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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wills and Life Insurance

29 replies

ThisCheeryScroller · 16/02/2024 23:33

Good evening,

I've literally just signed up to Mumsnet and this is my first post. A conversation that I have had with my partner this evening has brought me here as I am feeling a tad upset and confused with my feelings. It is with regard to Wills, Life Insurance and his preferences for what should happen if he were to die before me.

A little background. We are both in our mid 40s. Have been together 4.5 years. Unmarried with a 15 month old. I am not working. Prior to meeting my partner I worked internationally for 15 years. I do not own property or have a mortgage. My partner has had his house for 10 years and is employed.

He has Death in Service cover, which is 4 times his salary so rounded up to £250k. I have asked him to look at Life Insurance and after having a meeting with a financial advisor through his company he has been quoted a 300k policy for £23 a month through Aviva, which I believe is discounted too as a company perk.

We had a conversation this evening where he said he has decided that should something happen to him before his planned retirement at 63 then he will be nominating me to receive 100% of his death in service, to receive the Life Insurance payout and I'll be the only beneficiary to receive his pension. However, he has decided to leave the house in the will to our son. That I would be able to remain in the house but my son would legally own it. This has left me so upset. He says that I haven't brought anything to the relationship financially, that there is no parity. If I were to die young then he would gain nothing.

My plan is to return to work in a couple of years as building up a pension is my priority right now. I was a very successful professional prior to meting him, but for reasons I am unwilling to disclose I do not have a private pension. So, yes I understand I have not contributed to the mortgage as he said he always had this covered, but really he didn't want me involved in this as he was protecting his assets. I was paying £450 monthly towards bills and food shopping but now that I am a SAHM with no maternity pay and no savings left he covers it all and is financially able to.

I suppose what I am upset about is that I feel like he is cutting me out of his will. I'm upset that he doesn't care enough about my financial security should he pass away young leaving me a widow. This is a real fear of mine as my Mum became a widow at my age. He says I would stand to receive a lot of money, which I am not fully confident about as pension is based on projections, I worry that life insurance policy would have lots of hidden clauses meaning I wouldn't be paid out and I've have no legal standing with regard to the house, which in my eyes is a concrete asset. I know house prices can crash but surely you would want to leave your partner financially secure to care for your child?

When I said to him but we have discussed buying a place together in the future he said yes but that he would have a clause stating his £350k asset would be protected so should we ever split I can't access it only the equity built on what I've paid into.

He was also saying that by putting the house in our child's name would protect you from the government making you pay for care should you need to go into a care home because it's in our child's name.

I know for sure if I was in his position I'd be looking to leave him financially secure and that the house would go to him.

I hope this all makes sense. I just feel like he is so black and white at times. He can be tight with his money too. Is stubborn at times with his views. I just feel left a little hurt and as I've really got to know him over the short time we have been together this is a side of him I don't like.

Maybe I should add that he was married previously and had to pay her £20k to buy her out of the house so I know he is bringing that intoourr relationship.

AIBU? Should I be grateful when he says he is leaving me money but not the house?

TIA
A very tired, emotional and anxious Mum

OP posts:
dancingdaisies · 16/02/2024 23:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

5thCommandment · 16/02/2024 23:42

Surely if you're married you get the lot if he dies by virtue of being his wife. Unless there is a prenuptial agreement I'm not sure he can dictate that in a will. Also being married you should have your name registers to the mortgage and title, but it sounds like he's resisting that.

We have a joint life insurance with legal n general that pays out 300k on death, plus my life assurance 10x salary to the wife. My pension also goes to her 100%. She's minted if I die lol. I get that he's looking out for the kids but I disagree with his stance personally. At least he's not cut you out - he's trying to be balanced.

Precipice · 16/02/2024 23:43

However, he has decided to leave the house in the will to our son. That I would be able to remain in the house but my son would legally own it. This has left me so upset.

Why does this upset you? If he died and you remarried, your son might lose out on the house altogether, thanks to claims from your new husband. It's very normal and sensible to will the house to your child, with a liferent for you so you have a guaranteed place to live. If your child was still a child at inheriting, the inheritance would be administered by you as the child's parent anyway for the child's interest (unless your partner set up a trust with other trustees).

Precipice · 16/02/2024 23:45

Surely if you're married you get the lot if he dies by virtue of being his wife.

OP's not married, but this is likely not true anyway. They have a child.

notknowledgeable · 16/02/2024 23:48

I dont think you have anything to worry about, he has made plenty of provision for you, and for your son.

What about you? Have you made provision for him if you die first?

Winter2020 · 16/02/2024 23:49

If I have understood correctly you would stand to gain a 250k death in service payment, 300k life insurance and the right to live in your house until you pass away. You would be fine! There could be some unintended consequences for your son in losing first time buyer status and paying additional levels of stamp duty when he buys his own property. He would also owe capital gains tax on any increase in value between when he no longer lives there and when he sells. Might you have further children? Will the will leave it to "any children equally"?.

I think you should also get life insurance. If you were to die would your partner be able to keep their job without your support with child care etc.

Winter2020 · 16/02/2024 23:53

You could also both look into inheritance tax thresholds as you can leave everything to a spouse free of inheritance tax but find out if there would be tax to pay on leaving the house to your child. Might depend on the value of the house.

DragonGypsyDoris · 16/02/2024 23:57

A minor child cannot legally own a property - it would neef to be held in a trust with the child as the ultimate beneficiary.

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2024 00:00

What provision have you made for him should you die first?

choirmumoftwo · 17/02/2024 00:02

Is there separate insurance to pay off the mortgage otherwise the house belongs to the bank whoever he's left it to in the will. Surely he doesn't expect you to pay it off with the insurance when it isn't yours? Would you even be allowed to?

NewName24 · 17/02/2024 00:43

Precipice · 16/02/2024 23:43

However, he has decided to leave the house in the will to our son. That I would be able to remain in the house but my son would legally own it. This has left me so upset.

Why does this upset you? If he died and you remarried, your son might lose out on the house altogether, thanks to claims from your new husband. It's very normal and sensible to will the house to your child, with a liferent for you so you have a guaranteed place to live. If your child was still a child at inheriting, the inheritance would be administered by you as the child's parent anyway for the child's interest (unless your partner set up a trust with other trustees).

This is what I was thinking.

dh and I both leave our half of our assets to our dc, in trust, should anything happen to us.

You sound like you would be very well provided for, and also your dc is provided for. The thing I would want written in is "our child ren" in case you have another and hadn't got round to changing the will before the unlikely event of him suddenly dying.

Ruralrules · 17/02/2024 01:49

My son inherited a grandfather's property, they simply changed the owner details with land registry before they died and it's been really problematic in some ways. His grandparents were entitled to help with rates but he wasn't so he was effectively paying their rates.
They required adaptations to the house on account of their disabilities but couldn't claim when he was the owner.
I'd worry about who maintains your home, pays the rates etc.

Floormopandcrumbs · 17/02/2024 02:49

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me, except the house should be put in trust for child/ children with a lifetime interest for you.

GreyhpundGirl · 17/02/2024 03:09

I don't think he's being unreasonable at all given you will benefit massively in other whats. I'd want to know though who would be responsible for paying off the mortgage if there is still one, or paying for insurance/ repairs if you have no claim to It, if he dies before you, and your child is still a minor.

Jarstastic · 17/02/2024 07:48

I’d look into life assurance for yourself easy to do online it’s not too expensive (critical illness however costs a lot more)

SleepQuest33 · 17/02/2024 08:01

I honestly think he’s being very reasonable. He is not leaving you homeless without a penny.
He is protecting your son’s interests, the house is an asset he owns. What if you married after his dead?
it has happened many times! First family children losing out on the second spouse when inheritance is distributed.

I wouldn’t let this damage your relationship. You have great work experience. Start planning now.

parietal · 17/02/2024 08:04

The will arrangements sound sensible.

As if often said here, as an unmarried non working parent, you are very vulnerable if the relationship breaks down. He could chuck you out on the street with nothing.

Is marriage in the future? What about getting yourself on the mortgage or building up your own savings?

Toooldtoworry · 17/02/2024 08:13

I work in this exact field.

By the way you've written the post he's nominated his life insurance to you upon death, and his pension.

You don't say if he has a private policy to repay the remaining balance of the mortgage on the property if he dies. If he doesn't he needs to get one and put it in trust so it doesn't have to go through probate/into his estate for IHT.

Re: Will. It actually makes sense to leave the property to your son for his reasoning with you having a lifetime interest. My DH and I own as tenants in common and our shares are left to our children for this reason.

Only other thing I'd be discussing is if he has income protection in case he's long-term sick and what happens to the life cover through work if he's medically retired before he dies.

Sunnnybunny72 · 17/02/2024 08:26

Is he paying into a pension for you whilst you take time off to raise his child?
Work out how many hundreds of pounds per month nursery would cost him if you were working and then ask him if you bring nothing financially to the relationship.
Worrying attitude.

Nevermindtheteacaps · 17/02/2024 08:30

Yes YABU to not be working and be dependent on a man you haven't known all that long.

Suggest returning to work ASAP and putting a stop to his nasty comments about 'bringing nothing'

Soontobe60 · 17/02/2024 08:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

He’s correct though, she didn’t bring anything to the relationship financially. She moved into the house he bought and is now being supported financially by him.
OP, you need to return to work now, sort your pension out and get married! If you split up, you would have nothing!

Soontobe60 · 17/02/2024 08:41

Sunnnybunny72 · 17/02/2024 08:26

Is he paying into a pension for you whilst you take time off to raise his child?
Work out how many hundreds of pounds per month nursery would cost him if you were working and then ask him if you bring nothing financially to the relationship.
Worrying attitude.

She said that he said she ‘brought’ as in past tense. Which is correct. He clearly has her financial interests at heart - after all, he’s arranged his financial affairs so that if he were to die, she would receive half a million pounds in cash and the right to live in the house for life. Sounds pretty generous to me, and not at all financially abusive.

Spirallingdownwards · 17/02/2024 08:43

I think leaving you the right to live there (life interest) plus £550k is not unreasonable.

If you have worked as a professional internationally for 15 years but have no pension nor financial stability nor property yourself that is rather strange and perhaps why he would rather ensure provision is made for his child.

OrangeMarmaladeOnToast · 17/02/2024 08:43

OP, you need to return to work now, sort your pension out and get married! If you split up, you would have nothing!

Yep, the much bigger risk here is if the relationship ends through separation rather than through death. I think you're missing the wood for the trees here OP.

TempleOfBloom · 17/02/2024 08:47

OP, I have many friends who had parents divorce or bereaved. The remaining parent married again, eventually dying before their new partner…. Who left nothing of the estate to their now step child.

You and your DP are relatively young. Young to die, anyway. You could potentially inherit the house, marry someone, die and leave the house to new husband, who then remarried a much younger woman… who inherits the house and has no thought for her former DH’s step kids!

This happened to a friend of mine who watched her dearest grandmothers money be handed around like this, and she never saw a penny while successive partners enjoyed a life of luxury and left everything to subsequent children.

He has taken sensible steps wrt life insurance and pension. He has ensured you have the house for your whole life and that his child will be secure.

It isn’t as if you had children before your career was started and sacrificed your whole career prospects and earning potent raising your joint children.