definitely wouldn’t be doing her any more favours. And if she asks why, tell her her flaky behaviour this time made the favour too stressful for you, and you are not willing to put yourself through it again.

She clearly thinks that she is the one doing you a favour by you helping her out. She sounds ungrateful and entitled imo.
Just say CF I will do it this one time but I won't do it again because I really don't have the time to waste running around chasing you up when it's really you who should be coming to me with all the information I need to help you.

I'd do nothing. Wait until she gives you the extra info you've asked for.
If she asks why you haven't done it yet, say I sent you a text on x day asking you y and z and I'm still waiting for you to reply.
🤷

Don't chase someone in order to do a favour for them. They want the help - they do the legwork.

Oh I reread and she has now given you the extra info.

Id not bother raising it, I'd just completely change my own behaviour with her in future. No more chasing her up, ever.

I’m guessing this is to do with pet sitting? Getting that vibe.

I’d honestly just be straight and bring it up with her. “Hey Flaky Friend, you’ve cancelled on me X number of times this week and it’s pretty inconsiderate, especially given that I’m doing you a favour. Could you stick to your timings in future please?”

If she responds with anything other than an apology, I’d rescind the favour.

Yes I think this is the answer, if she wants a favour, don't go chasing her and doing a load of legwork.

If she doesn't put the effort in, the favour doesn't get done.

You say this is typical behaviour for her so why are you surprised?

If you're asking for back up from MN to say she's an inconsiderate arsehole then I don't think many people wouldn't agree with you.

Don't put yourself in these sort of situations in the future for the good of your own sanity. A robust " Sorry, those dates don't work for me" or similar is all you need.

Is it filling in forms? I absolutely loathe those things.
I helped a few people apply for dla, nightmare of a form if you've never done one. I give them a time I'll come or they can come to me. Not dressing it out over days and weeks. Get it done get it gone, that's my motto

I'd tell her that while you are still going to help that her being so inconsiderate did make you reconsider helping at times. Tbh, I also wouldn't have answered the phone call as I was going to bed if she hadn't been contacting you at the times reasonable for you. And I'd've mentioned the inconsiderate nature of not calling/forgetting/no apology at the time.
You should be able to mention these things without wwIII starting, especially after all you've listed, she sounds like a nightmare if not. Maybe pointing it out these things will help her reflect on her behaviour. If she is oblivious and doesn't care then I would reconsider how much you want to put into the friendship cos it sounds like you are doing a lot of the work.

"Listen mate, if I'm the one doing you a favour then the least you can do is have all have the information ready for me and get back to me asap when I ask a question about it ok? I don't have time to be chasing you when I'm doing you a favour you cheeky bugger!' I'd send that. Probably with a lol emoji to take the edge off as I don't like confrontation lol

Um, you're the one doing HER the favour, so she works to your schedule! Bloody cheek of her. I do know how you feel though. I once had a friend ask me to do those long winded complicated job applications for her, every time she wanted a new job. I finally stopped after a few years as I realised she wasn't doing any of the work herself, just wanted me to do it all with zero contribution from herself. Once I'd wised up to this I started asking her to jot down her answers/ thoughts to the competency based questions and then I could tidy it up into ' proper English '. You know , a collaborative effort !And you know what , she couldn't be arsed and rocked up to my house ( late!) Empty handed expecting me to take pity and do it all for her from scratch. Bollocks to that ! I'm a friend not a doormat.