I'm not looking after myself

[fruitbat22]

And I know I'm not but I've fallen into unhealthy habits that are really hard to break.

I eat too much. I've put on a lot of weight lately and it shows in my face and belly. Nothing fits and everyday is a struggle to find something I feel semi ok in. Mostly it's leggings and very baggy tops. I associate food with comfort and fun. A Saturday night isn't a Saturday night without a takeaway. A trip to town isn't the same if I don't have a coffee and cake etc. I used to be fairly good during the week but I snack like mad and can easily polish off 500/600 calories by standing in the kitchen grazing on crisps and shit.

Same with alcohol. I drink maybe 3-4 nights per week at home. Not enough to be hungover but definitely over the recommended weekly units.

I don't exercise. I have tried the gym and running. Just hate them. I do YouTube workouts from time to time but again I despise every minute and genuinely wonder how people do this stuff everyday.

I don't have the time or money for hairs, nails or eyebrows and I have no idea what my clothing style is anymore. I catch sight of myself sometimes and just think I look so old, fat and haggard.

A lot of the eating and drinking habits come from a place of boredom. Dh and I have no help with the dc and can't go out so we try and make home life fun with these things. But really they are just making us unhealthy.

How do I break these habits? Every week I promise myself I'll eat better and every week I end up doing the same things over again, it's like a compulsion. I need to overhaul my life and habits so I look and feel better but I don't even know where to begin.

Hello! No advice really but absolutely could have written this myself. Had a bit of a cry about how rubbish I was feeling yesterday, and a good chat to DP about it which really helped.

Plan to make small changes, starting today (rather than wait til tomorrow) we're going to have a healthy breakfast and go for a walk, take it one very small step at a time

Thought I might have a bath this evening, do some self care.....shave, tan, paint my toenails etc. These things used to be normal to me, I'll be honest, don't even brush my teeth or clean my face most nights atm, and though it makes me feel horrendous. I've just slipped into not caring about myself.

Yep, me too. It really hits when spring is coming and you lose the comfort of being able to hide in big coats.

I think it's difficult to avoid the temptation because eating the food and drinking the wine feels good at the time but afterwards I just feel bloated and rubbish.

I have to accept that in the short term there might not be as much initial satisfaction in being 'healthier' but it will be worth it for long term gain. It's just really hard to make the changes.

It's the struggle of short term Vs long term priorities.

Can you spend your money at the start of the week on booking a hair/nails/brow appointment or a something to do at the weekend so that it cant be spent on alcohol, snacks, coffee & cake?

To be totally honest, not many people enjoy boring exercise but it's that thing of gritting your teeth to do it if it's important to you.

I appreciate ou and Dh dont have childcar but you do have eachother. Can you go for walks together and when you get home one of you (him) can stay in with the kids for 30 mins while you get a longer walk in?

Starting to change is the hardest part and it's all about mindset. I tend to sit between 10-11 stone and know that my habits at 11 stone are different to 10 stone (i eat chocolate every day, dont walk etc) and sometimes I accept that I will be 11 stone over winter because it's not important enough to me at that time.

You do need to consider your mindset to yourself. Nobody is missing out by not having a takeaway, you arent taking anything away from the kids. You deserve to look and feel nice. It isnt shallow, you arent a bad mum or wife for asking for support to do the extra walks if it is important to you. A happy mum and wife is important and you deserve to take time for yourself. It is hard, but you deserve to feel good about yourself, even if that is just deciding you are going to be happy with how you are for now and put it down to a stage of your life.

And just to add, start today. While you feel shit. Use it as your motivation. Day 1 is always hardest. Day 2 you feel proud and it starts building your self esteem. Then it's easier to keep going because you dont want to break your streak. X

Yep this is me too.

Hate all exercise with a passion. All of it. I can just about tolerate a long walk to the shops or on a day out as it’s for a purpose so I try to do more of that but the idea of jumping / running around getting sweaty doing something makes me want to put pins in my eyes.

Give up alcohol, use the money you would spend on alcohol to have your hair done/nails done/new clothes. You will most likely eat less without hangovers, or snack less when tipsy.

I'm a big snacker/eater as well OP but I gave up alcohol around 3 years ago and I use the money I would spend on wine every evening to get myself some new clothes, highlights or new make up. I haven't sorted out my bad eating habits yet but I've definitely lost weight from the alcohol alone, my face is less puffy/red and my mental health is the biggest improvement.

I also associate food with fun & have a take away every Saturday night, I snack on crisps etc while watching TV shows & cooking dinner 🤣. But had I been drinking as well I would definitely be overweight. I do alot of walking, with the dog and I'm busy running after kids but I don't use a gym or do any proper exercise, just walking.

I say enjoy your food, go for an hour walk each evening, replace some junk food with health snacks, but still enjoy your take away. Just try no alcohol for a while and watch how much your body changes. I lost over 2 stone then gained back about half a stone and have maintained since then x

Baby steps. Drink lots of water today, aim for 3-5 pieces of fruit or veg and go for a walk. Stick your trainers on and just walk. Walking is a brilliant and very underrated way to lose weight and tone up and you're much less likely to injure yourself walking than running. Listen to podcasts or music if you find walking boring. My sister lives in a different country from me but we used to "walk and talk" together every Sunday morning. It really is just taking those first steps.

I can sympathise with you . I came to the conclusion last week after a series of Dr appointments / hospital tests that my various symptoms are down to weighing far to much so I am yet again ( a yo yo dieter of several stone ) on another fucking diet .

@fruitbat22

Of course everyone has food at home as it is a necessity , but is the wine ?
Could you stop buying it to take away the temptation .

Are you mindlessly eating ? Sounds like you could be as you say you are eating lots of extra calories whilst in the kitchen.

It's boring , but every morning write down your daily eating ( but include snacks / a treat etc ) but write times as well and stick to that so that your time in the kitchen is out of your eating time.I

I also think that changing everything all at once sets you up to fail , so change one thing ( the wine perhaps ) and do with that for a few weeks , then add another ( no eating extras in the kitchen ) and so on .

A few things I have found that have worked:

1. My fitness pal. Set a target and a daily calorie count and log everything you eat and drink
2. Take photos of yourself every week. I take a photo of myself in the mirror in my underwear. Even after a week of being really healthy I could see the difference and that was a real motivator. I take one from the front and one of the side.
3. I am good all week food wise but allow myself treats at the weekend otherwise I won't stick to it if I tried to give up unhealthy stuff completely. I share a bottle of wine with my DH at the weekend and allow myself chocolate but only on a Friday or Saturday night.
4. When myself and my DH started this we used to cook nice meals that we'd still look forward to instead of a takeaway or coffee and cake in town we would withdraw the money and put it in a pot and save up for something nice.
5. I am the same as you and still like Friday/Saturday night to be a bit different and not just eat what we do during the week so we might get an M and S takeaway box or some nice M and S food which is cheaper and way less calories than a takeaway. We've not had a takeaway for over a year and I don't miss it now.

Could you learn to like fizzy water? I have it with PLJ, which is about 2 calories a pint, and I drink that instead of eating Sumfin Nice.

I also really like unsweetened black coffee, which has probably made quite a difference over the last 30 years.

For a (very) short while I did have some success with imagining that I'd eaten a teaspoonful of peanut butter

Unfortunately, it really does come down to just not consuming this time. And then the time after next. And then again.

I can (and do) very easily slip into patterns of this type of behaviour.
what really helps is taking control of my diet; what I eat makes a massive difference to how I feel.
On a Sunday I prepare a couple of lunches - Monday and Tuesday. I wfh but when I’m looking after myself properly I eat lunch and then use my lunch break to take a walk or go for a swim or spin.
When I haven’t made any effort to put together something tasty and nutritious for my lunch in advance I tend to write off the
whole day and instead I’ll eat 2 packets of crisps and a sausage roll or something else that’s not food that boosts my mood. This spills over into not bothering to go out for a walk and I end up feeling so lethargic which means after work I don’t want to go for a walk either.
So for me the key to getting a grip of it all is by preparing a healthy and delicious lunch that I’m really looking forward to eating the next day. Sounds so simple and I suppose it is!

Start small
Book yourself a haircut in 4 weeks’ time

Week 1 shower, brush your teeth and moisturise every morning and evening.
Week 2 all of the above but add laying clean clothes ready for the morning
Week 3 all of the above but add hand moisturiser once a day at least
Week 4 all of the above but add a clear coat of nail polish just before you go and have your haircut.

Eating:
Week 1 stop eating at 9.30 pm and don’t start again till 9.30 the following morning
Week 2 stop eating at 9pm and don’t start again till 10 the following morning
Week 3. stop eating at 8.30 pm and don’t start again till 10.30 the following morning
Week 4 stop eating at 8 pm and don’t start again till 11 the following morning

These are just examples. You could modify stacking habits how you wish. The trick is to start small and gradually stack another habit.

HTH

It's really hard OP, life to me feels sadder without all the treats but then I feel unhappy with the gains.

I do YouTube workouts from time to time but again I despise every minute and genuinely wonder how people do this stuff everyday.

Find the one that you hate the least and push through, every single day, for 30 minutes. Trust me. Just grit your teeth and push through for 3 months and then come back here and tell me jf you still hate it!

Find something else to do together at home. We play board games and also video games together.

Just don’t buy the sweets/chocolates/crisps/wine - instead buy some nice in season fruits, small amount nice cheese, hummus, olives, veg, etc. For snacks make yourself a plate of cherry tomatoes, iceberg lettuce with a small dollop of hummus, olives, a boiled egg, etc, etc. Have healthy snacks ready to eat in the fridge. Roast a few chicken fillets every few days and keep in fridge and use to add to your snacks. Same with salmon fillets.

If you can go for a walk each day, start off small distance and increase distance and time every week.

Do it for your children if nothing else because they will pick up your habits.

You need to break your current routine to help break your current habits.
You say you've no money to get your eyebrows done yet you have money for takeaways , coffee and cake.🤔
Do you need to go into town or could you go some where else to break the association of town = coffee and cake.
Could you do something else at the time you would normally have a take away on Saturday night for a few weeks.
Me and dh got into the ga it of chocolate every night once we settled down for the evening. At first it was a treat. It then became expected. It was then our normal to have chocolate every night at the same time.
I asked him to stop buying it and the first week was weird without it. Something was missing. After a while it became our normal not to have chocolate.

You dont have to be bored at home. Again, years ago we got into the habit of tv every night.
Now we make bread in the eve ing, sometimes make cocktails, have friends round - if we couldn't go to them , they came to us. We had folm nights at our place or games night etc. Not everyy night or week of course but if you did something like that on a Saturday, it may break the takeaway habit.

Even if you are stopping g in make an effort with how you look. At home I still put on tinted moisturiser, lip gloss, mascara and perfume.
When I'm having ' fat ' days I still wear leggings and t shirts but I now have good quality leggings and nice t shirts. These tricks give you a mental boost. You are investing in your self.
Go for a walk. I know you don't ha mve sitters but take it in turns to go out for an hour or so. Go and explore your local area using All trails or similar to get a step count in

To be blunt - you could afford hair, nails, etc (at least sometimes) if you weren't buying loads of wine, junk food and takeaways! So don't buy them. If they aren't in the house, you can't eat them. And if you hate the gym and running, go for a walk. Ask friends to join you so you can chat and walk at the same time. It's amazing how far you can walk and how enjoyable it is if you're chatting at the same time. And it's free! Much cheaper, in fact, than going into town and buying coffee and cake.

If you don't have friends to walk with, listen to a podcast or an audio book while you're walking. It's a great way to pass the time.

This is exactly it. Life is a slog at the moment anyway. We are in the trenches with small kids and no help. Life is just an endless cycle of work, chores, kids, sleep (not much of that) and repeat. So it's sad but true that I actually really look forward to my wine and takeaway at the weekend.

And yeah I guess I do have the money for hair and nails but I definitely don't have the time. If I'm not at work I'm looking after my toddler dc who I absolutely couldn't take to the salon.

I tell my self every night a new me will start tomorrow.
healthy eating gentle yoga to start myself off.
The plan is easy and sounds good in my head.
Ive done it before i can do it again.
HOWEVER the same thing happens every day.
To day i role our of bed at 10am can of coke cup a tea fag wake up a bit have shower ready for the day .
Laptop on more coke start eating junk im disgusting.

My dad has just done a compilation of videos from when ds 10 was a toddler.I saw myself in them and what stuck out was how much slimmer I was then and its given me the kick up the arse I need.
I'm 44 in April and I want to lose a stone.I WILL lose a stone!

At the very least switch wine to spirits and a diet coke or tonic, ot will save shitloads of calories and money.

Our culture and advertising have a lot to do with the obesity crisis. All the marketing language is about "indulgn", "treating yourself", celebrating a moment of peace or time as a family. Its insidious. Next time you look at the packaging, see it for the marketing it is and it takes a lot of the fun out of it.

And try some recipe kits. Trust me, when I started making curries and seeing the amount of butter it oil they asked for, i started trying to half it because it was so horrifying to see 50g, then it dawned on me that takeaways are just concerned with it tasting nice and so probably put loads more in and it really turned my off them. There are so many delicious, low calorie curries, even korma can be made without loads of cream.

When you start your journey it's really eye opening. X

I'm exactly the same but have recently made a few changes which are really working.
I make my own lovely weekend food and really enjoy it and it's much healthier. I do still have a bottle of wine over the two days.
I have (drum roll) joined a gym. It's one of those massive cheap ones so I can be completely anonymous and so don't feel as self conscious of being over 50 and a bit plump.
I am concentrating on building up my stamina after being breathless on an uphill dog walk and this has been a goal for me and I'm so pleased I can now do the same.walk with ease.
I work in a school and my youngest is now old enough to go home alone for a bit so I go straight from work for an hour. I have also been focusing on lifting weights rather than shit loads of cardio which is really good for older women and also increases metabolism.
I have lost a little bit of weight and feel much happier in my clothes.
I keep my skin care next to my bed so there is no excuse. I sit in bed doing my routine before I settle down. I use mostly cheap products apart from a bit of tretoinin which i get from skin and me for about 20 quid a month.
Little things have made a big difference.