To not feel ready to meet/ introduce FIL new partner

[Trufflebutter24]

Not sure if FIL actually is a legit acronym? Anyway… father in law was with his partner for 12+ years. Was the kids “nanny” and we all got on really well.
FIL and her split late last year and he quickly moved on with new partner.
Both me and my partner feel that we aren’t ready to meet new partner/ introduce kids, probably more so the latter. They still speak about their nanny so it’s all a bit confusing. (More so the 5 year old)
FIL has invited new partner to ours this weekend. What do I do?
My own dad said that it’s his life and we should not be so concerned but I’m having trouble excepting it. Is that crazy?

To me it is his life and I don't have to judge I would meet and be civil

I don't feel the need to take this on a thing myself, he is not doing anything wrong but what right does anyone have to an opinion?

YANBU. Just because he's having a new relationship, he doesn't get to force you into one. He certainly doesn't get to invite her to your house!

I would get your dp to have a word with him and say you're not ready to introduce a new partner to the dc until it's clearly a long term thing, it will be very confusing for them.

It wouldn't bother me it's just fils friend. But if it bothe you say no.

Well you are going to meet her eventually, But I would be putting firm boundaries in place so to not confuse the children I.e grandads “friend”.

It’s his life.

Personally I don’t get the big deal. People move in and out of relationships and things change.

If it’s a parent then that’s a different matter but anyone else and all this putting boundaries in place and what-not is far too OTT.

personally I think we put far too much emphasis on thinking that children are going to be so confused etc that we turn it into something we’re not.

I had relatives when I was younger who were seemingly married to someone one day and then someone else the next. I can’t even remember the timelines, no big deal was made of it, it was just a case of auntie x and y aren’t together any more, and before we knew it uncle y was on the scene.

if the DC don’t see their “nanny” any more then that’s on her tbh. She’s an adult, she could have chosen to have a relationship with the kids if she’d wanted to.

He’s invited his dp to your house? Rude.

If you normally get on with your fil then I’d just suck it up and be polite.
For the dc it’s grandad’s friend.
If they ask where Nanny is then just be truthful and say she doesn’t live with grandad any more.

It works both ways though so your FIL and his friend' may have to listen to your 5 year maybe mention their 'nanny'.

Do you know why his ex has walked away from your DC? After 12 years, that's quite a bond.

The fil is a grown ass man and can have a new friend can’t he? Does “nanny” see the children? I wouldn’t be happy about a new nanny, but when your kids grow up they’ll likely have new partners and this is part of life for singletons. Nothing weird about it. Unless fil and nanny are still together or she had died, I think yabu.

if you and your partner split you wouldn’t introduce a new partner to your kids that quickly. In fact most separated parents wait an awfully long time before introducing their children to someone new. I don’t see this as any different because there is still a family attachment element.

he should’ve discussed it with you first and not assumed and you are quite right for wanting to a) see how it pans out before introducing someone new to your kids and b) wanting to get to know them a bit separately first