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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meals out

26 replies

Sassy552 · 14/02/2024 07:32

Yeah I know it's another post about splitting bills.

So a group of friends (5 in total) went out for some food. 2 people brought along kids (2 each ranging in ages from 2 up to 11).

We all order food and drinks (no alcohol). All having a great time. Some people got 2 courses others got one. The kids all had 2 and the oldest ordered from the adult menu.

So the bill comes and the mums decide to split the bill evenly round the table and my share would come to £60 including tip. Back home I check prices again and realise I should have been closer to £30 without tip.

So next time we're out I speak up and say I think we should all just pay for ourselves. I said we can get the bill and work it out. This is what we done but the mums were shocked about how much they had to pay compared to us on our own. The others seemed happy with the decision. This is what I would offer if I had my kids with me (my responsibility to pay for them if I bring them along).

One even messaged afterwards saying they felt it was unfair. I explained that last time I had to spend double of what I had and feel that if they bring their kids along then they should pay for them. I'm more than happy to split the bill evenly when it's just us adults or even splitting the bill with the adults and the kids parents pay for them.

I'm not struggling for money and if I'm totally honest the difference won't hurt us BUT I have been the person who has had to count pennies. Eating out meant opting for one course and counting to make sure I could afford it or budget to ensure i had money for the rest of the month.

Spoke to DH and he thinks I should just pay. He's always been generous and money has never been an issue for him so doesn't understand the budgeting or being short of cash.

I've also thought maybe one mum or both mums are struggling and this is their way of feeding the kids. If that's the case then maybe i should help out and it's not a huge ask. But again then i think if we had all brought our kids the bill would have been bigger.

We have another meal planned again I plan on going alone. What should I suggest this time?

OP posts:
Move22 · 14/02/2024 07:34

YANBU

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2024 07:35

They're CF to think that in this situation you should evenly split the bill.

If they're struggling to feed their kids they shouldn't be going out for 60 quid meals.

Tell them you'll just pay for what you have.

PuttingDownRoots · 14/02/2024 07:35

7 way split would have been fairer.

drowningintinsel · 14/02/2024 07:37

Hmm I definitely think you should just pay for yourself. If your friend is struggling to pay for food for her child and needs support then fine. But she shouldn't be wasting money to go out to eat when she could use that to buy lots more food to eat out!!

MsSquiggle · 14/02/2024 07:39

I would continue with what you did last time. You’ve set the precedent now and already had the awkward conversation, don’t backtrack.

Cheeseismyfavourite · 14/02/2024 07:41

You are not being unreasonable, if I bring my kids and people want to do a split I take the cost of my child’s meal off the total - split between the adults and then add the kids meal to my amount. I would never expect anyone to pay for my children. They are being CFs

CJ4713 · 14/02/2024 07:41

If they're struggling to feed their kids they shouldn't be going out for 60 quid meals. This!

YANBU. Either it gets divided and the kids are included, so split 7 ways or whatever, or just work your own and say -'here is my share'.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2024 07:42

How can paying for your own POSSIBLY be unfair?!?

What a strange choice of words. It is literally fair. Fairness is the point!

Anyone who says paying for your own is unfair is clearly someone who wants someone else to pay for them.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 14/02/2024 07:42

Wow! Absolutely pay for what you order plus share of tip. No way would I expect someone to sub my kids.

And I too have been THAT short of cash - I normally tell my friends that I can’t afford a meal out but am happy to come along at
the end and have a coffee or meet at the park etc.
An expensive meal out would immediately be eliminated from my to do list when I was short of cash.

Don’t backtrack.

WimpoleHat · 14/02/2024 07:42

I’m usually absolutely on the side of “life’s too short, just split the bill”. But in this case? No way! And ridiculous of someone who’s brought along two kids, one of whom has had an adult meal, not to be the person to point this out and offer more payment. Total CF behaviour.

Cheeseismyfavourite · 14/02/2024 07:43

Plus I can’t believe they had the cheek to complain about the cost of what they actually ordered and ate

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 14/02/2024 07:43

I cannot understand how anyone in their right mind can complain that paying for your own food is unfair. The person who messaged that it is is being ridiculous.
I can understand, if you're someone who doesn't need to worry about money, you might think that calculating what each person should pay is an unnecessary faff (although one you should go through if any of the party wants to of course). But it is so obviously not remotely unfair.

Musiclover234 · 14/02/2024 07:46

If I go out with a group of friends we tend to split it equally. However if someone has had more alcohol or another course where the difference is quite a bit then we pay our own amounts.

in this case you aren’t being unreasonable, the mums basically want you to sub their kids food ( plus extra courses potentially) the difference is not minimal between £30/60 and they are the CF not you.

if the friends with children are struggling then they either don’t go out for the meal, don’t take the kids, have one course/small meal or amongst close friends let them know they are struggling and the friends would probably help out. This just sounds like cheeky behaviour to me.

GreatGateauxsby · 14/02/2024 07:49

One even messaged afterwards saying they felt it was unfair.

😅😅😅 the cheek.
Id love to hear the mental gymnastics she did to arrive at that.

Yanbu

Next time I'd only agree to a nandos where you pay at the counter or a coffee shop. Or set the bills up separately when you order.

  • agree to split and order 3 courses and as many cocktails as you can drink

I always "split the bill" but my friends arent CFs and all of us are the sort to say "well its £120 but we ordered the wine which was £20 so lets say its £70 / £50" so we will split it but kick in more if we had more courses/kids/booze etc.
I feel that roughly evens out...
Straight split is a big no.

rainbowstardrops · 14/02/2024 07:50

Cheeky buggers! Of course they need to pay more! Just stick to your guns and only pay for what you've eaten/drunk and let the others do what they want.

WimpoleHat · 14/02/2024 07:54

Plus - it’s not a case of “you had 2 kids and she had 3 and they all had a £6.99 kids’ menu, so it’s not worth faffing about the difference”. Some people have brought another full diner. Why wouldn’t they be counted as a full share of any bill split in the first place?

lap90 · 14/02/2024 08:02

Really bloody cheeky.

Fetaa · 14/02/2024 08:06

i often eat out in groups. If everyone gets a main curry only, we split the bill.Separately those drinking bottles of wine split the wine bill between themselves also. It’s generally fair this way and nobody overpays or underpays by more then a couple of pounds. Most importantly everyone seems happy.

If starters, puddings, children, expensive mains, sharing dishes is involved we all buy our own. This seems fair and everyone is happy.

Your financial situation is irrelevant. Personally I think it’s surprising and entitled that these mums expect you to foot the bill for their children. They should pay for their own children. Maybe put on the WhatsApp group ‘lets pay for ourselves again, it was easy enough to work out the bill’

Fetaa · 14/02/2024 08:12

might be an idea to tell them in advance that everyone is paying for themselves so that they cut their cloth to suit when ordering

HermioneWeasley · 14/02/2024 08:12

YANBU and the bet the others who subbed the kids last time are very grateful to you

rookiemere · 14/02/2024 08:25

YANBU.
These are the people in threads who insist that DCs sleeping in their own separate rooms don't count when you're working out villa splits.

People are blind when it comes to their own costs. We used to go away with friends with two DCs to our one. I was happy to split the costs equally when their DCs were on kids meals including a drink, but they became more sophisticated and on to adult meals with multiple cans of juice, so gradually we started paying a lot more than our fair share, but they never seemed to notice.

Grumpynan · 14/02/2024 08:29

PuttingDownRoots · 14/02/2024 07:35

7 way split would have been fairer.

This

chopc · 14/02/2024 08:51

I don't get it. Your friend messaged to say that it wasn't fair for them to pay for their own children'a food? Really?

Dishwashersaurous · 14/02/2024 09:12

I wonder if this has evolved over time. So when the children were small and didn't really eat anything obviously didn't include them.

And even a kids meal.deal of a fiver or so can be absorbed across the attendees.

But obviously as soon as someone starts eating full meals off the adult menu then that parent should pay

DottieMoon · 14/02/2024 11:17

WTF! They are being total CF's!

Why should you have to pay for their children? I would never expect my friends to pay for mine if we went for lunch/dinner. I cannot believe one of them then messaged to say it's unfair. What did they say after your reply back saying it's unfair of them to expect you to pay more for their children?

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