To be a bit (silently) bothered about in laws not visiting

[Yummymummy2020]

Have in laws that drive, we don’t. We always visited them in the past. In fact, every occasion was spent with them and not my family. A whole other post in a way and for full transparency I do feel this was unfair and regret not saying no and being a big pushover but went along to keep the peace. Fast forward a few years and we have a baby now, three in fact( the other two are toddlers but we have a new baby also, not shining new but seven weeks new) in-laws drive as previous, and are a 20 minute drive away but to walk it would be the guts of an hour, no direct bus route or train ect just a long walk. They don’t want to visit us but want us to bring the baby and toddlers to them. Am I being a total brat insisting they visit us for the short term instead of us dragging the kids on such a long walk up and back? I’m still recovering from the birth in that I had an infection so although thankfully a ton better long walks wouldn’t be a good thing(as per doctor) and still have pain but that will go soon.
the youngest in law is 38 and partners sibling, the others are all younger than 60 bar a parent who understandably would come with someone driving as I wouldn’t expect them to walk (though they do walk a similar distance frequently) .
It’s not that I’ll never visit again it’s just honestly I feel it would be fairer to even get one or two visits from them for once! I might be being spoilt and cranky and am open to being told to get over myself if it is a cheeky expectation! I suppose I’m a bit hurt they haven’t really bothered at all, I haven’t heard from them at all except through my partner, no backstory or row really except they were annoyed at us during covid for doing garden visits rather than indoor ones when things were bad. One of them said just send a picture of the baby instead of them visiting because they don’t like visiting other homes. I could be being over sensitive! Am I being reasonable to say no please come to us instead as it’s tough to try lug all three over to your place at the moment?

If they want to see the baby/children, they can come to you. Discussion over.

Not a chance in hell I would be dragging two toddlers on an hour walk, with or without a newborn. YANBU.

They come to you, or they pay for a taxi to take you there and back

You need to put your foot down and explain that it's harder now ferrying the children on public transport etc.

Also, learn to drive for the sake of your own independence.

That's rude and unnecessary

Can your partner take them round on his day off? It’s ridiculous that you are considering this tbh. It’s unfair on you and the kids.

I wouldn't ever have seen them if I were you
Stop being a mug

What is their reason for not wanting to drive 20 minutes to see you all? They must have one, because on the face of it - assuming they are aware you have no way to get there other than a very long walk - it seems totally unreasonable.

It sounds like they aren’t bothered if you visit or not tbh. I think it’s time that you stopped being a doormat and extend an invitation to your place but not visit them for a while. It’s crazy that they said they’d rather a photo than visit your home. Take note of this and stay in your nice and dry home.

My daughter has 2 kids...works etc...she probably comes my house at xmas 😁. I make my way to theirs when theyre free once a week...but have older grandson couple times week to stay over. I would walk (and have when snow was down) over an hour to see them and pik up necessities if they cant get out.
Your inlaws should come to you.

I would just leave it to your DH to send a picture as they requested and leave it at that. Reads like a very one-sided relationship with you trying to make them interested in your children and them only wanting their way with no thought to the amount of effort for you all to do it.

Leave them be and concentrate your efforts on those who actually want to see you and your children.

The way you write suggests to me that this is the tip of the iceberg of issues with your in laws, and possibly your DH. Because you are so incredibly uncertain whether you are being unfair in saying that you don't want to walk for an hour with a newborn and two toddlers to see you're in laws when any normal, rational person can see that it's totally BATSHIT to expect this.

Absolutely say no. If DH wants to take the toddlers, great. But you are 7 weeks post partum, you don't need to be doing 2 hours of walking for a random visit.

He doesn't drive either. Him herding two toddlers and a baby on a one hour walk (and back) sounds like a nightmare.

But it’s his side of the family so he might feel less annoyed at the journey and OP might get a bit of a rest even if only some of the kids go.

Why should the dh give up his day off (and deprive the OP of her husband and kids, when they need time together as a family) to visit people who cba to ever visit them? Especially when it's so much easier for drivers to get places.

@Whatevs23 basically every single occasion and weekend they all meet up at the family home or say the sisters or brothers if they are holding a big family meal. Mainly it’s the family home religiously every weekend though and they honestly just will not deviate from that. I had even bought in a ton of food and drinks that they like for after the baby was born so that when they came we would have things they like here. I bought an extra sofa for extra room for them to sit. It’s obviously used by my family and friends so wasn’t a waste, but I actually got it for them as they are a big group if they did come together. I didn’t think they disliked me and there was no fall out except that I want to be at home for now rather than going far. I do go out to the park and beach ect but I guess they feel if I can do those shorter walks I should be bringing everyone to them!

Thanks so much everyone for responding, I’m glad I wasn’t being unreasonable and appreciate all the advice, I’ll be taking it all on board and I’ll read through All them in between nappy changes and bottles!

I wouldn't bother with them at all.

Why is it their way or the highway, especially at the expense of your family?

Sorry, stop chasing them. They either care enough to visit you or they don't

WTF is wrong with them? They want you to walk with 3 small children an hour each way, when you've given birth 7 weeks ago, and when they can get in the car and get to you in 20 minutes? They are as selfish as fuck OP. Stop being so bloody nice to them and tell them if they don't visit you they won't see you. I cannot believe the self-centredness of some people.
Congratulations on your shining newborn, 7 weeks is still pretty shining to me! 😍

Stock replies:

”oh yes, I’ll have to bring them over in a few weeks when the weather is more bearable. I don’t want to drag the three children out for a two-hour round trip in this weather.”

”oh, it’s Baltic at the moment. I don’t want to drag the children out for a two hour round trip in this weather - we’ll walk over in a few weeks when it’s a bit more springlike”

“I’m still in too much pain for a two-hour round trip. I will trek over with all three kids in a few weeks when it’s more manageable”.

Cheek of it though..

What sort of unbelievable pricks demand a recently delivered mother walk an hour with a newborn and two toddlers to visit them, when they could easily drive????

And why the fuck have you been forced to always see them in special occasions, over your family?????

Your husband and his family sound like a bag of dicks. Ugh.

I’d say: “are you quite mad? I’ve literally just had a baby and an infection. You want to see them, you come to us. That’s it.”

@Yummymummy2020 think it would take an awful lot longer than an hour to walk the same distance as a 20 minute drive (mind you, I am thinking of how far I can drive in 20 minutes, (you know, foot to the floor!!!! 😅) and to do that with two toddlers in tow would be unthinkable! how would you be able to keep them safe while pushing a buggy with a baby in it? taking a baby out anywhere is like a flitting!!! the in laws are cf's and very selfish. and very well done on your still shiny new baby!