Ex and friend

[Weirdissues]

AIBU? Happy to be told.

So I dated a man called Ben for a few months in 2016. Ben treated me very badly (cheating). I introduced Ben to a friend of mine Jane who I knew from school and she knew about our issues. I left Ben.

Ben and I rekindled things a few years later. Ben was abusive. So I left again, rebuilt my life and got back in touch with Jane.

I decided to to confided in Jane and she told me he had tried dating her but she sensed something was wrong and called it off after a bit so she knew what i meant. I don't know how to feel about this. Ben doesn't surprise me but I don't want to lose my friend. I should say that there was a huge gap between the two of us and when it happened I was with someone else so I didn't have feelings for Ben at the time. So I genuinely cannot say how I would have felt if I'd know at the time. But given I'm still dealing with the aftermath of abuse my head is everywhere.

I wouldn't class her as a friend.

Absolutely this.

He abused you. You confided in her. She dated him. Wtf???

The abuse happened when we dated a second time around in 2020. They briefly dated about a year after we first split in 2017 so she knew he was a player but not abusive. I don't want to sound possessive and again when they had their thing I was with someone else but it still rubbish they hid it at the time. I don't know how serious or what happened and I don't want to. She only told me when I confided I had been abused.

I don’t think a close friend would have gone on to date him the year after you had, even though it doesn’t sound as if it lasted long enough to be serious. However, it sounds as though you had lost touch with Jane by this stage and they were both single.

This is the biggest non issue ever. She didn't know he was abusive when she went out with him. It sounds brief. We don't own people we once dated.