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Original poster

Should I lie to my kid about the dentist?

97 replies

CaseyCassum · 14/02/2024 20:20

Don't eat me alive, please. I just have a question.
My son is 14 and deathly afraid of the dentist. Always has been.
Whenever he was younger, the methods the dentist used to force compliance of children in the denstist's chair were (by today's standards) pretty barbaric.
If a child would fight the dentist and refuse to settle, it was standard practice to strap the child down using a weighted blanket and straps, and then usher the parents out of the room to do the dental work... This happened to my son and I went along with it because I knew no better at the time.

Of course these days I'd never go along with something like that and I'm pretty sure dentists don't even do that sort of thing anymore but that's beside the point.

Well, now my son's capped baby tooth is retained and needs to come out. It's not unusual that baby teeth that are capped in silver need to be extracted, the only problem is my son is beside himself at the thought of the dentist's needle.
A few days ago the dentist told him to wiggle wiggle wiggle! That the tooth needed to be out by his next visit in 6 weeks, or she would have to pull it.

My son is so desperately afraid of the dental needle to numb the gum he is digging and gouging at his baby tooth and it is not budging.
The gum is becoming infected because he is scraping and tearing at it, and his bathroom sink is looking like something from a horror movie.

IV sedation (where an oral surgeon and an anesthesiologist put a patient under) is not possible because he had it two years ago to remove another retained baby tooth and he had a bad reaction necessitating the assistance of paramedics because the anesthesiologist couldn't roust him after he went under... Not doing that again.

I've tried explaining to him that the pain he is causing his mouth right now is alot worse than what the needle stick will feel like but he is having none of it.

For two days he's come to me crying and shaking for hours on end. He's digging in his mouth and gums because he is terrified of the dental needle and I just don't know what to do.

My son has special educational needs and is just about on par with his peers, but while he is 14, he is about as mature as an 11-12 year old developmentally.

He sees a psychiatrist for his ADHD so I was considering asking her what she thinks?

I knew this sounds so trivial but I honestly don't know what to do to help him.

Would I be unreasonable to lie to him and tell him the destist said to stop wiggling the tooth and that it can fall out naturally, only to take him in 6 weeks and hope and PRAY talking him through the oral anesthesia will be possible?

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 14/02/2024 23:26

@CaseyCassum I know one dentist years ago who had a bad reputation with kids, but as a rule I haven’t encountered it and I take other people’s kids to dentists too!

I had a 4yo that I took for a check up once and afterwards, I told his parents to find a new dentist, and they did and they still go to that one 11 years later! He was too brusque for children, but not extreme like holding people down!

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 14/02/2024 23:29

Miner · 14/02/2024 23:25

Could he have a drug to calm him down? An appropriate equivalent to taking Valium to control fear of flying?

Definitely going to ask his psychiatrist this.

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 14/02/2024 23:32

Oh my gosh - this was not standard in the US 14 years ago!

Miner · 14/02/2024 23:33

@CaseyCassum I know nothing about anaesthetic (but I do have a special needs kid with a serious dental condition and a fear of the dentist!)

is iv administered GA the same as mask administered GA? With the same risk to your son?

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 14/02/2024 23:35

Miner · 14/02/2024 23:33

@CaseyCassum I know nothing about anaesthetic (but I do have a special needs kid with a serious dental condition and a fear of the dentist!)

is iv administered GA the same as mask administered GA? With the same risk to your son?

I am unsure if they're the same thing. I don't believe my son has ever had the mask sedation (except for nitrous). His GA was IV sedation. I will ask if they pose the same risk.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 14/02/2024 23:37

I don’t know if it exists in the us but there are special needs dentists in the uk .

Miner · 14/02/2024 23:38

CaseyCassum · 14/02/2024 23:35

I am unsure if they're the same thing. I don't believe my son has ever had the mask sedation (except for nitrous). His GA was IV sedation. I will ask if they pose the same risk.

Show quote history

It’s definitely worth asking.

My son had GA administered by a mask, it was a full GA not waking sedation, and it didn’t involve any needles anywhere (which was ironic for us because my son would be injected all day rather than have something put over his face!).

Zippedydoodahday · 14/02/2024 23:39

It sounds like he needs to be referred to the dental hospital so they can explore different forms of anaesthesia and sedation to find one that is appropriate for him. There are a lot of options.

Lollygaggle · 14/02/2024 23:57

First things first
use of papoose boards , strapping down and restraints are , even now, quite common paediatric techniques used in the United States on young children and uncooperative children .

If your son is 14 and it is a baby tooth there will be very little other than gum holding it in. A nice chewy toffee or similar may often do the trick . He needs to grab and push the tooth not dig at the gum. He needs to push either side of the tooth with a fair amount of force and not touch the gum. It may bleed a bit and be a bit sore.

If he is already on Ritalin or similar it may be worth talking to psychiatrist as they may be able to increase dose for day . Use of nitrous oxide is very common in US and will not have the dangers of IV sedation that you have experienced. However if he has really pushed hard at tooth , even if it is not out, it may be so loose that it can be taken out just with a spray of topical anaesthetic.

Good luck but encourage him to push on tooth hard, it's better he takes it out if he's so anxious.

BertieBotts · 15/02/2024 00:24

Yes it's worth speaking to the psychiatrist. You can also speak to the dentist as they can prescribe anti anxiety medication themselves, though they may be less able to do this for pediatric patients. In any case it makes sense to speak to his psychiatrist as she will know the interactions with other drugs he is on.

Ritalin is a simulant not a sedative. Celexa is an SSRI which treats depression rather than anxiety. Anyway the psychiatrist will be able to advise here for sure.

When you speak to him about it and fear is taking over, you could alleviate this by first promising that nobody is going to make him have the injection if he does not want it. That it is totally his choice and he is allowed to make the decision. If he believes this (of course, you need to mean it) then it's likely that he'll lose enough of the fear to allow him to actually talk about it and think about it. It might take a few reassurances and separation between explaining you won't make him and the conversation where you let him know the different options about dealing with the tooth.

IME control is so much more powerful than hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy might be useful in a situation where it's not possible to have control. But the reality is when he leaves home if he's still terrified of dentists he's just going to never go again. It would be beneficial for him if you can show him a way to have control and still get the necessary treatment rather than him exerting control in the only way he knows how which means not going at all.

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 15/02/2024 00:34

BertieBotts · 15/02/2024 00:24

Yes it's worth speaking to the psychiatrist. You can also speak to the dentist as they can prescribe anti anxiety medication themselves, though they may be less able to do this for pediatric patients. In any case it makes sense to speak to his psychiatrist as she will know the interactions with other drugs he is on.

Ritalin is a simulant not a sedative. Celexa is an SSRI which treats depression rather than anxiety. Anyway the psychiatrist will be able to advise here for sure.

When you speak to him about it and fear is taking over, you could alleviate this by first promising that nobody is going to make him have the injection if he does not want it. That it is totally his choice and he is allowed to make the decision. If he believes this (of course, you need to mean it) then it's likely that he'll lose enough of the fear to allow him to actually talk about it and think about it. It might take a few reassurances and separation between explaining you won't make him and the conversation where you let him know the different options about dealing with the tooth.

IME control is so much more powerful than hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy might be useful in a situation where it's not possible to have control. But the reality is when he leaves home if he's still terrified of dentists he's just going to never go again. It would be beneficial for him if you can show him a way to have control and still get the necessary treatment rather than him exerting control in the only way he knows how which means not going at all.

Thank you so much for your well rounded response and i completely agree when you said it's the fear taking over. I think that's something I can personally do with regard to this situation, irrespective of what treatment is ultimately decided upon. I need to help him understand that nobody will touch him without his permission.

OP posts:
Sasqwatch · 15/02/2024 00:40

HeyBamboOllyOllyOllyHayMambo · 14/02/2024 20:48

Maybe I'm harsh but I'd be telling my DC, not a problem, have messed up teeth then and dont come complaining to me when your an adult

Both my DC have ADHD ( as do I ) and I really do understand the hyper focusing on the negative aspects of things but theres just no way I'd be pandering to this

Leave your mouth alone and stop coming crying to me about it is what I'd be saying

🙄🙄🙄🙄

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 00:45

Is the tooth decayed, causing infection? If not then it will come out of it's own accord. I just lost I tooth, baby tooth, the other day...I'm 43.
I don't know if he's too young but you can ask for diazapam for dental anxiety. If his teeth are decayed etc he does need to see a dentist. I was so scared, but I managed it. 13 teeth fixed, over a few months.
He does not have to have a injection, they can give gas and air. Though it's worth trying to explain ( if he definitely needs it) the needle is one second of pain, and then no pain at all while they make your teeth lovely. I know it's hard.

Lollygaggle · 15/02/2024 00:49

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 00:45

Is the tooth decayed, causing infection? If not then it will come out of it's own accord. I just lost I tooth, baby tooth, the other day...I'm 43.
I don't know if he's too young but you can ask for diazapam for dental anxiety. If his teeth are decayed etc he does need to see a dentist. I was so scared, but I managed it. 13 teeth fixed, over a few months.
He does not have to have a injection, they can give gas and air. Though it's worth trying to explain ( if he definitely needs it) the needle is one second of pain, and then no pain at all while they make your teeth lovely. I know it's hard.

Diazepam can interact with many medications for AdHD , the posters son has also had a bad reaction with iv sedation in the past which often uses a similar drug .

With gas and air you still have to give an injection. The gas and air calms you but doesn't give pain relief .

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 00:57

@Lollygaggle Ah, ok. Yeah, in that case it's not appropriate. I just want to say that I overcame 10 years of anxiety for the dentist, so I really hope he can too. No-one loves having people poking round their mouths, it's pretty intrusive isn't it in theory, but in practice so much less bad.

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 15/02/2024 01:15

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 00:57

@Lollygaggle Ah, ok. Yeah, in that case it's not appropriate. I just want to say that I overcame 10 years of anxiety for the dentist, so I really hope he can too. No-one loves having people poking round their mouths, it's pretty intrusive isn't it in theory, but in practice so much less bad.

Hi no it's not decayed (it is capped because it had a cavity years ago) but the adult tooth is beneath it and it's pressing on a neighboring tooth so the dentist wants it out.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 01:19

@CaseyCassum OK, thank you. TBH he may not need an injection for pulling a baby tooth. Is it not already pretty loose? It should be if regular tooth is coming through.

Mufflette · 15/02/2024 01:30

As someone who took years to overcome dental phobia developed as a child, could you talk to his psychiatrist about helping overcome the phobia? I found that diazepam didn't help as the phobia was stronger, hypnotherapy did make a difference but what worked was therapy to get to the real root of the problem and an amazing dentist who worked with me to find a way for me to have treatment that didn't make me run down the street instead! Treat the phobia before you treat the tooth.

Please don't lie to him, all it will do is give him another traumatic experience, deepen his phobia and leave him likely to avoid all dental treatment as an adult. He needs to develop trust around dental treatment and lying to him will mean he loses trust in you as well as the dentist.

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 15/02/2024 01:34

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 01:19

@CaseyCassum OK, thank you. TBH he may not need an injection for pulling a baby tooth. Is it not already pretty loose? It should be if regular tooth is coming through.

Not loose at all. It's wedged between two other teeth. She wants him to start wiggling it and pushing it

OP posts:
homezookeeper · 15/02/2024 02:13

Strapped down? No wonder there's fear.
I always admired American teeth, compared to British but if that's the way to go for kids then you can keep it. There isn’t even sedation here now, but there's certainly no holding down of any kind!

Happyhappyday · 15/02/2024 02:48

What about anti anxiety medication? Like lorazepam. Have to say, grew up in the US and strapping kids down is not a thing…

Original poster
CaseyCassum · 15/02/2024 02:54

Happyhappyday · 15/02/2024 02:48

What about anti anxiety medication? Like lorazepam. Have to say, grew up in the US and strapping kids down is not a thing…

It is a thing. Still practiced here. Can be easily googled.
Am planning to talk to his Dr about what we can do for anxiety.

OP posts:
Rivendeluge · 15/02/2024 06:22

Speak to your doctor! Will pm you our story, don't want to write it here, feels like it would be quite identifiable!

tchotchke · 15/02/2024 06:32

CaseyCassum · 14/02/2024 22:47

Sedation as in general? IV sedation? He cannot do that.. The first time he had general was at the dentist and they had to call an ambulance because he wouldn't come back from it. He wasn't rousting. The second time (we thought the first was a fluke and it was absolutely necessary so had no choice really) was when his appendix ruptured and he needed surgery. He was kept for two extra days because the hospital had the same issue bringing him round afterwards.

Show quote history

Don’t let this issue put you off. There are many different anaesthetic drugs available that work in different ways. Just mentor to the Dr and they can adapt.