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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be struggling after so many years

4 replies

Squirre · 16/02/2024 15:21

Not sure the best place to post this.

DC has very complex needs and after a period of stability things have fallen apart again. Big regression after covid and health decline which is now stable but was frightening for a while. I'm having a nightmare with the LA. We've been on the waitlist for a ramp assessment for over a year (OT said we need but then the council do their own seperate assessment before agreeing) and as DC gets bigger it's getting harder and harder to get into and out of the house. I'm also in a battle for other equipment with the OT, over education with the LA, barely getting any support from community services for DCs health needs. I feel like I should be able to hold myself together by now. And I could before but now every night I find myself crying my eyes out. I'm finding myself getting tearful all the time in the day and struggling to open my emails or answer the phone because almost everything is bad news or leads me into another fight and complaint or appeal. I've genuinely started to question if I wasn't here would things be better for DC? Would there be so many barriers to things needed if it wasn't for me?
I'm divorced so pretty much all of this falls onto my shoulders. I do have support from ex-inlaws with care but the "admin" side is all on me and I feel like I'm drowning.
I just don't understand why I can't seem to keep it together anymore. Nothing has changed it's always been a battle but I can't seem to find the hope anymore. It's like I used to think things could get better but now I know they never will.

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 16/02/2024 16:08

I think you are feeling extremely stressed and exhausted by holding it together for so long.

You're obviously doing an amazing job, to manage so much challenge - it must feel like there is always another thing to deal with.

You say your ex in laws help with care - can you get a few days off and just go away? It doesn't have to be far or expensive - could you visit a friend? Or go for a weekend break in the country? It sounds like you desperately need some respite.

And it will get better - when you have the admin in train it will be easier. Big respect to you.

TheDogdidGood · 16/02/2024 16:33

I’m so sorry…this sounds exhausting. You sound like you’re doing an amazing job and your DC would in no way be better off without you. I have no practical advice to offer, I’m not in the UK, but have you spoken to your GP about how you’re feeling? Getting some emotional support? Things will get better x

FusionChefGeoff · 16/02/2024 16:42

I think it sounds a bit like emotional burn out - we can keep going for so long and then we can't.

Also how old are you as peri menopause made everything feel like such a struggle and I had nothing like your challenges

AnnaRLN · 17/02/2024 18:35

It is because you are doing a job of 10 people. And yes Council's does not help - they are waiting for total breakdown of everything and then suddenly they have funds once you are completely broken

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