Dads anger issues

[Lucidlucie]

I am in my mid twenties and recently moved back in with my parents after a break up. I’m looking for somewhere to rent but currently It’s very hostile at home and I can’t take it

My dad has anger issues and gets mad over the smallest thing. This has been going on for years but seems worse now. If he drops something he shouts and swears. He mutters things under his breath. He throws things round the house. He bangs things on his head. He takes things out on me and I can hear him talking about me when I haven’t done anything wrong, he just goes off and any little thing sets him off. He treats me like I’m a child.

I help around the house and cook dinners but nothings good enough. He just goes upstairs and expects me and my mum to do everything. Then if there’s one thing out of place he gets angry

He says if I’m staying there I ‘need to buck my ideas up’ because I’d left a cup on the side that I was going to wash

He loses temper and slams doors then sulks upstairs

My mum ignores it and doesn’t say anything

I don’t know what to do as I’m walking on egg shells around him

Make a plan to leave as soon as possible while not being destitute.

It probably seems worse because you’re being re-traumatised.

He won’t change, ever. So you need to get out of there. Houseshare, property guardian, anything.

Just make sure you have enough savings so you’ll be okay.

He won’t change. Your poor mum.
Classic narcissistic behaviour.

I would try to remember that this is temporary and stay motivated to move out.

On top of that, maybe asking him as kindly and calmly as you can, "Are you having a bad day, Dad?" Would he respond to a good listener? You could also ask your mum what's going on with him.

On top of that, have a few stock phrases prepared and do the broken record technique, e.g. "Do we have to shout about this?" - but you have to make sure that you are behaving like a reasonable adult for this to work..... it's hard living with parents because we subconsciously regress a bit, I think, and we lapse into being less mature and responsible than normal. And it's harder to take criticism from parents than housemates or colleagues. Bah, tricky situation, I feel for you.