In a nutshell, my ex and father of our DD (6) was abusive to me (hence being my ex) and now he’s doing it to our daughter.
Some examples are getting explosively angry at her for doing something like not putting her coat on (for a 2 min transfer from car) and then punishing her by not waiting for her, saying “I only wait for good girls”. He often shouts at her over tiny things, and says things like “I’ve had enough of you” and walks off on her. He won’t let her cry, saying crying is for babies and he’ll let her do something (like jumping all over him) one day, then crack and shout at her the next time she does it. I’ve seen all this for myself and she now also tells me about it. Which he hates her doing and tells her not to run to mummy with “tales”.
He’s big into control (I have another post in relationships about the broader situation) and seems to get off on making us both scared of him. Last time DD came home (actually, he just arrived at my place with her unexpectedly and left her while he huffed off without an explanation), she was in tears and ran upstairs to hide from having to go back to daddy’s house. When things go wrong between them like that, he then starts sending me abusive messages blaming MY parenting!
I’m not perfect but I do manage to mostly stay calm and guide DD, we have lots of love and fun but there’s boundaries. He seems to think I’m totally permissive because I don’t shout!
Thing is, she’s generally a happy, clever, creative child, perfectly behaved ant school and I’m often complimented by strangers on how she is while travelling etc. She has no obvious behaviour issues but I have noticed she is increasingly disregulated, kind of manic highs and easily brought to tears, which I’m worried about.
I don’t know ANY parents who behave like him! Is it simply different parenting styles? I pull him up on the damage I think he’s doing and he goes ballistic. He’s got issues but refuses help as according to him “he’s a great guy” and I’m somehow the issue.
Help!