To not say happy birthday to friend that ghosted me ?

[TiVl]

Long long story. I don't want to drip feed, but to tell the whole story is just too long.

Long story short, my former best friend made it clear she no longer wanted to have a close friendship and needed ' space ' around 5 years ago, when I got pregnant with my first child.

Since then, we've made some attempts at talking again and have seen each other at a couple of weddings. She initiated the contact and I was happy to reciprocate contact, but ultimately, she would then also always stop the contact by not replying.

So if she did message me, I would also keep it very brief in my responses, the same way she would. It's almost like she wants to know if I'm still around and if I then reply enthusiastically, she almost enjoys ignoring me again.

So around 2 / 3 years ago, if she text how are you ? I would say ' great thanks. Hope you're well' and leave it there. Whereas before I would have said 'yeah all good. Bla bla bla. How about you ? '

Anyway it's been a couple of years at least since we've had a conversation. But she still always says happy birthday. I used to reply like ' thanks, how's it going ? '. I stopped doing that and now just reply with ' thanks '.

Her birthday is next week and I just don't even want to write happy birthday to her. I don't see the point anymore. That's ok right ?

She still says happy birthday to me, but what's the point.

My brother does this. Every year I get

'Happy birthday'

'Thanks. How are you? How are things?'

No reply or even contact from him until my next birthday

Do you want to draw a line under the friendship? You're obviously not getting anything from it. It's fine to cut contact.

It doesn't cost anything to send a quick Happy Birthday. I probably wouldn't do more than that though.

Agree, no point. I wouldn’t!

Don't bother!!!!

Save your thumbs.

No point really.

Nope, move on and save your energy. Sorry though; this sounds tough :(

I agree with the no point, it’s like the people wh ok see your date on Fb but you’ve barely heard from them or chatted to them. I’m so sorry op, it’s a pity she messaged you in the first place, people deserve to just be able to move on x

I have a friend like this, we used to be close too.
She does exactly the same thing with the happy birthday message. I used to respond and then my replies would either be left unread or read with no reply. It was my birthday recently and she sent the ‘happy birthday’ message and I just replied with a thanks emoji. I find it difficult to not reply, I guess because I’m not as rude as her.
Its tricky because on the surface to others it probably sounds petty, but it’s a horrible feeling when you go from close to somebody, to just receiving a pointless ‘happy birthday’ message when they literally have no idea what you’ve been up to the past year because they aren’t interested, and they also no longer tell you anything about their lives.
If you feel you would be able to not write it, then don’t. She probably won’t even notice if she’s not interested anyway.

I think she would notice if I didn't. But that doesn't mean I need to send her a happy birthday message.

I have a friend like this. I've stopped any kind of messaging. I found I just always felt hurt and like a mug.

"I just don't even want to write happy birthday to her"

Enough said. If you don't want to, don't.

Post unnecessary.

Yes, you could be lying on your death bed and they drop you an inappropriate happy birthday text because they don't bother to communicate properly any other time.

I would probably not send one.

I believe it's possible on Facebook (and probably on some other forms of social media) to set up a standard "Happy Birthday" message that automatically sends a message to your friends without you having to do anything.

It sounds like your former friend has set up something similar, in which case she doesn't even need to remember it's your birthday, never mind expend the minimal effort required to type "Happy Birthday".

I wouldn't bother to wish her happy birthday. If she doesn't notice, it doesn't matter; if she does notice, it won't do her any harm to think you give even less of a shit about your former friendship than she does. ❤️

"I don't want to" is a great reason not to do something. You don't want to, so don't. The birthday police are really underfunded at the moment, you'll be fine 😊

I think you are making the right decision @TiVl ! It's time to close that chapter. Take from it the memories of the good times, and stop opening yourself up to more hurt.

Yeah last year she replied to my happy birthday message and asked how I was, I said I'm good and hope she was too- again, and purposefully not going into too much detail and not asking another question back.

She asked to some pics of my children ( who she's never met and I had a baby that she never knew had been born, but she did know I had been pregnant again ) so I sent her a few and then she took almost a month to say anything about those pics. I regret that I even sent anything.

I feel like she wants me to be involved and then wants to drop it again on her terms.

I used to have a therapist and that was her conclusion. That she enjoys doing that to me. She's not even aware that's what happens. She's not a bad person.

But it's just weird. Maybe if I don't send it, then she'll stop sending it and it can just be over.

It's fine to end things, if that's what you want.

Sounds like she wants to know you're there on the back burner and she can dip in and out and ask for information about your life to keep tabs on you at a distance.

That's not friendship, and it's fine for you to decide you're not interested in her any more. It doesn't always have to be the other person making the decision. Friendship is the ultimate mutual endeavour.

It doesn’t sound like you are still friends so I wouldn’t bother with messaging someone I wasn’t friends with.