To think this is a lot for one day

[fruitbat22]

My ex dh is taking our ds12 to an event next week (concern type event). It will mean him missing a day of school which is fine for a one off and I know he'll really enjoy the event.

However it's a 4 hour drive away. So they will go in the morning, spend the day shopping and having some lunch then attend the event which won't finish til about 10pm then drive home, probably won't get back til around 2am at the earliest. For me it's a really long day and I am worried about my ex driving 4 hours home, surely he'll be exhausted?

I've raised this with him and just get "I'll be fine".

Things are ok between us but I feel like he doesn't really plan well for things such as this or think logically - for example surely it would make more sense to get a cheap hotel. But once he's got an idea in his brain he will just run with it and gets very defensive if he perceives me to be questioning him.

Do you think this is ok? I don't feel totally happy about it but what can I do?

Yeah personally I’d book a hotel/B&B for the night, just somewhere cheap to sleep then head back in the morning - but would that mean missing school/work for the morning, is that what he’s trying to avoid?

We regularly do that kind of drive there and back in a day when visiting in laws but why do it if you don’t have to - any reason why a hotel wouldn’t work?

I’d be happy doing that driving and activities all in one day. If he says he will be fine trust he knows himself.

Surely staying overnight would mean DS having two days off school? Is that going to be an issue re: attendance? DH regularly flies back from work trips abroad and lands in the early hours and drives home. Never been an issue

Don't over think it - I've done a 10hr drive in one day before with a couple of stops, he will be fine especially with a long break in the middle.

My DH would happily do that drive.

I'd happily do that drive. It's really not a big deal.

Yes I think it's a combination of 2 days off school and work, hotel is an additional cost, and also probably the fact that I suggested it.

But I do tend to overthink these things.

I’d be fine with that schedule, driving there and back, especially if it gets your son back to school faster (though he’s bound to be tired but that can’t be helped). Definitely don’t push it any further.

DH and I have driven longer than that after a full day at work to go away on holiday. It really wouldn't bother me.

Sounds like a great day out! I drive those distances in same day to visit family so don’t think it’s that big a deal really.

It's my ex so it's a bit more awkward to raise any concerns because he genuinely believes his way is always the correct way and any questions from me are irrelevant.

We do things differently I guess and I just overthink his choices when they involve the well-being of my ds.

Personally I would be exhausted and probably not fully capable of a 4 hour drive after a full on day but that's just me.

Do you think this is ok? I don't feel totally happy about it but what can I do?

Exactly, thats the day he has planned whether you think it's too much or not. Leave them to it.

Personally I’d do a stay over , your sons hardly going to be in peak form the next day at school anyway in terms of tiredness and concentration, unless he’s a good car sleeper . Also every time we’ve parked at a festival or concert , getting out of the car park adds and extra half hour . Depends too on the weather , we had what would normally have been an easy hour and a half journey home last night/ this morning , but heavy rain and a road closure due to an accident meant it was absolutely knackering .

I'd do the drive home after a long day. It's easier to drive at night on quiet roads imo.

What I may do in situations like this is book a hotel the night before.

That way we don't have to be up and out early.

But I'm used to driving as ds competes in a sport where I'm regularly travelling for hours for him to compete!

Thanks all I guess it's no biggie. Will be a long day for ds but hopefully it'll be worth it.

Is the day off school the day of the event or the following day?