Teen curfew - basically he decides

[MissHollyGolightly]

My year 11 DS is going to a valentine's party tonight. I saw the invite (byob, no spirits- parents don't like it, but "weed is fine") and it ends at 11:30. That is already late but then he has to bring his gf home on the bus (at least an hour back and forth) and come back to ours with two mates. So DS says maybe 1245 they'll be back but I anticipate it could be much later. Usually when he goes to parties he stays at friends and so idk when he leaves unless I stalk his phone location.
So he hasn't really had a set curfew, but in my mind it's a lot closer to 11pm than 1am. AIBU and how can i put this genie back in the bottle?

Does he have school tomorrow? If so I'd say 11pm. If not if he will be with friends and have a safe route home I'd be more relaxed.

Short of picking him up yourself, it doesn't sound like there's much option other than what he's already planned.
I would not be at all ok with the 'weed is fine' line though.

Is it half term where you are? I'd be ok with it

my ds is yr 11, if I saw 'weed is fine' then he wouldnt be going.
I appreciate a lot of kids do this, but im 99% sure mine doesnt. Ive never smelt it on him, hes never come home looking like he has been smoking it. Hes had drinks and been drunk at parties (we always pick him up) and I know he vapes which enrages me, he knows if I find it I will chuck it in the bin but if I thought he was somewhere that smoking weed is ok, he wouldnt be going

My DS has an earlier curfew, unless there are parties and then we play it by ear.
So in this case, I would accept close to 1 am, but that would not be to say that 1 am is the new general curfew.

If you've already said he can go I don't really think it's fair to say he can leave at 11 when it finishes at 11:30. But I wouldn't be happy letting him get various buses around what I presume is a city (if buses are running near midnight?) at 15/16. I would 100% be picking him up (round the corner probably so his mates didn't see his very uncool mother waiting 😂)

It is half term so no school. I was a bit shocked that parents officially allow byob and weed is fine but I know that is a routine part of his parties now so by itself not a surprise or shocking if that goes on.

Can't the girls parents pick her up? Why are three boys going back and forth to drop her off? Or she should get an uber/they share an uber. I wouldn't be happy with the bus situation.

The weed would also annoy me. If i felt my kid would stay away from it, I'd just say its sadly one of those things and w know kids do it. But to openly state its ok? Hmmmmm ....

I wouldn't be happy with the weed, but I was around it at that age myself and to this day have never tried it.

I'd collect them myself and give the friends lifts if at all possible. If it wasn't possible, I would want to know asap if they expected to be any later than 12.45 because of late buses etc. I would tell them to get an uber/taxi and would pay rather than have them out and unable to get home.

My DD is year 12 and would not be going to this party. Our party rules are that she can take one can of her own alcohol and she is allowed to drink that and only that - most of her friends stick to this rule as a protection against drink spiking. Weed is an absolute no for us - I’ve seen teenagers with cannabis induced psychosis in a work context and it ruins lives. We also tend to pick her up from parties - generally share this job with her friends parents so whoever does pick up sees a few of them safely home.

LOL, I misread it and thought your son was 11 years old. I was like, woah, liberal parenting! Haha.
I reckon you could compromise on midnight? If he is always late then say 11.30? The 'no spirits' rule is unlikely to be heavily enforced/ abided by if its BYO. So he may be hanging tomorrow if he has school early. Don't let him bunk off at home even if he's green. Haha! If no school then I guess no harm in it being an hour later?

We all have to leave the house at 6:30 am for an appointment tomorrow morning so that should add to the fun. His friends have permission to stay and sleep while he is out for a few hours. Because of that early start, and our own planned valentine's dinner, I'd rather not be driving around for pickups past midnight but agree this may be the best option to keep some sort of control on the situation. I don't like the idea of them drunk and on night buses, but do want them to see the gf home.

I’d just drive and collect them. Sounds like it’s the only logical solution tbh.

For anyone who wanted to know what happened next! The party got broken up at 11, the girlfriend was seen onto a bus, and the boys were back at ours well before midnight. All's well that ends well.