I have an old friend (30 years plus) in her twenties she met a man who was abusive to her. They had three kids , she suffered postnatal depression. He constantly belittled her, would be sexually abusive in front of his friends. Just vile. She became dependent on alcohol as a coping method. At one point she met a guy at work, they started off talking/supporting each other and it became an emotional affair that went on for over a year. Eventually her dh found out and she stopped talking to the guy but her mental health plummeted.
Her parents convinced her to leave the abusive ex. But he still had a hold on her and would berate her on the phone or in person for hours every night. This went on for several years even after she had met another man. It's been a good 15 years since this happened, she's married, has a good job , her ex has moved on but her mh is still crap and she's a functioning alcoholic.
She still sporadically rings me upset that she cheated on her ex and convinced she is going to hell. And that she is a terrible person. She will not accept her ex's behaviour was abusive. It's like she's stuck in it.
We end up on the phone an hour or so and nothing shifts for her. I've suggested counselling, hypnotherapy obviously alcohol support services. I'm not sure how else to help. Any ideas?