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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not visit because of the dog?

45 replies

itsadogquestion · 18/02/2024 12:20

Cross breed which was rescued and meets XL criteria. Very boisterous and jumps up, never fully settles and just skulks round the room, not very well trained and (sometimes) has a growl at you when you go to stroke him, other times seems fine. AIBU to not go round to their house and give the reason why if asked? They do keep away from their DC but claim this is because young DC might wind up the dog rather than the other way around. I can’t help being apprehensive but don’t know if it’s idiotic for an adult to be scared of a dog when nothing bad has ever actually happened with said dog.

OP posts:

Maray1967 · 18/02/2024 13:28

I’d explain that I am wary of the dog and don’t feel safe - which would be true.

Jessforless · 18/02/2024 13:29

Bananalanacake · 18/02/2024 13:22

Why can't they put the dog in another room. I'm guessing there would be no problem if the dog was a fluffy Pomeranian.

I’ve never seen stories of fluffy pomeranians killing grown men.

TizerorFizz · 18/02/2024 13:33

People are complete idiots that keep a dog they growled when it’s stroked. It’s not pleasant and should be muzzled. I would not go and be truthful.

Tabletable · 18/02/2024 13:38

Coldupnorth7 · 18/02/2024 13:09

I've got two whippets and my SiL won't visit because of them. That's fine as she's scared and I want her to be comfortable.

However, she doesn't seem to want to compromise or work to a solution (only heard from BiL, so can't work out how we could meet) so I don't see her now. She wants them locked up but they would howl the house down and I would be uncomfortable. One has very bad separation anxiety, both would sleep through a visit!

Suggest a compromise or don't go. Don't be uncomfortable, they're probably defensive because they know you have a good point.

Terrified of their farts or their blanket stealing capabilities?

Noseybookworm · 18/02/2024 14:40

Just tell them the truth. You shouldn't be embarrassed about being uncomfortable around a large potentially dangerous animal. It's their choice to have the dog and it's your choice not to go there.

momonpurpose · 18/02/2024 14:46

Yanbu an they are fools to think their own child is safe. All it takes is a blink of an eye. No way would i visit

Clearinguptheclutter · 18/02/2024 14:48

I’d tell the truth -
say you’re only happy to visit if the dog can be in a different room

when you have a dog it’s entirely normal for some visitors to not like dogs and for owners to make appropriate arrangements in the case

poor dog sounds under stimulated/ exercised.

BobbyBiscuits · 18/02/2024 14:57

It's perfectly common to be scared of dogs as an adult, some people have been bitten as kids and never get over it. Others are scared of big dogs simply because even if they mean no harm, they could knock you over etc.
Could you say you have a dog allergy? If you've not been round before then she would have no reason to doubt you. Just say it makes you really allergic. I used to allergic and my face would swell up, eyes shut, nose streaming, itching like a demon...Even if the dog wasn't there at the time. It's certainly a plausible excuse! If she would suss this was BS then just be honest and say you are really nervous around big dogs. If she needs some 'explanation' you could say you had a bad experience with one years ago.
If she wants to fall out with you about it then she's no decent friend.

Prizefighter · 18/02/2024 14:59

Yeah, don’t go and don’t feel embarrassed.

A big dog is a wholly different proposition to the whippets (cannot imagine making a fuss about that, but hey, people).

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 18/02/2024 15:06

Say you don't like it when dogs growl at you.

TiaraBoo · 18/02/2024 20:34

People are scared of spiders- so being scared of a dog isn’t idiotic! (Big or small dog). In fact people that are scared of my cat are sensible! (Even the dog is terrified)

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/02/2024 20:43

I'd not visit the home of a large dog that is unhappy at being touched, yet the owners permit that and do not appear to be seeking to address whatever is wrong there.

I visited many such homes of people seeking to fix the problems and even then, they took ridiculous risks, bizarrely assuming dog behaviourists are somehow immune to being bitten. If people aware of a problem and trying to resolve said problem can take risks, people apparently unaware of the problem or risks absolutely will.

Tell them whatever you like they'll be offended whatever so it doesn't really matter!

mrlistersgelfbride · 18/02/2024 20:52

Do not take your children to their house. No way in hell.
If they don't like it, sod them. Family or not, there is no way it's safe to have children around an XL bully and the risk simply isn't worth it. They should realise this will likely be the reaction of anyone and everyone these days!

Createausername1970 · 18/02/2024 20:56

I have a dog. Soppy thing, sleeps on the bed, very friendly. But I always treat her with respect because you cannot ever say a dog is completely trustworthy.

I once knew someone who had a very temperamental dog. I went to their house once, and once only. I was given a bag of treats to have in my lap and distract it with. I didn't realise it was so temperamental before I went. I wouldn't go again and I said it was because I was scared of the dog.

Don't go to anyone's house if there is something that makes you uncomfortable. Tell them the dog makes you uncomfortable. It's their problem, not yours.

ClockworkDisaster · 19/02/2024 11:10

It’s not unreasonable to not to want to visit someone’s house because they have a dog with an iffy temperament no matter what the size.

I love dogs and I have a big dog. I don’t usually have any fear of dogs. But I went to someone’s house once where they had a lot of small dogs which were running round the lounge like they were doing the wall of death whilst we were sat on the sofas and they kept jumping up and lightly biting my face at speed. I was extremely uncomfortable. Even though they didn’t actually hurt me as such, being jumped on at full speed isn’t nice and no dog should ever put their teeth on anyone’s face. I haven’t been back.

A dog growling at you is a sure warning that you are not welcome near them and/or in their home. You are right to feel uneasy.

Greenpolkadot · 19/02/2024 11:17

It's not unreasonable to be wary of of the dog. I think you're very sensible actually.
Just say that the dog makes you uncomfortable.

Bunnyhopskip · 19/02/2024 11:44

Sometimes you just get a bad feeling about a dog (or person!) and there's usually a very valid reason for this. It's your instinct telling you not to trust the dog. My auntie had a dog like this, when we went to stay it gave me such bad vibes, I was absolutely terrified of it, and I'm usually a huge dog lover. I would sweat and my heart would race when it came in the room, I just didn't trust it at all. Well, the week after we left, it went for a smaller dog and killed it. Completely unprokoved. Since finding this out, I have become much more wary of larger dogs, which I know may seem irrational, but when you know what they're capable of it is really scary.

BlondeFool · 19/02/2024 11:52

I wouldn't go to a house with a dog I felt uneasy about. Especially a XL breed.

I have a dog so I'm not a dog hater.

peachgreen · 19/02/2024 11:58

I have a dog and a) I wouldn't be around this dog, and b) if a friend told me they were wary of dogs/my dog in particular, I would happily keep him in another room for the duration of their visit and be very grateful they had told me.

TwangBoob · 19/02/2024 12:03

I've got dogs, v doggy, had dogs all my life etc etc im a farmer and regularly deal with cattle but i'm scared of XL bullies. A neighbour has one and its not put a foot wrong but they are so huge and muscular if he ever did have a bad day no one would stand a chance, its like having a lion around. I've been attacked by a bull and it would be the same, unstoppable muscle but with ripping teeth attached!

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