Mums of two little ones - what am I doing wrong?

[gemini1990]

8 month old and just 3 year old.

I found the first 6 months easier but now baby only wants to nap in his bed in a quiet dark room (and wants to be fed to sleep which can take 20 mins or longer!!)

My toddler is downstairs watching tv which I already feel guilty about and he's occasionally shouting up to me which then wakes the baby.

Also 3 naps a day for baby at home in bed means we just can't go out and do anything. Until recently he would nap on the go but seems to refuse to now!

I just feel like I'm failing one of them all the time.
Baby is also teething so I'm getting 2-3 hours sleep a night.

I have two days childcare a week for eldest and on those days it's naturally easier but I want to enjoy this time with both of them on the other days of the week.

I just feel like I'm drowning and not being a very good mum. Something isn't working and I can't put my finger on what I'm doing wrong!

What do other mums do with a baby who needs feeding to sleep quietly when you have a toddler?

Oh lovely, I have an 8 month old and a (nearly) 2.5 year old and I could have written your post. I know exactly how you feel ❤️ i constantly feel like I'm letting 1 of them down it's horrible.

My baby only contact naps so its a bit different to your situation- we all just cuddle on the sofa and watch TV whilst baby sleeps (maximum 30 mins at the moment as inevitably my toddler wake them up!)

What happens if they miss a nap? My baby isn't too fussy which is so lucky!

Iwe try to go out first thing around 9 ish and get home just intime for todlders nap, so around 12:30 ish - both have a 2 ish hour nap and then baby has a shorter one around 4:30/5:00 on the bottle.

My toddler is in childcare 3 days a week though so it is much easier.

Sending you lots of love x

Oh gosh it's just really hard and you kind of have to accept it won't be perfect and give yourself some grace. A bit of extra tv time won't hurt your toddler. You're in the thick of it.

They change all the time.

I personally found not being as rigid with naps with my second a bit of a life saver, I made sure we were at home in bed for his lunch nap but the rest I just tried to get him to nap on the go and if he didn't then it didn't seem to matter too much. That's because getting out and about with my kids was essential to my mental health!

It feels so hard because it's so important to you. I bet you're doing amazingly well even if you don't feel like it.

Ohhh that's so tough, you are getting so little sleep bless you. In answer to your question - I tried to cheat my way out of feeding to sleep 😅One of mine was not so good for naps on the go but would reliably sleep in the car so I would time outings around naps - one nap on the way there, one on the way back. We went to quite a lot of places 45 minutes away! But it was a fairly short while until he transitioned to one nap, I think we were at one long nap by about 14-15months

The danger is that your oldest falls asleep on the way back too. To be honest I embraced the quiet and got a drive through coffee 🤣 it keeps you going into the evening when the 3yo is hyper after the dangernap!!

This too shall pass ♥️

Thanks everyone some really good advice here. It's such a weird time, I feel so very very lucky and some days are amazing but my goodness it is tough and exhausting at the same time isn't it!

Oh op I hear you, I think we are all the same😂 I have two toddlers and a kind of newborn and sometimes I wish I could split myself in three😂😂😂 I just tell myself constantly as the above poster said this too shall pass. In fact, it will pass too quickly! You have to do what you have to do and parenting more than one young child is so different to just the one in terms of juggling what you are doing. Definitely give yourself grace, and once your little ones have lots of love, you are doing a great job!!!

@gemini1990 yes it's super hard! For some reason you aren't really allowed to say that though. Which makes it harder!

Find some mum friends who you can talk / moan to who get it. Sending a massive hug. Keep going xx

You're doing brilliantly. My baseline every single day at that age was 'everybody fed, nobody dead'. If we managed that then I was winning. Everything else is a bonus. Try to stop being so hard on yourself - easier said than done when you're a mum

Try to prioritise just one nap. Make sure you've done something active with the toddler, and they had their lunch, then let them watch half an hour of TV if that's what it takes to get the little one down, that's no big deal.

If the other naps are only 15 mins in the car etc, that's OK. I had to really persevere to get mine used to napping in the buggy, but it makes life so much easier. I would go out at exactly nap time, dark snooze shade, forward facing so they weren't distracted by toddler on buggy board, and we'd march full steam ahead!

have a 6 month and 3 yo. Baby will nap in buggy or car , can you do that?

I hate being chained to my house for naps (for first baby and for new baby) it’s my idea of hell

Sling/baby carrier, or just sleep in the pram :-)

Make sure you do some hoovering around the baby so that they learn to sleep through a bit of noise.