To ask for more money towards a flat/house?

[PepsiColaSprite]

I know this will probably annoy some people and I'm fully expecting some harsh comments, but I would appreciate your advice nonetheless.

I also appreciate I'm fortunate to have had financial assistance from family already. Sorry if this is long but I want to give the full story.

My parents were alcoholics and divorced when I was 4 years old. My dad moved away soon after and we didn’t see or speak to each other for over 20 years. My mum raised me by herself whilst working a full time job as a carer and my dad didn't contribute any money etc.

Fast forward to now, I'm 29, work full time and have lived alone since I was 19. I wish I'd stayed at home and saved instead to buy my own place but unfortunately I just couldn't live there anymore due to my mums problems (thankfully, she doesn't drink anymore - Dad still does). I moved into a flat which I rented for 5 years and then moved to a family members house which I'm still renting but they want to sell soon. I have always tried to save a bit of money each month but as we all know, it’s not easy whilst paying rent/bills.

I have been trying for the last 3.5 years to buy my own place but it’s just not happened and there seems to have been an obstacle at every junction if I’m honest. I managed to save a 5% deposit on my own but the banks would only lend 90k so my choice was very limited. I know I would have bought somewhere by now if I had a partner but I can’t wait for Mr Right to come along can I. Nonetheless back in 2020, I found a flat within my budget but there were issues with the leasehold and I couldn’t get a mortgage on the property. Then property prices shot up not long after. My Dad and I started speaking again a year later and decided to work on our relationship, and a few months later he offered me money as he could see I was struggling to get on the ladder by myself. He gave me 30k.

Since then I have offered on a few properties but have been outbid as they’ve all gone to best and final. I was then made redundant and was out of work for a couple of months. I managed to find another job but had to take a pay cut, which has made things even harder and reduced my borrowing power. I know it sounds great having all this money in the bank by the way but I’d rather have a nice (nothing fancy) little flat or house and financial security if I’m honest. I don’t really have luxuries or buy myself nice things very often - haven’t been on holiday since 2016, don’t get my hair/nails done, don’t drink etc. I know it might sound silly to a lot of people, but this is my priority.

Anyway, fast forward to today and I’m no closer to getting on the ladder than I was 4 years ago, well that’s how it feels anyway. The point that I’m getting at is that my dad has indicated to me a few times that the money he’s already given me isn’t all of my inheritance and I will get more when he dies. I don’t know how much. For context, my dad has had his own company for over 30 years which is worth around 3 million (his words). He’s made a few comments which indicates that he’s not short of money (for example, said his pension goes in the bank every week but he has no idea how much there is and doesn’t touch/need it etc)

I am meeting him later today and have been debating on whether to ask him for more money as it would make a huge difference to my life now (not in 10, 20 or 30 years time) and make it so much easier for me to buy somewhere. I know this means I’d be written out of his will if he agrees to it. A part of me feels cheeky/entitled for asking but I won’t know unless I ask. I know I’m lucky to be getting anything by the way and as I said, I’m fully expecting some harsh responses, but AIBU? If not, how would you approach this?

Thank you

@Daphnis156 I understand where you're coming from, but I've always been sensible with money and prioritised bills and repairs above all else, probably because I've been on my own for so long and not had anyone to fall back on for help. I know it's not the same but I have an older car which has had issues over the years and I've had to pay for repairs. Same with appliances breaking down etc. I'm also fortunate to have tradies in my family who would help with any work. It's not so much affording the bills/repairs (my rent is actually more than what my mortgage would be), it's just getting onto the ladder that's so so hard!

I would help my kids so it's worth asking. If he says no though be sure to take it well.

Re "loans" - I always strongly advise all who lend money to anyone - Be prepared to lose it and stay afloat.

Lending to family/friends is dangerous and I know of someone that let one of their children ask parents to take out a loan on their home to fund the sons business expansion that was doing well - borrowing via parents was a lot cheaper. The son was good, hard-working, loved his parents, his wife and children. A year after the loan from parents, Covid hit - they went belly up with biog debts - the sons wife left him for another guy - son is back home with parents and is working and trying to pay off the massive loan. Parents are worried sick they may lose their home

We have lent money to my and OH's sublings - business in trouble and would go belly up if they took out high interest loans so we lent several k's and knew if we did not get it back, we were still ok - we got the money back a few years later - but not everyone is a s lucky as us when lending money

I think given he offered you a sum for a house and you're not able to buy due to a wage drop after redundancy there is no harm in asking. But I would ask if he could "loan" you extra and see what he says.

I think there is no harm in asking - especially if you come at it from the point of a low/interest-free loan rather than a gift - but I would prepare a spreadsheet covering five years of financials in advance.

I'd also make sure that I was completely up to speed on the answers to any questions that might arise about future-proofing etc.

(Can you tell I'm an analyst by trade?! 😄)

However, if he does agree, I would then strongly advise that you get a formal agreement drawn up by a solicitor.

I think a loan is a good idea. It doesn't hurt to ask like others have said but if he agrees to it, I'm not sure how it would work in terms of the mortgage. Wouldn't they just reduce my borrowing power, effectively cancelling out what my dad has lent me?

Just to update you all..

I had the conversation and came away feeling pretty insulted if I'm honest. He couldn't understand where I was coming from and basically said he's not dead yet and people don't get their inheritance until someone's died. Also said he won't buy me a house outright (never asked him to) but if he did then he'd want to be on the deeds. I've also had more money than my half siblings apparently, even though he's told me before that they'll get more than me in the end because I'm an only child and they'll have to share their mothers property/assets when she dies and I won't.

It ended on a very awkward note where he said he might give me an extra 15-20k but I have to find a property first and then he'll decide if he wants to give me more or not. Also made a comment that eventually "I'll have to pay my own way in life". I'm not sure what he thinks I've been doing all these years

I’d put your feelings aside for now and focus on finding that property, go back to him and take it from there.

He must feel you are not up to paying him back just as I suggested. Indeed, I may be wrong and I can only guess why he said what he said.

Read my initial post here if you wish, OP

Do you trust him? Could you discuss the possibility of him putting more money in and him having part ownership, and you buy his share off him when you can, and he puts in his will that any remaining share reverts to you when he dies.

@Createausername1970 no I don't trust him if I'm honest. He tried to have my mum and I thrown out of the house when they divorced even though we had no where else to go (thankfully, it went through court and the judge gave the house to my mum) so I couldn't bare having his name on the mortgage tbh.

Quite right not to trust him, he's still drinking ffs!

I'm sorry the conversation was awkward.

In my mind, he should have been a much better parent to you. I wouldn't feel guilty about finding a property and then asking him again for that extra money he mentioned.

I think the issue here is asking for your inheritance, I understand his reaction, and I’m assuming you asked for a lot of money.

you really need to stop focusing on your inheritance, like seriously, it’s offensive.

@Lampslights he's literally the one that's brought it up in every conversation since we started speaking again. Hardly offensive when he constantly talks about it, yet I'm offensive for bringing it up once! ! Jesus get off your high horse.

@Lampslights I also haven't asked for a lot as I didn't even mention a figure, just asked if he could help me a bit more as I was struggling to get on the ladder.

Fair enough. Definitely don't do that then.

If he keeps bringing up the subject of inheritance, then take the bull by the horns and ask him outright for more towards a deposit now and less in his will.

As he is a businessman I expect he will know very well that you need to speculate to accumulate. Explain first how grateful you are that he is considering leaving you money in his will. Then explain about how useful it would be to have this now so that you can make your self more financially secure in the future rather than shedding out money on rent you'll never see back.

Yes, I would ask your Dad for a loan. He might have some cash he could give you and you can pay him back.

To be honest in your shoes I would leave it with your dad and concentrate on getting the additional deposit. For a start keep looking for a better paid job. Make sure you have your savings in the best paying account. Can you get an additional job in the interim? Keep going, you will get there.

I would suggest you look for somewhere that you can afford with his added €20k. Do not put him on the deeds. Do not feel bad for asking. I have helped my niece.

I'm sorry your Dad has proven himself just as shit as ever.

I hope you'll be able to get on the property ladder OP.

Don't borrow money off someone you don't trust.
Buy in a cheaper area or under shared ownership.
What if you found a property and then hay the survey etc and then he refused to give you the money?

Have you checked the records in Companies House and had a look at his accounts?

What he says the company is "worth" might just be nonsense.

I would be wary of someone who makes statements like "one day this money will be yours", if he has it, and you need it, why not give it to you now?

One thing to be extremely wary of re a loan is that it may affect your affordability for a mortgage. If you get a gift, your dad would need to submit something to your solicitor confirming it's a gift, not a loan, and I think (but I'm not certain) that if you get a loan, you then can't borrow the full amount you've been approved for a mortgage. It would depend on what exactly you agree with your dad. Having a £90k loan at bank rates is more difficult than a £70k loan at bank rates plus £20k on more flexible terms from a relative, but the difference may not be as significant as you'd think.