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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t stop thinking about a colleague

7 replies

Yup23 · 17/02/2024 00:08

I don’t get it why can’t I just stop it and it’s driving me insane? He’s not good-looking, a bit overweight, and always a bit down. He’s super nice and friendly one day, another day he’s not. He’s married and older.
I tell the myself to stop it and I avoid him at work but he comes over to my desk and he’s so lovely to talk to. My fav days are when he’s not in! It’s been like this for a long time now - it’s not a new thing and it goes in waves.
I feel ridiculous and stupid. What can I do?!

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 17/02/2024 00:23

Keep rereading your first paragraph to yourself.

AsanteSana · 17/02/2024 00:23

Imagine him sitting on the bog with his pants round his ankles, having a good old nose pick at the dame time - that should kill any lascivious thoughts!

AsanteSana · 17/02/2024 00:24

"same time"

user1471548941 · 17/02/2024 00:39

With the exception of the married part… I am now married to this colleague. Turns out he was depressed and living a very insular life. We started seeing each other and it motivated him to get some counselling and start living life a bit more.

The weight fell off him, he dealt with his mood issue and turned out to be one of the kindest people I’ve ever met….He’s currently asleep in bed next to me whilst I can’t sleep as we catch a flight in a few hours to go away for our 3 rd wedding anniversary…

Just to give you an alternative perspective!

RobertaFirmino · 17/02/2024 01:40

It's not him. What you are attracted to are his qualities. The things you like about him are things you would like in a future partner. Rational you knows nothing would ever happen so it's 'safe' to have this crush. Because nothing is actually going to happen, nobody is going to get upset, nobody will have their heart broken.

You don't mention your own relationship status but I wonder if you have had some heartbreak of your own in the last couple of years. It is human nature to have these feelings and I wonder if your brain is trying to protect you by directing them towards a safe target.

LauritaEvita · 17/02/2024 08:46

RobertaFirmino · 17/02/2024 01:40

It's not him. What you are attracted to are his qualities. The things you like about him are things you would like in a future partner. Rational you knows nothing would ever happen so it's 'safe' to have this crush. Because nothing is actually going to happen, nobody is going to get upset, nobody will have their heart broken.

You don't mention your own relationship status but I wonder if you have had some heartbreak of your own in the last couple of years. It is human nature to have these feelings and I wonder if your brain is trying to protect you by directing them towards a safe target.

I thought this also. A friend of mine has fixated on a different married man in each job she’s had. She’d never make a move but I think for her, they’re a safe crush, as she’s very cautious when it comes to men. I wonder if the same goes for the OP.

Original poster
Yup23 · 17/02/2024 11:15

I am married and my DH is from the same country as him. I used to live in that country for a long time. So perhaps it’s the familiarity. It’s driving me insane

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