To wonder why I still think about my ex from time to time? Do you?

[RumBoat44]

Honestly I don't get it. We broke up like a year and 4 months ago, I'm over it and I've moved on.

It was absolutely brutal at the time though, heart absolutely shattered and never experienced anything like it. I've come to realise it's for the best at least a good 10 months ago now and happy in a relationship with someone else. Probably happier than when we were together really as the relationship had problems and probably wasn't the healthiest.

So why then, does this person continually pop up on my mind? Not daily or anything like that but I'd say probably weekly.. living rent free in my head without a trigger!

Is this normal, and do other people do this even though they've moved on, are happy, don't have any contact, don't want the person back and plan to never see them again?

It's not nice.. it's not like I'm all fuzzy happy when it comes up, I just feel awkward and uncomfortable and want to forget!

I think about all my significant exs quite frequently. Like with yourself, it's not in a wishing we'd get back together kind of way. More in a noting how much better my current situation is than when I was with them. I don't think they are stuck where they were either. They'll have grown older and wiser themselves and will be in better situations as well. I was also in jobs I'm glad I left and cities that I needed to get away from and I think about them too.
I don't think it is a bad thing to consider where you are and where you came from and what you did along the way. It is also much nicer to hope your exs are doing well than to wish someone who was important in your life ill.

Weirdly I never think about my ex husband, we were together for a decade but had no children so after the divorce we just went our separate ways. We didn't even have mutual friends so that was that. I generally wish him well but it feels like thinking about someone I used to work with or something, rather than someone I had strong enough feelings about to marry and divorce.

BUT I have an ex from just before him that I do think about from time to time. I'm happily married again now and have children and life is good, but that ex was a bit of a 'the one who got away' thing for both of us at the time, and I do occasionally wonder what happened to him. It's not a romantic thing, but he does pop into my head in a way that my actual ex husband never does!

That's very interesting skyblue. Maybe there is more significance to thinking about people from the last than I have given credit to. Also interesting that a husband of 10 years had no impact on you whilst an ex boyfriend from even further in the past still has.

Omg me too! I split up with my horrible controlling abusive ex and I am happy in a new relationship that's soooo much better, but I have dreams that I'm messaging ex or meeting up with him and new partner dumps me. Nice to know it's not just me. Oh and I chortled at your 'I'd like to hear he died' comment.

Yup! Wish he didn’t pop into my head every now and again. Abusive, controlling, and just downright nasty. I occasionally have nightmares about him. So relieved when I wake up and my lovely gentle DH is next to me.

I also wonder about the ‘mug’ of a girlfriend he has now and what her life is like.

We divorced over 25 years ago. Why does he still live rent free in my head from time to time? Ugh!

Every now and then. Nothing ever positive, just flashbacks of what a horrible man he was and what an idiot I was for a) staying with him for so long and b) marrying him even though I knew deep down I didn't want to

I actually thought about him earlier today when me and DH were discussing how rarely we drink anymore, and it made me smile as I remember exDH always comparing me to my alcoholic & abusive dad because I did enjoy a few wines (I got the "just like your dad" line every time I dared to go out without him)

I never wonder what he's up to or anything like that, I couldn't care less but when I remember stuff like that it makes me feel very grateful for what I have now, and escaping him.

I've been married for 19 years. I still frequently think of my 2 significant (as in adult relationships/lived with) exes. Don't know why 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wonder if the men do the same. Actually I'm not sure I want to know what they think about.. as it better not be what I'm thinking it would be...

It's very normal and only once a week is fine! Especially if you have not got into another serious relationship
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I think we make sense of ourselves via our close intimate relationships so pretty much anything that happens in own current life can make us think of our most recent intimate relationship experience, if that makes sense

I split up with my ex in 2009 when i was 22. Was devestated, adored him. I thought about him daily for about 5 years! Dreamt of him weekly. It eased a little but even until 2021 i would think of him at least monthly. Then we bumped into eachother.. literally knocked shoulders in a restaraunt..

Totally irrelevant to the post but I was hoping there was an ending to that story! Did you speak to each other? Did it make you start thinking of him again or did it help to close that chapter?!

And by irrelevant, I mean my questions are irrelevant not your reply! (Just read back what I had written!)

@828Pax 😂

Well i never saw him once in all those years despite living less than a mile away from eachother. After catching up ( and both moving ) found out we were neighbours-i could see his house from my new house and we moved at the exact same time and never crossed eachother. The restaraunt we saw eachother at was about 30miles from our area.

We ended up back together ❤️

Yeah definitely

I guess in the same way i think of school times occasionally or s song reminds me of an old school friend. It's pretty neutral for me

I agree with the above poster that I'm pretty happy with how things are now and all those things lead me to this place

One I think negatively off but hope that in someway some things have got fixed for them

Another I wonder about things like did her sister ever have get a baby as when we were together her sister was going through fertility treatment. We were together for a long time so there's lots of things I wonder about if she ever got to fulfill things she said she wanted to do and about her family etc

He'll there's even someone who I went on one date with and I wonder about. She wasn't out yet, and had a tricky situation. I hope she found her happiness

Ahh that's an amazing story! Glad I asked!

Sometimes we're eating dinner or watching a film and just say 'isn't it mad that we're back together' 😂 its still really surreal 3 years down the line for me as he really is the love of my life. Nobody else in nearly 14 years came close to him for me ❣️ @828Pax

I'm still in touch with mine, we message most days. He's a far more supportive presence in my life than when we were together.

I think it’s normal.

I occasionally think about several of my exes…. either wondering how they are, what they’re up to. Or something triggers a memory. Or I see something that reminds me of them.

i’m on good terms and in vague contact with all but one of them so would feel more strange to me if I never thought about them.

Yes