Scared it's all going to go wrong again

[TroolyScrumptious]

I know IABU so be kind please
Backstory: DS had depression and tried to end his life 3-4 years ago.
It was a long line of unfortunate events that led him to feel this way.
He was in a toxic relationship about 2 years ago, the girl lied, cheated and made his life hell and DS spiralled into depression again.
It was honestly the worst time.
I think I have ptsd from all this, even now when he's out late I think the worst.
But, he seems happy now, has a few little holidays with pals booked and just recently has started seeing someone new.
I know this is totally all me but I'm terrified of him being hurt all over again. The night of his suicide attempt is so clear in my mind still.
I know I should be happy that he's happy but I'm scared!

Big hugs to you and your son, glad he's doing a bit better!

Have you tried counselling?
I suffer ptsd for the same reason with a family member after 7 years I took counselling and it has really helped, doesn't work magic but really have helped.
Be sure to talk to those close to you and surround yourself with people who support you.

Thankyou, sorry you have been through this too. I haven't officially had counselling but have spoken to someone at work through the wellbeing hub, this was just after the event tho.

You aren't unreasonable at all - you are traumatised! Have you spoken to your GP about this? It sounds like you might benefit from some professional help, to give you some strategies to help with the trauma? Sending you love x

Not spoken to my GP but he is also DS GP so knows what happened as he saw DS during his depression.
I spoke to a psychologist through work but tbh I didn't find it very helpful. She advised anti depressants but I wasnt/am not depressed

I also spoke with them and had 0 benefit.
Unfortunately counselling is a waiting list Assuming you're in the UK anyway.
I'd suggest going to your GP Monday and explaining everything to them and request you put onto a list ( if they are decent humans they'd suggest this for you)
Ring up MINDS yourself if that's anywhere near where you are and register yourself there too.
If you need medication off the doctor to help a little get you by, take it.
But as I said and most importantly surround yourself with support. Not everyone will understand but the people who love you will listen and support you.

Sending love and hugs to you. X

@WhosTHATgirllala thankyou
I have never told any of my family about this. I told my 2 closest friends and my line manager when I was off work, who I get on well with and we can still talk.
DS has some really good friends who really helped him at the time, probably saved his life!
I.would say 98% of the time,if DS is happy, im happy. But the minute he appears a little down I panic. He has a stressful job which also plays a part.
DS is still on anti depressants but a much smaller dose now. He want to come off them, this also worries me.

Please speak out to your family, they will (I hope) support you, you really don't want to be dealing with this alone, you are important and you matter too!
I so understand where you are coming from though, when my family member gets down it really does take me back to that day - and it's clear as day too aswel as the feelings.

I promise with the right help it will get easier though!

I'm in exactly the same position OP with DS2 (26), i know how truly horrendous and terrifying it is!
I will say, 2 of DS2s best friends took their own lives in 2022, and i think one of the crucial factors was that they didnt have good relationships with their parents, or mates to talk to, so were largely alone.
Your son isn't, he has you and good friends.

Also my son HAS now suffered (3 weeks ago) his 2nd girlfriend who he lives with, suddenly deciding over a weekend, that she doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore.
We did have to do a dash down the motorway to collect him, with our phones in hands and DS1 constantly ringing for an update.. but i'll say this time, although we were so scared again, he seems slightly better at handling it. At least he wasn't rolled up in a ball on the floor clutching his head and rocking this time..

DS2 had a lot of counselling in between girlfriend 1 and 2, and i think its really helped, along with learning and carrying out relaxation techniques every morning before work (also in a stressful job). Is that something your DS might consider for when he comes off his Anti depressants?

I know how terrifying and stressful it is for you, i know what its like not to be able to sleep, how all consuming the worry is, and how easy it is to panic about it happening again, but it really might be easier for your DS to handle if he does get hurt again, they're a little older and wiser.. also is the situation something the two of you can have a talk about i wonder?

Meanwhile it really might be helpful if you did tell a member of the family that you're close to, or find a good private counsellor to offload to, if you can afford it? x

@Jellykat I'm sorry you went through this, it sounds all too familiar. How sad that your DS lost 2 friends, that's heartbreaking.
DS knew this girl was bad news but he couldn't let go. Everyone told him she was no good. One example she wanted a lift home after they'd both been drinking, DS would have done it if his mates hadn't taken the key off him. That's one of the lesser things she did!
I paid for private counselling for DS and I think he found it helpful, he has used the same person last year too.
Maybe I need to seriously think about counselling, I didn't think I needed it but sounds like I do. As I say, I didn't find the counselling through my work much help, and I think I'd feel better if I didn't 'know' the person?
At the end of the day I don't think we ever stop worrying about our kids, he's my youngest too and the only one left at home so I live it 24/7

It was heartbreaking, the worse thing was DS went to friend 1s funeral with friend 2, who stayed with us that night, we were all devastated and i spent ages talking to them about it all.., then friend 2 did it 3 months later!

Yep, we all knew girlfriend 1 was bad news too they were together for 2 years and she drank A LOT! We all spent a fab Christmas Eve and day together, i even got her a stocking, then she popped home to get a change of clothes on Boxing day, leaving her dog here and didnt reappear until 6 weeks later! Poor DS didnt understand what the hell was going on!
Ive been slightly concerned about girlfriend 2, very similar.. she doesnt drink but shes always liked to do her own thing when she wants, regardless of anyone else.. like suddenly deciding to go abroad to see a mate over DSs birthday weekend when theyd planned to do things together!

It does sound like counselling could help you @TroolyScrumptious , but it absolutely has to be the right person! Someone you know you can trust and who you really feel 'knows their stuff'.. I had one through the NHS many years ago and we just ended up discussing what home hair dye we used, total waste of time!
I certainly couldnt have a counsellor i had known beforehand, my last one was recommended via a friend and was really good at getting to the heart of the matter. Worth a shot OP!?

My eldest is 35, thats much easier, his life is very settled, been with his girlfriend for 8 years now, good job he enjoys etc, so it does get a bit easier and calmer eventually
Good luck with it all, I've got DS2 moving back at the end of the month, but do PM me if things get tricky for you again. I might not be able to help, but can be a listening ear if needed!