Breaking up in a public place

[LilsnBills]

Not about me but it’s sparked a bit of a debate and I’m keen to get outside opinions.

The scenario, DH and I went to a really lovely restaurant in Knightsbridge tonight, a late valentines dinner. Around us were mainly couples so I’d imagine a lot in the same situation. Our table was uncomfortable close to next one, a relatively young couple, early 20s at most for the woman and the man maybe a little older.
When we got seated they were already almost done their main. Didn’t really pay any attention to them focused on our meal.

During their desert we could really clearly overhear their conversation, he was breaking up with her (and not being massively nice about it) he then said he’d transfer her the cost of the food and got up and left. The poor girl looked totally empty and started crying a little, she just sort of sat there until the staff asked her to pay and told her they needed the table.
I said to DH that I felt awful for her and it’s cruel to do it somewhere public, she was visibly upset, everyone around her would have been able to guess what had happened.

DH disagreed and said public is better, no one’s territory, easier to make a clean escape.
We posted to our relevant group chats and there has been mixed feedback - some saying public is always better, others saying private, preferably wherever the person being broken up with lives. Some pointing out how awful it is to make someone believe they are going on a date night, sit through 2 courses then break up.

so
YABU - Public is better
YANBU - Private is better

thoughts?

An open public space might be better than a small restaurant, why add humiliation to the mix, it's cruel

I had this situation once. I was with a group of my girls and this horrible bloke dumped his gf over the meal. She ran to the toilets crying.

Cut a long story short we invited her to join us and she had a great night out with us ! I often think about her and hope she is happy

I would always do private if I can.

Unless theres concerns around abuse.

I broke up with my Exh at home and he got crazy. He cut his neck and threatened suicide.

I have got broken up with privately and I appreciated being able to grieve and take in what happened in my own space rather than be embarrassed in a public place.

Let’s assume they are both normal people, and not prone to violence in public or private.

WHY would you break up with someone in a restaurant on Valentine’s Day? Why? It’s an awful thing to do! Surely if you wanted to avoid any drama you’d phone!

I dumped my exh via text! A much more modern approach!! Was prefect. Didn't have to see his miserable angry man child face when I ltb!!

Sounds terribly cruel and ...premeditated? Weird as well. I actually think I'd prefer a text tbh.

Did you ask her if she was okay?

Well obviously private.

Although I favour breaking up with someone by text with a follow up conversation if necessary.

I never understand why, on MN, people.have such an issue with breaking up over text nor having to meet up somewhere neutral to do it.

Do it in private or do it by text.

Get the police involved if it's going to turn nasty.

This happened to us one Valentine’s Day - he even worked out and left her with the bill. People choose to break up in a public place in the hope that it will be civilised - no shouting, hitting, screaming.

The couple on the other side of her, asked if she needed anything like water or help getting a taxi, she refused and it didn’t seem fair for her to get bombarded from every direction.

If that was the case he just seems like he was on a massive ego trip, not worried that she was about to stab him if it was done in private 🙄

I think the biggest thing here is Valentine’s Day makes it unnecessarily cruel and doing it at the end of a dinner. If you want to do it in public for whatever reason, grab a drink and do it then.

This. He was an absolute nob to do it that way. And to leave her with the bill. Areshole.

It's shitty behaviour unless you have genuine concerns about your safety.

Lucky escape - though we don't know the full story. Assuming she hadn't just slept with his best friend, a quick coffee would have been better if he was concerned she may become violent or he'd be unable to get away.

I would definitely have gone and given her a hug. What a bastard. Bet he didn't transfer any money either.

Public is fine as neutral but there's a huge difference between a quiet conversation sat on a bench in a park or something equally low key and after a Valentine's Day meal.

It's shitty to do it after a date, somewhere dressy and especially shitty to leave her with the bill.

Keep it low key. He's basically ruined Valentine's Day for her now as every time she gets dressed up for a nice meal and goes to a nice restaurant on Valentine's Day she'll remember being blindsided and left with no boyfriend and the bill.

that was kind of them.

He was a class A wanker though - if you do that, you settle the bill on the way out.

Agree with pp if you think there may be a violent reaction, do it in public (or by text) if you care how they are, maybe low-key coffee shop where you hope someone will check in on them?

I told my ex I wasn’t coming back on the phone, he insisted on meeting me so I said I’d be in a park which I knew was busy. I told him I was filing for divorce, let him scream at me, then walked away. No chance I’d have seen him without many witnesses.

Quite different from a busy restaurant where other people’s nights would be ruined but he may have had his reasons.

What possible “reason” could be have to do it after a meal and not before? What possible “reason” could he have to do it on Valentine’s Day and not the 13th or 15th?

He was being a Grade A prick

It wasn’t on Valentine’s Day.

He didn't break up with her on Valentine's Day.

Obviously his behaviour is shit, but there's no need to make things up to make him sound even worse. He already sounds bad enough!

The fact it wasn’t on actual Valentine’s Day is pretty irrelevant. It was Friday night - probably the first chance for many couples to go out and celebrate Valentine’s Day and I’ve no doubt the restaurant was all loved up. He knew it would be filled with couples and how cruel it would be.
He sounds like a grade A tosser. I would have been humiliated and I wouldn’t have been able to contain my upset. It’s horrible to break up with somebody in public. And if you have to do it in public due to any concerns, at the very least do it somewhere suitable like a park or on a walk.

Sounds humiliating to me.

God, please don't ever do that!

Ask if she's ok if you really must involve yourself but no - don't go hugging random strangers who are prcessing something like this. That's just totally invading someone's personal space.