Offering to make birthday cake for someone else's child

Opinionsprettyplease · 2024-02-17T18:56:09+00:00

Hoping to get a feel for whether this is reasonable, and in what circumstances. 10yo dd's friend's mum offered (directly to dd) to make the birthday cake for her upcoming party. I'm thinking wtf but am I overreacting? I don't like her for lots of reasons, some related, but trying to straighten my thoughts on it in isolation, if that makes any sense! Yabu - get over it, it's just a cake Yanbu - who does she think she is

Skiphopbump · 17/02/2024 18:58

She might be starting f a cake business, she may just enjoy making cakes. You may have served really poor cakes and she feels sorry for your DD.

HirplesWithHaggis · 17/02/2024 18:58

Is the other mother a particularly good baker? Are you?

SarahAndGoose · 17/02/2024 18:58

Meh. Fine as long as they are not offended by you declining.

Original poster

Opinionsprettyplease · 17/02/2024 19:02

I haven't had the chance to decline, she hasn't mentioned it to me, only promised DD. I'm guessing she'll just turn up with it?!

OP posts:

yummyscummymummy01 · 17/02/2024 19:03

I think any reasonable person would worry they were treading on toes my offering and if they did decide to offer, would make the offer to you rather than the child.
Equally your ten year old may have relayed it out of context?

JMSA · 17/02/2024 19:04

Is she an accomplished baker? I'd be delighted by the offer, as my cakes are shop bought.
However I'd rather the offer was made to me rather than through my child. Is it possible she was just being nice? So maybe your child had some cake at her place and enjoyed it so much that she offered to make her one? I can see how that could happen.

Original poster

Opinionsprettyplease · 17/02/2024 19:04

yummyscummymummy01 · 17/02/2024 19:03

I think any reasonable person would worry they were treading on toes my offering and if they did decide to offer, would make the offer to you rather than the child.
Equally your ten year old may have relayed it out of context?

@yummyscummymummy01 that was my thinking. No, not out of context

OP posts:

fourelementary · 17/02/2024 19:05

It’s a bit weird to offer to the child but not to you- but not wrong to offer to make a cake. Would she pay or expect reimbursed? If she hasn’t said to you directly are you meant to just not have a cake at all? On the off chance she turns up with it??

Miloandfreddy · 17/02/2024 19:05

If she doesn't tell you about this directly I'd just get on with my business and buy/make my daughter her own cake. If the crazy cake lady turns up with a cake for her then happy days you have two cakes!!

CanaryCanary · 17/02/2024 19:05

It’s a weird thing for her to offer, although there may have been some kind of context (might your dd have said you’re too busy or something?).

In your shoes I’d text along these lines “Hi X, not sure if DD has got confused but she thinks you’re making her a birthday cake? Obviously no need to do that, I’ve already got one sorted for her party.”

That should sort it - and if she does turn up with one, you just firmly say no thank you, we already have a cake.

Ariona · 17/02/2024 19:06

I wouldn't rely on her. And I think it wasn't ok to approach your dd directly. I would get a cake for dd and if she does turn up with one then say you weren't told anything about it.

What's the backstory?

CaineRaine · 17/02/2024 19:06

It’s a bit odd for her to ask your DD directly. Just message her and say your DD mentioned the offer she’d made but it’s not necessary as you’ve got a cake sorted.

PutMyFootIn · 17/02/2024 19:06

Lol, your dd isn't going to love her more than she loves you just because she made a cake if that's what your worried about.

Why don't you like her?

The only person I know who offered to make birthday cakes was the chef, Georgio Locatelli. His dd had a life threatening food allergy and couldn't eat any of the food given at birthday parties. He used to offer to make the birthday cake as a gift so that at least his daughter could eat some of the cake.

TiredHippo · 17/02/2024 19:06

How rude @Skiphopbump even if that was her thought process, another child's Birthday is non of her concern. If she really wanted to do it to be nice, then she should have spoken to the poster first, not the DD. Imagine someone saying to your child, I'll make you your tea tonight, thinking they think you don't feed your child well.

FairyBatman · 17/02/2024 19:06

Nice of her to offer, but bang out of order to speak to DD without speaking to you first. I’d decline on principle, but then I’m petty.

Sophist · 17/02/2024 19:08

I’d hate everything about this. A really weird thing to offer (unless there’s context eg you told her you hate baking) and she should have said it to you not DD.

Pallisers · 17/02/2024 19:08

I'd just text her or say to her "oh dd mentioned you said you'd make her a birthday cake. Lovely but actually we are all sorted for the cake"

It is kind of bizarre to offer that to a 10 year old kid rather than her parent.

ZebraPensAreLife · 17/02/2024 19:10

The only way I can think this would be vaguely normal is if your DD was mentioning how much she liked the special and unusual cake that her DD had. I can see someone offering to make a cake in that instance, but would still expect the offer to go via you.

Lindy2 · 17/02/2024 19:12

I'd be pretty pissed off. My children's birthday cakes are something I like to do and I would politely decline any offer of a cake from anyone else. Even family.

Was your DD talking about a birthday cake with the mum? It seems a rather random and bizarre thing to offer.

LovelyDaaling · 17/02/2024 19:13

I can understand how you don't want to feel beholden to her. How does she know it's DD's birthday? Is her child invited to a party?

Provide your own cake so you know your daughter will have at least one cake you are happy with. Use yours for singing happy birthday and blowing out candles. If the second one turns up, say look everybody, XYZ's mum gave DD a cake too and you can each have two pieces of cake to take home.

Mountainpika · 17/02/2024 19:16

A friend offered to make a birthday cake for my younger son's birthday when he was 3 or 4. I said yes please. We were all happy about it. Kind of her to do so.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2024 19:19

She offered but did your daughter accept? I don't see what the BFD is, honestly. Just tell the woman a cake isn't needed as you already have one arranged.

Original poster

Opinionsprettyplease · 17/02/2024 19:19

Yeah I imagine it came up after DD complimented a cake she made. Still out of order to tell her she'd make hers and not mention it to me.
If she brings one I'll fling it in the car boot, just wondering if I was alone in finding this out of order.
She's batshit, a real attention seeker, and yes a good cook, so constantly telling anyone who will listen about what she's cooking. Sends chunks of chicken pie into school for dd for her lunch because "she loves my chicken pie". Also regularly offers DD a snuggle in her boobs as they are "so big" 🤮

OP posts:

coconutpie · 17/02/2024 19:23

Opinionsprettyplease · 17/02/2024 19:19

Yeah I imagine it came up after DD complimented a cake she made. Still out of order to tell her she'd make hers and not mention it to me.
If she brings one I'll fling it in the car boot, just wondering if I was alone in finding this out of order.
She's batshit, a real attention seeker, and yes a good cook, so constantly telling anyone who will listen about what she's cooking. Sends chunks of chicken pie into school for dd for her lunch because "she loves my chicken pie". Also regularly offers DD a snuggle in her boobs as they are "so big" 🤮

Errr WTF at that last sentence? The cake should be the least of your concerns about this woman.

PutMyFootIn · 17/02/2024 19:25

Also regularly offers DD a snuggle in her boobs as they are "so big" 🤮

Thats bordering on nonce behaviour in my book.