To think my husband is killing my son by love

[Reallytired]

My son is over weight, he is not moridly obsese, he is 114cm tall and weighs 25kg. He is six years old and I worried about his weight.

My husband feeds him snacks whenever he asks. He keeps giving my son bread instead of more complex carbohydrate. He gives my son fattening snacks like peanut butter instead of fruit.

I feel that my son needs tough love. He needs to be given a sensible portion size and the amount of sweets strictly limited.

I am fed up of my husband taking the easy life and giving in to his son to avoid a tantrum.

My husband cannot see that my son is overweight. He thinks that I will cause my son to have a complex.

PLEASE ignore that crappy BMI calculator link. I was just mucking about with it and it thinks a 16 year old girl who is 5 foot 6 and weight 6 stone (84 pounds) is perfectly healthy!

5 stone is apparently ok for this height too. No wonder your child was deemed overweight NAB3!

Chibi, the link states that "If you have any concerns that they may be underweight, you should see your doctor."

FWIW, I was a healthy 5'6 and 6 stone 16 year old - I am very slightly built and though I am not asian I guess that many asian girls would fit into that category . I would have looked much better with a bit more weight on me and would not have been called "scarecrow" so much!

I am not sure of your situation but my parents especially my dad shows his love with food. I left home being much heavier than I am now ten years ago. The food was all meat and veg no processed food but v large portions. He LOVES feeding my daughter (4) but she is long an lean and very active.Also I encourage her to stop when she is full which she does( I HAD to clear my plate) She is only there once a week so cant do much harm.

Maybe HIS parents showed their love and he is just doing what he was taught?

I feel for you, not least because I don't see why the solution should be you taking on all responsibility for shopping and cooking and feeding.

Is there a way of stripping sweets out of the house?

I do also agree with Soph that weight is a complex thing. My (over)weight as a child became this hideous family focus.

AND fwiw it doesn't sound like what he eats in a day is markedly different from my skinny-minnie seven year old's daily intake.

realltired his diet sounds very normal for a child IMO - many have that arrangement of 'tea' (sandwiches) followed by a dinner later....

I agree with the poster who suggested doing internet shopping; I do mine in literally five minutes now that it's all set up; once you've done a couple of orders it's so quick. And it will mean you can control what comes into the house.

I think THE most helpful thing you can do is to focus on your son's exercise levels. Don't forget he will be running around at lunchtime at school every day. You could possibly up the swimming to twice a week after school. You can also instigate a nightly walk; when I was a kid we went out after dinner every night for a walk. and the weekend you can do something sporty for him/with him both days.....

I think make the exercise your focus rather than the food (once you've ensured that the only food that is in the house is healthy enough...but actually children do need more fats than adults....)

Perhaps a book on nutrition so your DH does not think cooked vegetables make you fat?
Just limit the amount of fatty food in the house and instigate exercise for the entire family.
Get bikes for you all or go swimming together as a family. Perhaps getting DH more fit will help?
As long as your child is active, his diet sounds ok.

My worry about obesity is caused by the fact that my own father (who thankfully) survived ended up on a cardiac ward at the age of 55. His heart problems were caused by being VERY overweight. He hardly drinks and has never smoked. I was 14 at the time and if my father had not had such good health care he would not be alive today. I don't want the same thing happening to my son.

I think that my son has a reasonable diet, the main issue is portion size.

Unfortunately he can't go swimming at the moment as he has just perforated his ear drum. In the summer its much easier to do exercise. Its finding things to do that are fun on a cold winter's day.

What I find annoying is the governant bangs on about over weight children, but offers little practical help. I am not planning to put my son on a diet, but I think its better to offer a small portion and have him come back for seconds if needed.

I am sceptical that BMI is a good way of assessing if someone is overwieght. For example my son has VERY short legs and a long body. Also a lot of atheletic people come out as being overweight.

My son wears 6 to 7 year old trousers and 7 to 8 year old tops. I think he is a little bit over wieght, but is certainly not the worst. He is lucky in that he does carry the weight well so does not look as fat as his BMI would suggest.

My husband likes to walk to the supermarket and so do I. It seems morally wrong to get a van to deliver shopping when we are two minutes walk from a large supermarket. We want to do our bit for the environment.

Your son doesn;t really sound very overweight at all. The WORST POSSIBLE THING you could do would be to start him on a dieting cycle at this age, that;s a way to guarantee lifelong weight and food issues. Also, bear in mind that muscle is heavier than fat, so a fit active person can weigh more than a thinner but less healthy person. And finally, peanut butter sandwiches are not the most unhealthy snack going. It doesn;t sound like your son is eating buckets of KFC followed by pot noodles and slabs of dairly milk. He is 6 and growing, he should not be having to eat what a weight conscious adult would eat, a growing child needs more calories/fats etc.