How did your Covid anxiety present itself?
When you say you didn't want him around anyone, do you mean his own children?
Four years ago his eldest will have been 9 and if your Covid anxiety caused you to be controlling with him, is it possible you were controlling with his children too, did
you try controlling in how often he had his children at his home or where he spent with them? I'm not asking to judge, you weren't the only person scared shitless by covid, but if he did things like see his children or they picked up that you didn't want him around his children as much, then it could be why the 13 year old seems to have an issue with you. It could also be why the ex has developed an issue with you.
I kind of wonder if rather than it being about the ex enjoying you guys having relationship issues, at the start of Covid and your anxiety presenting as being controlling with who he saw, to them possibly looked like his daughter was being pushed out and not included as part of the pregnancy. How often did she come and stay during that time?
His often were/are you guys actually arguing around his stepdaughter?
Is it possible he was walking ahead because so if he bumped into his dd he could chat without you, his dd and her mother having an atmosphere?
I won't lie, my dad and my stepmum used to have raging arguments when were allowed to stay (which was once a month even though he lived five mins away) and my stepmum would sometimes have a go at me if I told my mum about the arguing and said she was jealous.
My Mam actually couldn't give a flying fuck about them getting on, she gave a flying fuck about my emotional well being though and because I was always quiet and withdrawn after being at stepmums house, and I told about the things I'd heard, she pulled my Dad up about the arguing around his children. Id be very uoset and sometimes scared when they were shouting and screaming at each other and a lot of the arguments were my stepmum telling my Dad what he is and isn't allowed to do with me. Some of the arguments would be about my Mam being jealous of them when it wasn't. If anything it's the other way round.
My Dad and stepmum mentioned my mother every single time I spoke to them, my Mam rarely asked about my Dad unless I visibly anxious and withdrawn. Over 20 years after my mother left my Dad he and his girlfriends or wives would still want to know her movements.
Is your three year old hearing these arguments all the time too. It sounds like a really toxic dynamic to be honest.