To feel regret at not living away for university

[Itsgotmethinkingabit]

I try not to have many regrets and tend to see life and the things that happen as the way they’re meant to be, but I often feel sad I didn’t live away for university and have the whole university experience
I’ve done a lot with my life, had my Dd, had a career, travelled lots, lived abroad etc, but I remember feeling very trapped and down around 19-22. I lived at home with my parents until 23, when I went travelling and then lived abroad.
I met Dh when I was 17, so I think it was probably something to do with that. My uni experience was quite dull, I made a couple of friends and carried on clubbing and going out etc, but didn’t have any crazy times or meet different guys and I feel I really missed out.
I wanted to travel/live away from a young age, I remember applying even for Camp America and nannying jobs in New York and my mum throwing the letters away!
All I wanted to do was get away and live more.
I feel so sad I missed out on that part of life and the travelling with friends (I did it all with Dh)

The series One day has got me thinking about it more

If I could go back, I wouldn't have lived away. I ended up sharing a house with a pair of best friends who were a bit 'mean girls' with me and I spent a ton of money I didn't have. I know what you mean about watching One Day- I started wistfully wishing I'd done a gap year, but then I'm sure someone will comment here that they'd rather have given it a miss 😂I suppose we can never know about the road less travelled, but just have to focus on what we found along our own path.

If you want to think about it more again, try reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. It's a great book about the chances the character didn't take and how they could have worked out in the end.

I had absolute shit time house sharing at uni. I ended up moving into my own flat in the second year. I didn't go partying as money were short but, instead, I focused on my studies. I spent most of my time in empty workshops while my uni colleagues were sleeping in with hangovers. I made friends with lecturers and technicians, went to all extra activities and workshops and won one of the two scholarships to go to Japan for 6 months. I got so much out of my degree, I really wouldn't change that for three years of partying.

You won't know what your experience would have been if you have moved out for university. Look at what you wrote, you did what you missed out after university? If you were to say you still haven't done it, then I'd tell you go travel with your children. Don't let regrets and those 'what if I's eat you up.

Know what you mean by One Day though. I'm watching it.

The issue sounds less to do with not
moving out and more to do with your parents - why on earth was the Camp America info binned?? My DD is probably going to the local uni, she won’t get a place in halls as a result and is probably going to get a flat with some friends doing similar. However, she is going to think some more first as we do live in a expensive city and if for some reason she does decide to spend any of the years at home then I will be chasing her out of the door every summer to make sure she goes travelling and encouraging her to take up the option of a year abroad as part of her course (which she has said she wants to do anyway).

@Garlicdoughball I know?! 🤷🏻‍♀️I remember her saying about the America au pair that it was dangerous at 18 in New York and the families would just work you to the ground for very little pay
I only really carried on and didn’t leave to travel and live abroad as I felt I should get a degree, but I didn’t enjoy the experience

i hated living at uni and counted down the days each term until I could come home. It isn’t for everyone! The social pressures to make friends / have wild nights out etc was overwhelming and sent my anxiety through the roof

Your experiences make you who you are. You cannot live in regret, there are many things I have done, boys/men I dated, friendships I should have cut and I wish I could back and talk to myself but it makes me, me. I am so different than that person I was at 20. I did live away for uni, it was not great, it was merely okay. But I am who I am because of all the things in my past.

Who's at fault, though? You chose to stay in a relationship at 17, and to stay local for university, not to date other people and have crazy times, and your parents couldn't have ultimately stopped you taking up jobs abroad..?

@TemplesofDelight Im not saying it’s not my fault, but that I regret it.

I did my degree away from home, but my second related qualification I did staying at home with my parents. Saved a fortune not living in halls. Wish I had done that the first time!